vapid musings

Like a love song

2011-12-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

I've decided to switch blogs, and this may be permanent or temporary depending on my mood. It's mostly because shoutbox is shutting down soon and I can't find a replacement board which is as minimalist and grey as it, or any without garish advertisements on them. What better way to start of a new year huh?

Ask me if you need to know my new address. It's really a no-brainer though.

Discovering something that doesn't exist

2011-11-25T20:52:00.001+08:00

I just applied for US travel authorisation online, because even though Singaporeans don't need a visa to enter they are stepping up security. You know, TSA and whatnot. Anyway here's a question:

C) Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

Yes, yes, because spies or ex-Nazis would click "Yes" in this form. There was another application form which asked if I had committed any "crimes against humanity". Because obviously those who had would be applying for a visa to Canada to, I don't know, terrorise those nice Canadians, because "they've had it too good for too long", quoting Norm the Genie. +5 internets if you know where that quote came from.

I realise I haven't been blogging for a long time, and I think I've lost the touch to come up with long spiels of nothing. Which is something I noticed in the last two essay exams. I mean, come on, sometimes I even have to think of what word to use. I'm so out of depth nowadays.

So here I am, blogging for selfish reasons (I mean other than the usual selfish narcissism) of improving my writing and my bullshit generating speed. I just hope this semester wouldn't kill my CAP too badly, because CAP=LIFE. Right? But honestly, I am so sick of NUS life. Let me tell you the story of the time I wrote a kick-ass essay about something I was completely excited about. It was in my third semester in NUS, and surprisingly, it was a non-literature essay. That was when I was still in the "Imma major in NM!" phase, and it was for this media theory module thought by this interesting funny professor who reminded me of Jason Ng. The essay was this long (well, 2500 words was a lot in semester 3) one which had to discuss the theories in relation to a media company of choice, so I picked Pixar.

I know right, mf-ing PIXAR which is totally awesome and inspiring.

I was so pumped about writing the essay that I spent FOUR WHOLE DAYS on it. FOUR DAYS. That's like 400% of my usual effort. The first two days I used to collect several readings and read through them, because research essays need, um, research, and the next two I spent on the essay because I wanted it to be perfect. I downloaded 22 freaking readings and my essay had 27 citations. I mean you'd hardly find more than 5 citations in my recent essays. By the way did you know one employee was disabled in the course of creating Toy Story 2? And several others developed stress injuries because of their repetitive work? The dedication, right? And now Pixar provides message therapy for their artists so this wouldn't happen again.

But I'm veering off-topic. You know the feeling when you know you're writing an awesome essay because you're inspired to write your very best? I haven't quite had that feeling since then, and every essay that I wrote this semester, both the okay-graded and the SUCKFESTOFTHEYEAR ones, were simply written in a going through the motion state of mind, because I haven't really felt that strong of an interest in the texts I've been reading (or not reading, because I have done several essays on texts I haven't read) or the essay topics I've been given/chosen.

I mean, none of them has inspired me so much as Pixar movies. I know, crass consumerist short-attention span mind. I mean I love Paradise Lost in all its Epic narration and glorious Falls as much as the next reader, but it's no Ratatouille. And sure, Thackeray's witty and sarcastic but I couldn't bring myself to plow through all 700+++ pages of the lengthy tome with its minute Times New Roman size 10 font and faded cheapskate ink, what with my doing so badly in French and skipping lectures to drink coffee at the mall like some over-privileged truant. By the way I slightly redeemed my French in the last few tests, except, of course listening, in which I scraped a 13/20 by writing things like "tant fait pas" (should be "t'en fais pas") and writing crap like "il n'est pas content" when they asked what he meant when he said "n'importe quoi" (which apparently means whatever according to my friend google translate) and getting marks for them. I also just passed my written comprehension (10/20, WIN), because I suck at it. Luckily after a whole morning and afternoon of cramming for French because I had not been listening in class for the past ten weeks I managed to understand subjonctif and the double pronoun usage thing and did okay for Grammar.

Anyway, point is, I'm getting jaded in NUS. So completely fucking jaded. Oh and the Parry Liu thing? Doesn't affect me because I'm an English Literature major, bitches! Not the smartest choice to choose that major in NUS, but we ain't got no blues like the computing/science blues. So. Jaded. It's not the professors, as a whole literature professors are awesome because usually they have a wicked sense of humour and a sarcastic outlook on politics/religion/life, which I dig. It's just that the modules offered at NUS? They don't even have a token fun one, like Children's Literature (I would read everything) or, I don't know, other fun themed ones. Sure, they have Sci-fi (which I couldn't take because of the requirements) but according to other lit people it's a tough module that should be avoided. And I never did like Sci-fi anyway.

I'm hoping the semester away will help me gain back some semblance of love for essay writing.

This was on the papers today, in the Forum section in Life:

(Josephine Tay): I read with great disappointment that Elton John has been given the honour of having an orchid named after him (Orchid Named After Elton John, Prime, Nov 19). I am dismayed that his partner David Furnish and their adopted son Zachary (both right with John) were also publicised to ‘share his honour’.
There are other celebrities and dignitaries more deserving than this pair. Singapore would be seen in a much better light on the world stage if, for example, recent F1 champion Sebastian Vettel had been accorded this privilege instead.
Is homosexuality to be openly encouraged and endorsed by the Government?

What?! They named an orchid after a gay man who happened to be a knight? THE BLASPHEMY! I mean, they even let his gay heathen partner and his poor wretched son "share the honour"? We must inform the elders! I mean Vettel, virile and speedy and manly with his big manly loud ungay racecar (a palindrome, by the way) deserves a flower named after him so much more. Because he's not gay, duh. And he drinks red bull.

"Singapore would be seen in a much better light on the world stage"? Oh please, don't try hiding your blatant homophobia behind this crap, obviously your topic sentence, if you were a better essay writer, would be "Is homosexuality to be openly encouraged and endorsed by the Government?". He's a "Sir" by the way. You just jelly you ain't no Dame.

I'm so sick of fucking homophobes and brainless racists. You know, the thing about the member of the PAP Youth Elite Wing or whatever they're called and his post on terrorist training kindergartens? And the other thing about the shopped pig? I mean I'm no better with my prejudices against our comrades from panda-land even though I personally knew and got along with most of them in hall. Except this one who didn't shower (truth. He stank to high heaven) and was rumoured to have leaves strewn all over his room floor, which is just plain gross in any nationality, plus he didn't do any work in the sets building team of saigang warriors I was in, so screw him and his pungent BO. I'm trying to be less prejudiced but when you hear stories about some of their behaviour, like SM's project mate or Judy's group who left her to do everything by herself because apparently they don't speak English or something you can't help but be swayed.

It's the whole demonisation of the other thing, because isn't it the same for sexual orientation/race/nationality? You perceive differences which you believe to be true of the others in the group, or you just think you're better than them because you're more hygienic, less smelly, less of a jackass in group projects, write and speak better English, mug less, shave your pits more often, slack more (by the way, all these are my set of prejudices) then they are/do. I cannot bring myself to embrace them, so I guess here's where tolerance comes in. The whole in-your-mind-you-hate-them-but-you're-going-to-be-a-hypocrite-about-it sort of tolerance comes in. No harm no foul, right?

It's really weird though, it's not like I've met any truly horrible panda-land comrades as mentioned in those fables you hear, but I guess it's just the spirit of the times huh? Zeitgeist.

But hey, doesn't change the fact that said Forum writer is a rabid homophobe. It ain't your orchid so go suck an egg.

Didn't proofread, sorry.

Help, I need somebody

2011-11-09T00:09:00.004+08:00

I need some advice. Do I stay with a bunch of NUS students in a Singaporean-owned townhouse, with amenities(?) like washing machines and INTERNET, or do I look for random roommates off campus? I found a few, but there's no internet access for all of them. O: NO INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME? You can just shoot me in the head. Yes, yes, so much for the "I'm a Luddite" vibe I've been trying to cultivate. I need the internet. That's just it.

Oh, and apparently if I stay in the Singaporean-owned townhouse I'd be staying with three NUS guys. No me gusta. I mean I've met them and I they're all nice people, but I can't stay with NUS people for 5 months! I can't I can't I can't. I need to see the outside world, don't I? Like, wtf, you're giving up internet access just because you want to "see the outside world"? Girl the INTERNET is the outside world.

So, dilemma. See, I'm okay with leaving with guys/girls/transvestites, I just, I don't know, ugh. HELP.

Baby I was born this way

2011-11-04T00:28:00.000+08:00

This is bad, I have no idea what to write for an essay due tomorrow. Usually when I do things this last minute I'd have a vague idea about what I'm going to write but for this one my mind's drawing a blank. Maybe it's the effects of Choo's new boyband skin for her blog. Hint: They're 3D, Korean, and apparently into bling-like vintage cameras. And the only one in the group I recognise is this fat one.

Anyway, my essay! I'm just blogging to clear my head because after today's 6 continuous hours of lessons, one presentation and one French test later, my brain isn't really, what's the word, oh, working. It doesn't help that the texts I'm supposed to be writing on are fiendishly difficult: Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter and two Dickinson poems. You'd think the former would be straightforward, but noooooo, there are all these wrought sentences and prickly ideas to decipher in the text and I'm going insane just trying to make meaning out of it. And then Dickinson is just this metaphysical crazy symbolism recluse lady who writes really enigmatic poems. Her poems are great, don't get me wrong, but with the dashes and multifarious words she uses it's just too much for my brain right now. Maybe I should go to bed, since the essay is due at 11.59 at night. It's not a challenge if I do it more than 12 hours before.

409
The Soul selects her own Society -
Then - shuts the Door -
To her divine Majority -
Present no more -

Unmoved - she notes the Chariots - pausing -
At her low Gate -
Unmoved - an Emperor be kneeling
Opon her Mat -

I've known her - from an ample nation -
Choose One -
Then - close the Valves of her attention -
Like Stone

(Dickinson)

I was googling this poem, and found this site where people comment and try to analyse the poems. Now, as readers of literature, we all write elegantly and express meaningful deep thoughts. Here's one I absolutely loved:

"This may onbe one of the boringest poems i have ever read. i hate howshe shows her affection because noone likes her. she is ugly and her poems make me puke in my mouth" -a guest

See? Guest astutely points out how "noone likes her", and very elegantly describes the emotions evoked by Dickinson's poetic language -- "puke in [his/her] mouth".

And another critique:

"all i kno is that this poem is so boring and hard to understand. i dont get why people write such wierd poems that no one can barely understand why do they have to make life so complicated =(" -(another) guest

Doesn't the profound analysis just kill you? I "kno", right?

Anyway literature students are quite vicious in critiquing people's works. We have this tutorial where every fortnight (it's a fortnightly two hour killer of a tutorial) a group has to present on two texts, and after the presentation the TA will get the group out of the room and the remaining students will discuss and come up with questions to ask the group when it returns. Having been part of the inside group for the past three presentations (today was my group's turn to present) I can say that without regulation from TAs and the presence of the presenters, we're really quite straightforward (no "Oh, that was a good presentation, but maybe you could ... ", or "I think your points were good, but ... "). It's refreshing in a bitchy way.

I wonder what they said about us today.

It looks like I'm not going to be starting on my essay any time soon. This essay's for the same module in which I got a B for another essay. A blank B without embellishments (+/-) on the side. A rotund B which looks benign with its fullness and symmetry, yet capable of coolly stabbing my in the heart with superior indifference. Hey, I'm a literature student, I can afford to be melodramatic once in a while; it's poetic license.

I can't afford another B essay in this module! I don't think I can withstand the crushing feeling of getting a B (not even B+) for a literature module. Yes, don't you just loathe my elitist leanings? So much for being an angsty rebel against the establishment; in the end we all just want our distinctions and honours, don't we? There was this poet laureate who got a second class honours in University and apparently that was a regretful thing, according to his friends, and probably an ugly blemish in his life. Never mind that he was a freaking poet laureate. People really are caught up with small imperfections (you know, the story about the black ink dot on a blank piece of white paper?), which probably explains Soke May's project work distress.

How about I go to sleep now and wake up at 9 to start on my essay? That still leaves me a good 13 hours or so to do my essay. Okay so I have a three hour lecture. And not to mention the travelling time from home to school. The professor really shouldn't have extended the deadline, it's a horrible thing to do to procrastinators.

Speaking of professors, I really like literature professors. It seems almost a prerequisite that they must be witty, funny and insightful deep thinkers. I'm not saying once or twice a somnolent one doesn't slip past the net (just ask anyone who took the introductory course in the first semester; boring enough to make you want to stick a fork in your eye), but mostly they're really awesome professors to have. It's funny (ironic?) how they all seem to fit into types: the wry matriarch in the cheongsam (who seems entirely intimidating but is really a superb and amiable teacher), the funny American goofball (who's actually highly intellectual and good at picking out flimsy arguments, aka The One Who Gave Me a B), the absent-minded awkward professor (who is absent-minded and awkward), and the British guy with all the British witticisms and mumbling. But enough of me waxing lyrical about literature professors. I'm just really glad I'm majoring in something I enjoy studying (what's the point of studying literature? But ask this question of anything and soon you'd be reduced to solipsism [n. The view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist], and everyone knows that that's going nowhere).

It's really cold tonight (gratuitous comment on weather). I give up; I'm not going to come up with some brilliant essay tonight, so I met as well rest my brain. The essay? Ce n'est rien, I'll do it tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Miss the misery

2011-10-12T01:17:00.002+08:00

I think I just broke my personal record for essay writing time. 4 hours! Sure, the time taken to write an essay doesn't have any correlation to how well you do for an essay, but there's still a kick in breaking records. Okay whatever. See, I blogged!

Time after time

2011-09-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

I have reverted my angsty post into a draft, because I buy into the whole revisionist view of history.

But then I just smi-i-ile

2011-09-11T02:24:00.003+08:00

Now, a gratuitous picture of something cute, so you won't think I'm clinically depressed:

See? Happy chairs!

Learning to talk again

2011-09-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

I am so into Foo Fighters right now.

Alors on danse

2011-09-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

Blogger has a new "modern" format. I guess it needs to compete with Tumblr/Twitter. It's... nice, I guess. Not very Bloggery, as in, no more clunky styles and dull orange/blue. For people who dig the whole nostalgia-till-it-hurts thing it's "in the good old days...", but it's just Blogger, so whatever.They have this readership tracker, and apparently people who have unicorn fetishes are being led to this blog through Google:

And Leonard Euler, the Math guy, remember? No? He did the thing? With the numbers?

Yeah whatever. French people like long words and horrible tenses. Euler's sort of French. Maybe he counted in French, which made his Math brain work differently from us underachievers who count normally.

2011-09-04T23:50:00.003+08:00

Hell yeah, baby! I'm actually superlatively more thrilled at the GOING TO NEW YORK thing.

But:

The Flea

2011-08-22T01:38:00.001+08:00

I've been having weird localised stabs of pain in my head. I attribute that to an average of 5 hours of sleep (I NEED SLEEP) per day for the past week or so. Good night to you to.

Every day's like an open door

2011-08-18T17:10:00.002+08:00

I have some time to kill now before French (two hour break per fortnight) so I'm blogging! Haven't really used this thing in a while except to talk about how Latin is cool and anagrams rock. I just had an American literature lesson, and honestly I have to thank my years of watching American sitcoms and cartoons for my not being absolutely lost in the class when the lecturer's speaking.

He was talking about the Boston Tea Party, and Declaration of Independence, among other nationalistic American history stuff. I learnt about the former from a Suite Life of Zack and Cody episode, and the 1776 Declaration from Fairly-odd Parents. So while other people were being studious and hard-working my long hours of being a couch potato has led to my not feeling that out of depth in the lesson. Television is good for you, people.

We're reading some Ralph Waldo Emerson essays right now, and if you think the name is familiar it's because on those advertisement boards in MRT stations they often quote his inspirational/happy quotes, which I don't quite remember; it was something about happiness.

I know I haven't been online much lately, because honestly Facebook is turning into a quagmire (love this word) of boredom and I'm just too lazy to turn on my laptop when I'm at home because the internet makes me sleep late. And when I'm not using my laptop I'm on the internet on my iPod and you all know that you can't multitask on the iPod, the screens are small and the thing's pretty laggy at times, and I'm just too darned lazy anyway. If you need to know one thing about me it's that laziness is usually the main reason why I don't do things.

Not boys.

Somehow Chip and Soke May (and now Choo) speculate that the reason I don't appear online or on FB that often is that I have some amorous activity going on.

No, I don't.

I am so hungry!

I skipped the first lesson of the day (10 to 12) and had breakfast at Mcdonald's instead, then after that I slummed at Starbucks until 1 and headed to school for my next lesson. My timetable's an absolute bitch this semester. I have an 8am tutorial! French, which means I can't even zone out because French tutorials are all about speaking French in class whether you want to or not.

Anyway I want to tell you the awesomeness that is skipping lectures. I was absolutely dreading going to school this morning because I just wasn't in the mood (not a very good explanation, I guess, but if you stay in Pasir Ris and you take almost 2 effing hours to get to school you're allowed to feel that way). It wasn't because I didn't like the lecturer or module, both are, so far, interesting (Asian-American lit. I don't like how English is transmogrified into weird, meandering "colloquial" forms (Amy Tan, anyone?), or how the protagonists are trying to find their identity. Sure, pressing, serious issues, but GET A GRIP, PLEASE, but as of now it's still managing to hold my interest). So, skipping lectures: DO IT. I swear, when I decided to forsake crossing that one last road separating me from the bus interchange and the humongous queue of would-be latecomers, the sun was suddenly bursting with warmth and birds were singing in the chopped off branches, and I felt like belting out some showtunes.

No, not even a hyperbole.

I swear it's good for your heart.

I am so dreading French! The lecturer speaks only in French now, and on Monday she was saying something which I thought was "Tu Toyer" and "Vous Voyer", which I honestly thought were some wacky new verb which I haven't learnt. I kinda grasped at straws and guessed what she was talking about (how in Uni people used "vous" and whatnot), but I was trying to get over the shock that I can't zone out in French anymore. Eh.

After googling, turns out it's not a verb, it's "tutoyer" and "vouvoyer", apparently. How can I live without you, Google! Take my info, go on, all yours!

I'm in the library anyway. Rare, huh? I'm usually averse to spending time in the library but the weather was killing me. And I wanted to blog. Anyway you should read Emerson, he makes some really interesting points. And here I was thinking all he did was talk about happy and inspirational things. Which he does.

Uh.

I was reading some online article and it was about how after the advent of the internet (and google, I guess) people start taking for granted that whatever information they needed they could access easily, like this pool/reservoir of knowledge, so people don't bother trying to remember stuff when everything can be found on the internet. Okay, not a brilliant observation, but yeah. It suits me just fine, being a lazy bugger.

I hate people who whisper in hushed voices in lectures. I do that sometimes too, should really try to change that habit.

Time to get into study mode!

Misery loves company

2011-08-14T03:36:00.003+08:00

Pardon the Latin in the blog heading. I've been reading Marlowe's devilish play and that phrase just caught my attention. For a piece of Renaissance drama, it's really not too bad, at least something is happening. I don't have very high standards when it comes to reading plays.

Oh I need sleep. My brain isn't actually functioning at the moment.

Wordplay

2011-08-13T01:30:00.003+08:00

Washington Crossing the Delaware

A hard, howling, tossing water scene.
Strong tide was washing hero clean.
"How cold!" Weather stings as in anger.
O Silent night shows war ace danger!

The cold waters swashing on in rage.
Redcoats warn slow his hint engage.
When star general's action wish'd "Go!"
He saw his ragged continentals row.

Ah, he stands - sailor crew went going.
And so this general watches rowing.
He hastens - winter again grows cold.
A wet crew gain Hessian stronghold.

George can't lose war with's hands in;
He's astern - so go alight, crew, and win!

-David Shulman

Every line in the poem is an anagram of the title. How awesome is that?

Spiderman, Spiderman

2011-08-10T02:58:00.001+08:00

Everybody loves Cyanide and Happiness.

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he

2011-08-03T01:56:00.002+08:00

We don't need your money, money, money

2011-08-02T21:15:00.005+08:00

Remember how I talked about my dream home and its floor to ceiling book shelves? My house will not be in Singapore. Besides the obvious reasons of humidity and crazy HDB prices, there's this, and new Mediacorp dramas.

If you didn't open the link and read it, it's about those parents who volunteer to get their children into top primary schools, which is a practice which encourages elitism since only parents who can spare the time (time=work=money) have the advantage. Meritocracy my ass. Even though I don't agree that being in a "top" primary school (see derisive use of quotation marks?) guarantees your offspring will be the next, uh, Lee Kuan Yew- for want of a more appropriate person- it's simply appalling to see how transparently elitist our society has become. What's wrong with good ol' neighbourhood schools, like the wonderfully charming Park View Primary School, where students smoked leaves and threw chairs?

But really, I came from there and you don't see me smoking freshly plucked leaves, do you? I'm just this sane, normal, well-adjusted young adult who's every bit the cog in the machine. Isn't that the aim of education? You don't see me kissing girls (because, y'know, the whole LGBT rights thing) and joining the opposition, do you? I'm every bit the true blue, "increase transport fares, why not? I can do with less money! In the meantime, why don't you fuck my hypothetical wife and kill my hypothetical children too? I ain't stopping you!" Singaporean.

Wait, there I go again, sounding like some delinquent. I'm not saying that life isn't "so far so good" for me. By the way did you know that we Singaporeans love saying that? I digress; life so far has been really good to me- I'm in school, I haven't died and I'm not destitute, yet. But this isn't about me right now, it's just that lately I've found that I'm disliking Singapore at an increasing rate, and by the time I do want to have my own home I'm not sure I'd want it here. I swear it's not ~~just~~ the weather.

I cannot be sure if there are countries I'll love more than Singapore, because I haven't lived in any other country for more than a month, but I know that I'll have to try finding one because there's no place for someone like me here. I'm not hard working, pragmatic or driven, I don't have a scholarship, and I have dreams which aren't state-sponsored. Whenever I tell people I'm an English Literature major, the first question they ask is "What do you want to work as, a teacher?"

I should buy a shirt which goes: "No, I don't want to be a teacher", so that it'll clear the matter up. I don't know what I want to work as, and I don't want to be a teacher, not because it's not a noble job but because I feel like strangling people who don't understand my half-assed explanations. I'm not very patient. Plus I've met too many inept and self important teachers and I really don't want to get caught up in the meaningless teacher politics.

Speaking of which, She-who-must-not-be-named is going to become VP at a girl's school, with all her self-righteous rhetoric and bull. So much for being part of the reason why half the cohort took up GP tuition; if you need a reason to believe in the randomness of life and the meaninglessness of your endeavours this is it. Of course that's only if you believe that higher income and status is the end-all of your endeavours and the purpose of your life, so yeah okay I'm just shooting myself in the foot here.

Where was I? Oh, why I'm starting to dislike Singapore? It's mainly because of the fact that we are progressing too quickly and choosing pragmatism and economic growth over everything, so much so that we're slowly losing touch with the human side of things. Who cares if the trains are crowded and people find it tough to keep up with increasing fares if it means an extra million or two in my pocket? Who cares if other parents cannot volunteer as long as my child gets in a top school and eventually gets a scholarship which I can brag to other parents about? Not my fucking business.

Guess what, it's really not my fucking business, because I'm not one of those who are detrimentally affected by the fare hikes (sure, it'll mean I'll be spending more but it's not likely that I'll starve because of it), nor do I have a child who's turning 7 soon, but I just hate it that everything that the country considers to be important is completely dissonant to what I think is important. Call it selfish, but I want to be in a country where you're not considered completely worthless if you're not economically viable as a person, where if you want to raise a child he/she can be free to enjoy a childhood (which is a construct, but shut up I'm trying to make a point here) instead of worrying about tuition and whether he'll be able to catch up on the curriculum. Plus it's not like today's education system is anything to give up a happy childhood for, since it's still basically 80% rote learning (think Chemistry), 10% "creativity" and group work, and 10% sucking up to the correct teachers. See, statistics is fun!

Sometimes I can't help but feel like a failure for not getting a scholarship so that my parents can one-up their relatives/colleagues, because like it or not it happens. It's not like I wasn't given the opportunity to get one, but it goes against every fibre of me to lie to the old coots on the panel and grovel to them just so I could get a scholarship. Sure I wouldn't end college in debt if I did, and I would have a secure job for at least 4 years (or for life if I wanted, unless I suddenly developed a child-porn addiction), plus it would have given my parents supreme bragging rights ("Yeah she got a scholarship. And nooooo she never had any tuition in JC. Huh, your girl had tuition ah? What tuition?" I don't actually know what they talk about, but I guess if one-upmanship's the game then it's probably something like that). But if you don't stand for something you'd fall for anything, right? I would never have been able to lie through my teeth just for a chance to get a scholarship without feeling like I've sold a part of my soul.

It's weird how I turned out to be so anti-pragmatism. It's not even that bad a thing, because you need to be pragmatic to survive, don't you? You can't eat ideals and dreams. Conversely you can't live without dreams too, can you? I wish I knew a way to balance the two, because on one part I need to pay back my parents for everything they've given me so far (cha-ching), which means slogging my guts out for the rest of my life or so, and the other part of me just wants to leave everything behind me and explore the world, both literally and figuratively. But that's another problem for another day.

I blame Enid Blyton books. They're all about fairies and pixies and toys coming to live at night, which feeds into the imagination and leaves you thinking that anything is possible. Since when was anything possible? I'm so free right now and yet all I can think of is how I'd be heavily in debt in the future and my life would be just that, a paper chase and a dead-end job. I'm terrified by that future, honestly, because what if that's all I'll ever be?

When I was younger my aunt read my palm. I have this line which runs from the bottom of my middle finger to the bottom of my palm/start of my wrist, sort of like a line splitting my palm in half. My aunt said that line means I'll have a highly successful career in the future, and I remember thinking that must mean I'll be a in a high-level managerial post, because that was what I was conditioned to think when the idea of success if brought up. I don't believe in palmistry, but if I were to define success on my own terms now, it wouldn't "a high-level managerial post".

I'm going in circles. I shall read up on palmistry now! D:

Sympathy for the Devil

2011-07-30T02:29:00.005+08:00

Note to self: When it's 2.30 in the morning you shouldn't be starting on organising your playlist.

I was packing one of my book cupboards today and I found some gems:

Remember how for art lessons we had to do the ruler scratching piece? I was so fed up with the colouring (two flippin' layers! Bloody many colours and dirty hands!) and I really didn't want to ruin a perfectly good ruler with the colours, so I did a last minute hack job of it, evidently.

If you couldn't read that, Ms Tang (d'okay, d'alright) wrote: Could do far better 45. Which meant I failed that assignment. I don't like colouring drawing blocks (twice, d'okay?).

I have this awesome Pokémon card file and I have all three Clef-volutions! Not a real thing like Eevolution. I received the Clefairy by accident; it was on one of those school vans home and these guys, these bunch of rowdy guys who sat at the back of the van (you know how the coolest and oldest students always seat at the back?), found an album of rare holographic Pokémon cards left on the seat and they were joyfully ripping out all the cards and just throwing them around. The Clefairy one landed beside me and I rationalised (I'm not a very nice person) that since I didn't know to whom the album belonged to (poor guy) and that the guys at the back were going to steal the cards anyway I'd better take the poor lost Clefairy and treat it with the love and care it deserves. I know; I'm a horrible, horrible person.

The other two I got through legal means- my cousin. At least I think it's legal, he could have murdered someone to get them for all I know.

Remember the art assignment where we had to do a self-portrait of our younger selves? Here's the picture I chose:

Wasn't I a cute baby? Before I turned into a Clefairy holographic card stealing little thief? Anyway, here's what I drew:

Drumroll please

KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Obviously besides being a thief I also sucked at drawing faces. I tried it again today and here's what I got:

No wait why did you draw a demon baby? Summon the priests! Ring the bell! Call the elders! The devil has struck!

Anyway I hope my baby photo proves to you that I am not of Australian descent. The self-portrait may seem to show that I'm of devil descent though. That I'm not so sure.

Why so serious?

2011-07-12T22:51:00.004+08:00

I realise I haven't blogged in almost a month. That must be some sort of a new record. The past few weeks have been equal parts hobo and full, so I can't really say I have a life. Maybe a half-life.

This afternoon while I was lying on the sofa (and after that falling asleep; it was pretty unglam so luckily no one came to the door) I dreamt that I was in Europe with two of my choir friends. Yeah, I know, choir friends? What's up with that? I digress. So anyway I wasn't technically allowed to be there (apparently I had entered ilegally or something), so we were trying to get me in a hotel without getting caught, because I had to steal a packet of tea leaves for Linette's birthday present.

I successfully stole the tea and a sachet of sugar from one of the hotel rooms, and I set out to meet Linette, which involved me doing some high risk jumping from high places. I finally found her near the Arc du Triomphe, where she was hanging out with Selena Gomez.

Then I woke up.

I went shopping today because I had no idea what to wear to this "smart casual" birthday party, but I got sidetracked and bought this expensive pen and this faux-leather bag from one of those cartshops, so in the end I still have no idea what to wear to the party. I almost bought pink shorts, but after hugging the shorts in the shop while I mulled over my choices, I decided that I really didn't need pink shorts, because they were pink and I was/am broke.

Facebook is so boring.

Oh and new is that we'd start having choir on Saturdays to. Fuck. I cannot state that enough. FUCK.

Sentosa, anyone?

I've been hanging out a lot with Yunxuan Yingyu and Xumei. It's almost like Sec4 again, except more expensive, less cussing and less talking about how F-shit sucks to the core. Believe me some of us still bear grudges. Okay, all of us, who am I kidding?

I wanted to blog more but I've got blogger's block, so.

Everyday I'm shuffling

2011-06-16T17:35:00.002+08:00

I am going to call the laptop service centre tonight to reformat (fo'real yo) my laptop, so that I can download some obnoxiously loud dance tracks (Party Rock Anthem comes to mind) to blast tomorrow. I'm setting out on the harrowing task of clearing out my wardrobe, because my clothes are in a state of utter patheticity. Which, apparently, is a real word according to my iPod. Who knew?

And when I'm done clearing my stuff out, I'll donate some to the Salvation Army. I mean I have some circa 2004 clothes in there and I sure as hell won't be wearing them ever again. I enjoy wearing big shirts and board shorts as much as the next tomboy-wannabe, but no use pretending I'd ever put them on and wear them out with pride anymore.

Now that I've blogged about it, it's official that I'm going to do it; honestly I've been putting the task off since the holidays started.

It's nine in the afternoon

2011-06-10T00:03:00.003+08:00

Today was different. Oh by the way I'm using my iPod to blog so pardon any weird sentences which don't make sense. I just came home from choir practice (just, as in I've already showered and all that) and I'm having hunger pangs, but since I don't have decent (read: junk) food in my house I'll just go to sleep soon. As I was saying, before the digression, today went rather differently. Instead of going home alone I actually ended up with an entire bunch (okay, like 10?) of choir people, which is a situation I've always strived to avoid with every fibre of my being. So anyway, there was a music comm meeting after the practice, so nobody really lingers in the studio after those; I rushed out as soon as the meeting was over, and while waiting for the bus I was hoping that they would linger and talk, or at least that no one would notice me sitting at the bus stop.

So much for hoping, the SC noticed me and came over, and before long the whole bunch of them saw her and joined her too. Eventually we all ended up on the same bus where I was thinking of how I should escape ("I'm going to buy food"? But use that too often I turn into a supper-hungry glutton, which I am but that's not the point). Besides I had to top up my card and there's the whole dilemma of should I tell them to go first or what, but that was avoided because there were two others who needed to top up their cards too.

I'll stop belabouring the point about how painfully awkward I am in such social situations. I ended up on the train with three other choir members, one of whom stays in Pasir Ris. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, and I didn't feel like blowing my brains out anytime during the talking (and the silences during which we think of things to talk about), and even the part where the other two got off and left me with a junior from alto didn't make me wish for the universe to implode. They were all nice people, and I probably could endeavour not to try so hard to avoid human contact, but hey, I'm still going to. They were all perfectly friendly, but I really can't, y'know get over the 'rebel without a cause' days. Come on, I only made friends with people who were hardened rebels against choir! Now I'm in a comm? What a sellout, yo.

Oh then at the bus interchange I wanted to buy a drink from the vending machine, but it kept spitting out my coin, so I gave up. I don't usually buy drinks but then again I don't usually talk to people on my journey home leaving me parched (I exaggerate). Point is, after giving up, this dude came up to me and was like, "Can you spare me a dollar, just now I also used the machine, the stupid machine." I guess the machine ate his coin or something, but I was confused because nobody asks people for money like that right? I thought he wanted to borrow a coin and try his luck at the machine again, and for some weird reason I thought I was going to get my money back, so I handed him the coin, after which he walked away. I just stood there staring and it suddenly struck me that I just gave money to a random stranger for no good reason. I guess he saw me staring at him with a bewildered look on my face, so he gave me a thumbs up which meant, "you're fine with giving me money for no reason right?", to which I gave a half-hearted thumbs up for, "sure, random stranger, I'm fine with giving you money for no good reason!" Anyway I wasn't going to walk there and demand he return me my dollar, and I think I was way too confused about what I just did. After a few seconds of frowning and thinking about what I just did (I was like, what just happened? Did I give money away?), I walked away thinking how surreal that was. I really didn't have a good reason, I mean he wasn't even slightly good looking so I can't say I was smitten, nor did he tell me what he needed the money for.

Really surreal, I tell you.

Today was weird.

When I grow up

2011-06-05T15:48:00.003+08:00

When I grow up I'm going to live in a house with huge bookcases starting from the ground and ending at the ceiling and its shelves are going to be filled with all sorts of books, and the house is going to smell like books. And there's going to be a fluffy sofa or armchair and a small table beside it, so that I'll have a place to set my mug of Milo or milk when I read my books.

This is my 666th post on this blog. Whoa, like, total devilry, dude!

We hate you please die

2011-06-04T01:25:00.002+08:00

I watched Scott Pilgrim vs the World shortly after the exams ended. I thought it was going to be all hipster "I'm too cool and offbeat" but it's actually quite funny. And the little bits of video game music (Zelda!) was ~~a reminder of how much I don't have a life~~ fun too.

That is all. Oh, and Michael Cera looks 16.

Oh how far you are from home

2011-06-03T22:51:00.005+08:00

I have finished reading all six books of the Lord of the Rings! It isn't a trilogy. And the weirdest thing is I finished The Return of the King in one sitting today, while it took me five years and several dead ends before I could finish The Two Towers, because I started in 2004 but got utterly stuck in the quagmire that was the Ents and the Helms Deep battle that I gave up before even reaching the part of the ring-bearer. I finally sat through the entire book in 2009, and the entire effort took four years longer than the time Frodo and Sam took to destroy the one ring of power.

Yeah I don't really have much to blog about because so far my life consists of choir, reading and not doing a whole lot of anything. Of course I did go out and spent about $40 in a day, despite me not working. I went out to watch Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides with Linette, Ada and Jiayin, and spent $12 on Bishi-Bashi in the arcade and more at dinner and dessert.

And surprisingly salted egg yolk ice cream isn't as bad as it sounds.

I think I keep having dreams about you people for some reason, but I can't seem to remember exactly what happens in them.

I remember the first song (or the first song I remember) I ever sang in a choir performance came from the LOTR movie, and I don't think I'll ever forget that song. It has an epic feel to it and every time a poignant moment appears in the books that song will play in my mind's ear (or something).

The story of the elves is especially sad, isn't it? They're immortal, everything they love would one day perish and all they can do is sail over the sea with nothing but memories of what they love. And there are the Ents who look forever for their Entwives but never find them, so eventually they'd all die too, wouldn't they? I've always liked books with quests in them, partly because I'm an escapist and I know I'll never be a part of anything epic, and partly because they involve travelling and growing and so far the only travelling and growing I've done is maybe grow fat(ter) on a family vacation, but even those are hard to come by nowadays.

The only way I'd die without regrets is if I have seen my share of the world, and done something I deem is meaningful, but so far, if I were to die now-

nope, not dead yet, I'd not have led a life worth living, because all I do is sit around waiting for something amazing to happen, and you all know about the story about the man who waited for the rabbit under the tree. He died. He died a horrible death.

No actually I can't remember what happened to him, but probably nothing much except maybe he finally figured out the rabbit wasn't coming. I probably will never chance upon a ring of power in a cave under the mountains while guessing at riddles, nor will my adoptive uncle leave me the one ring after he magically disappears on his birthday, and I may never journey leagues to battle evil, but I do still want something to happen, you know? Something epic and not part of this mundane capitalist grind.

But no, tomorrow I'm going to watch Friends until I puke and/or fall asleep.

Who you gonna call?

2011-05-30T12:28:00.002+08:00

I just realised the term "uncaring spirits" makes me sound as though I have a bunch of indifferent ghost pals hanging out with me. I meant to say something along the lines of how I'm not doing anything kind or caring or beneficial to society now. I should be somewhere building libraries or bio-fuel tanks, but between being broke and being friendless, I don't really have the opportunity or motivation to do that.

Besides everyone knows that going overseas to help people, although commendable and, uh, noble, is also simultaneously an excuse to go overseas and have fun with friends, or at least experience something different. I guess if you really wanted to help people but didn't have the money to there are the poor and destitute in Singapore too, and they are way more accessible.

I had a lot of fun in Yunnan, but honestly I don't think I contributed a lot beyond clearing the field and, uh, playing with the kids. The only beneficial thing I remember contributing towards is the evergreen topic of Soke May and the macho village chief, aka 村长. And maybe giving myself a new nickname (vomiting Vivien).

Yeah enough blogging, my failures in life are bringing me down. Chocolates! Brownies! Me eating chocolates and brownies.

I'm so happy, 'cause today I found my friends (they're in my head)

2011-05-30T12:20:00.002+08:00

Everyone's off doing meaningful things in other countries, like building wells or teaching children, and here I am blogging about my mundane life and my uncaring spirits. The kindest things I do are giving money to flag day volunteers and giving up seats to old people; what am I doing with my life?

And it's not even money I've earned, it's pocket money. I'm twenty and- yeah okay, slippery slope of despair here. Think happy thoughts! Chocolate! Brownies! Me eating chocolates and brownies. Yum.

Aneurism

2011-05-30T12:13:00.004+08:00

Last week in choir I was supposed to be teaching them some new pieces, but I played the first few notes and completely lost my head because I was reminded of how bad I was at playing the piano and I had a minor freak out in front of the sopranos. In the end the student conductor took over and helped me teach the piece.

I probably should rein in my anxiety better, huh?

You're a firework

2011-05-30T11:36:00.002+08:00

I recently dreamt that Chip and I were in Japan, and she was on the run from someone who was trying to sell her as a child slave. We were trying to escape by running into dark alleyways and decrepit buildings, but it was dark and we didn't speak the language, so we decided to crash in Choo's small apartment. So effectively Choo was harbouring a fugitive, but all I could care about was whether she had dry bathrobes and towels for us.

Then there were fireworks being set off somewhere in the vicinity, and I was happy I was with friends.

I need a job man.

I'm a loser

2011-05-23T02:34:00.002+08:00

DISCLAIMER: This post will probably not make much sense because I was kinda just freely typing out every single unconnected shit.

Let me jut be a bitch for a while, okay? I was having choir practice (on a Sunday! I would believe in God if there was a Universal law declaring Sundays as the holy no-crap day, but since there isn't) and it was a few of us from the school choir and a whole bunch of these outside choral group people. Me being a loser is not the point though, since you all know all about that. Point is, I was the only one in the section from my choir, so I ended up sitting beside two of the biggest choir geeks I've ever met in my life.

Not literally the biggest, mind you, that'll be me if I ever met myself. Uh. Okay digressing.

So, they were having conversations about getting a vibrato and their breath capacity and they were singing these high pitched thingies while we were having a break. From the, you know, singing. Gawd. Seriously. I know I don't have a life, and I know, sure, they're just being passionate and the shizz, but it's a Sunday! I'm supposed to be at home doing nothing! But noooo I had to seat beside them while they went on about how geeky they were.

I guess the reason for all the crabby bitchiness is that it reminded me of the sort of people I hated when I was in choir the last time. Like, stop with your enthusiasm! Leave me alone! I don't want to hear you rattle on and on about how you love choir! SHUT UP.

Plus it was a Sunday.

And now I'm at the risk of turning into one of them choir geeks. Which I don't fucking want to. Which may be another reason why I don't hang around with them more, because I don't really want to hate choir now. I'm just overwhelmed by really enthusiastic people, unless, y'know, they're interested in overtly time-wasting things like Pokémon, video games and things which aid in the art of slacking. I guess there's this gene in me which makes me nauseated and uncomfortable when I'm around people who are driven, excited about academia, excited about CCAs (GEEKS), super enthusiastic and, yeah, the list goes on. I can't do it, because it's like turning me into someone I'm not. I read Choo's semi-reply about my asocial (not antisocial. Different) post awhile ago, and I must say, I never really ever put in too much effort in making friends. I mean it's all serendipitous that I made good friends, because of being in the same class, or having the same breaks, or, like, hanging out in the same group. Oh, and something in common to gripe about. I know I'm horribly ungrammatical here, but eh whatever it's almost 3. The main difference between now and then is the fact that these things don't exist anymore; we don't have a group to hang out with in University, we don't often have same classes with people, and we don't have much to gripe about to other people. And oh, another difference is that now I consciously try to avoid other people because I no longer have a group to hang out with.

It takes that much more effort to have a good friend now than it did. And I feel like I'm on the brink of depression, because you know how that's defined as a loss of feeling and motivation and emotion? Yeah I don't even feel anything much nowadays, and I'm living vicariously through watching Friends. And when I have to go out for choir I just feel bummed out that the world didn't end yesterday and I still have to do things and go out and spend money and meet people. And I don't even feel like doing anything at all. Anything.

It's horrible.

If I don't blog for a while you'd have to forgive me because I have nothing going on in my life. It's stagnant. If my life were a puddle there'd be mosquito larvae all over it, and you'd all die of the dengue and the stagnation of the water and maybe I need to stop sleeping at 4 every night because it's turning me into a morbid, macabre, obese, oily, obnoxious, whiny, lethargic, unmotivated, I AM LOOKING FOR A WORD HERE BUT I CAN'T THINK OF IT person.

And recently I feel like deactivating my FB account. I don't even have a good reason for it. Usually when I type out such extremely self-hating posts I'd hesitate because I don't want to seem like a bigger loser than I already am, but screw that I am that big a loser and there's nothing anyone can do to make it better and I'd rather have the world end, maybe just for me if you still want to live, because I sure wouldn't want to deprive you of a happy life. I am useless. I need to sleep. I need some happy hormones and like, a life. GAWD why is it so hot I thought it was going to rain ugh.

LOSER LOSER LOSER I AM A BIG FAT LOSER. WHY? I DON'T KNOW. BYE.

You'll teach me and I'll teach you

2011-05-20T04:23:00.000+08:00

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Who do you think are?

2011-05-20T04:20:00.001+08:00

You know what my biggest fantasy is? To leave and go to somewhere where nobody knows me, disconnect myself (that means you, Facebook!) and burn all bridges, and hobo my life away.

No one told you life was gonna be this way

2011-05-20T03:07:00.003+08:00

I am in the state of being where I'm asocial and pathetic again. You know how I have these choir practices and they're in small groups (because it's the holidays and only losers go for CCAs in the holidays) and it's much harder to leave the room after practice ends unnoticed. But anyway I usually try to sneak away when people are packing and chatting, but you know, there's only one bus stop near the building which has buses which go out of school, so what I do is I usually walk all the way to the number 10 bus stop a distance away just so I don't have to go home with other people.

But this time it was around 9 and I really didn't want to walk, so I walked to the bus stop before the one in front of the building so I could, y'know, not meet anyone. Of course that didn't happen and I boarded the bus which two other choir friends were going to board on the next stop which was exactly what I was trying to avoid because talking drains me out. Long story short (not much shorter), but when we got to the MRT station I told them I was going to buy food from the mall mainly so that I wouldn't have to make small talk on the train. One of them lives in Pasir Ris, and it is a long ride. Oh and I was quite hungry too, so, hey, BreadTalk.

It's not like I don't like them but I really cannot do the whole talking thing again. And honestly, I think I'm saving them the trouble because this way they wouldn't have to make small talk with me! I'm not an interesting person to talk to anyway. When I don't know a person I tend to be wholly reactionary; when they ask a question, I answer. And sometimes, when I'm mildly interested in the conversation partner I'd ask some questions but mostly that's too much work on my part. It's win-win; I get to be alone, and said person doesn't have to make small talk!

I mean, sure, I don't make any new friends that way, but hey, I have this theory that if you're meant to be good friends something just clicks (or, at least, the Universe conspires to let you all become good friends) such that you don't have the burning desire to not speak to the person. Besides, there's this old prejudice I have against people in choir committees, despite being in it myself.

Which reminds me, when I was in Sec 1 there was this really grumpy senior who had this face brimming with bad attitude every choir practice, and being 13 I thought, whoa, bad attitude! Then as time passed I became one of those people who really abhorred choir and everything to do with it (from the gown, to the committee, to the practices), and now, in retrospect, I probably was giving that impression to my juniors too. The circle of life, huh?

This is really bad though, my whole "leave me alone!" outlook in life, because, hey, people need friends and acquaintances! People need contacts and networks and friends (with friends) in high places, because these people get them somewhere in life! And people need new good friends in college/University because otherwise their just losers! But I don't. I'm an utter loser. Sure, I made some okay friends in hall, but we don't hang out on purpose and stuff, and it's just hi/bye now. And sure, I've made some okay friends in choir, because you can't hang out for a year without making friends even if you actively try to leave early and not speak unnecessarily. But I didn't make any good friends at all. It's like you see friends getting to make really close friends and you're like this loser who's too much of a loser to make any good friends.

I should stop watching Friends. It's making me contemplate too much about friends. Y'know, cos, the title and all. And I really should stop watching it till 3 in the morning because that's just bad for the skin. And health, but who cares about health, right?

I don't know what's worse, not having new good friends or not wanting any new good friends. I know I whine a lot about not having new good friends like others do, but you know what the thing is? I don't actually think I need them. It's weird. It's like someone who's ignorant but is completely ignorant about being ignorant. I really don't want to make new good friends. Friends are okay, hi/bye acquaintances are okay too, but I don't see the pressing need for me to expand my "social circle", which, by the way, is a term I don't like. Sure, sure, there are all those findings about how people with more friends live a longer and happier life, but I don't really want a long life. I could do with "happy", which is such an arbitrary term anyway, but everyone knows people only really live when they're not happy. Who wants to hear the story of happy people anyway? That's boring. People want pain, and suffering, and heroics. Or, at least, people love whining about being in pain and suffering and being heroic. That's the stuff bad poetry's made of. That and overindulgent description.

And because I'm such a closet therapist, I think I know what my problem is. I like being unable to make friends. I like it that I have this social ineptitude which I can capitalise on to make it sound like I have this problem in my life, because otherwise my life is just sooooooo boring. I like it that I can make it sound as though I'm not just a normal mundane person because I'm tortured by my insecurities and incapability, and I get a kick out of thinking that I'm different from those well-adjusted individuals who can make friends in a snap, because I'm so tortured and conflicted on the inside. Man I'm sick.

It's like narcissism, but different.

I really am rather narcissistic. Come on, I have a blog. That's flippin' narcissistic enough. The fact that no one reads it is another thing altogether. I complain a lot about how I'm not capable in making friends because I'm so socially inept, but that's just because I want to make it seem as though I'm different, and on Facebook I just keep whining and posting status updates about my boring life because I want someone to comment on them (but that's everybody, so I shall not belabour the point).

Of course there are other forms of narcissism which both my sister and I hate, which is the Facebook status updates which were supposedly posted by friends who "hacked" into their accounts. Yes, last time I checked, hacked didn't effing mean "left Facebook logged in on laptop", and paraphrasing my sister, you could have easily deleted the status update, but noooo what do you do, you post another message saying "MY ACCOUNT WAS HACKED BY MY FRIENDZZZZ THAT WASN'T ME" oh puh-lease, get that out of my elite, uncaring newsfeed, will you? That's the kind of narcissism I cannot stand, because like always, I prefer my narcissism with some subtlety and finesse. If you can't do that for me, then get outta ma face.

Which is why I like sarcasm, you know? It's subtle to the gullible/ignorant, and that's why it's funny. Yes, it's mean too, but it's definitely funny. I've always wanted to get into an argument with someone just so I can use my snarky sarcasm, but so far my mellow demeanour hasn't gotten me into any arguments yet, so.

I'm so bored at home. I'm even bored when I'm supposed to be sleepy (like, now, 3.50am). I was thinking maybe I should give the dusty old guitar a good dusting and maybe tune it. And then fiddle with it and play the 8 chords (or so) that I know. Yes, I do have a guitar. Sheesh, pay attention to my old blog posts, will you?

Oh and I need to pack a room. A list!

THINGS TO DO SO YOU WON'T DIE OF BOREDOM (you=me):

1. Pack room because I swear a litter of puppies could be living in my piles of junk and I wouldn't even know it.

2. But black shirt/black pants, because there's thing choir thing. In other words, see money fly away!

3. Tune guitar

4. Bitch about being bored and how the weather's hot on Facebook. Be narcissistic on Facebook, subtly.

5. S/U computing

6. Stop sleeping at 4

7. Donate blood

8. Stop being an idiot

In other news, I've watched Up twice this week on Disney Channel. Call me a weenie but the movie never fails to make me teary-eyed.

And as a disclaimer, I don't actually dislike choir and/or anyone in it. But come on, it's choir! I used to be a huge (literally, because, have you seen me in the pink dress?, and figuratively) rebel in choir! I can't just suddenly like it without any of my old biases resurfacing. That'll be like a total lobotomish move. And obviously I can't be pals with people who love choir because of that old prejudice; it's just wrong. My people are the ones with bad attitude and sulky faces, man! Power to the people!

Yeah. Anyway in primary school we used to have PETS textbook, but in my sister's time I think they used some "My Pals are Here" textbook (which is like, totally lame, right? Like, totally!) and my mum pronounced it as "my piles are here", which I thought was pretty funny, because, you know, piles->embarrassing butt ailments->haha.

Right.

Didn't proofread, booya!

Bring me back to life

2011-05-18T01:47:00.003+08:00

Ah glorious heat! It brings out the vulgarity in me. I miss playing at playgrounds. Sorry for this lackluster post, I haven't got anything interesting to blog about at all, besides whining about how friggin' hot it is and how I've got no life. But now that the choir overseas competition is cancelled due to poor response, I don't have to worry about not having enough money in my bank account. I know, I know, I'm always making big talk about being a hobo and stuff, but I still need money.

I am so boring, aren't I? Maybe I'll pack my room tomorrow. It's in such a horrible state now I believe that some creatures might have evolved in the piles of junk everywhere. Need a life, need to pack my room, need money. Maybe it is better that the world ends. It's like giving up, but not really because it's not my choice.

Ugh choir.

We are golden

2011-05-04T04:27:00.002+08:00

ANYWAY! NO MORE PAPERS! I had a hot date with Judy after our papers. AWESOMENESS.

Out here the birds don't sing

2011-05-04T00:56:00.007+08:00

WARNING: BLOGGER IS GOING TO RAMBLE ENTIRELY ABOUT THE GENERAL ELECTIONS. YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS, BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME HER VIEWS ARE STUPID. DON'T BOTHER.

I was watching the Channel 8 news last night (not The Noose), and they had this piece about online support for NSP's Nicole Seah and PAP's Tin Pei Ling. They mentioned this page and said it was a page showing support for Tin. They even showed screengrabs of "supporters" posing in her now-iconic cute pose, holding various things like plastic bags and a pack of diapers.

Apparently the people who wrote this piece don't understand the idea of sarcasm. Either that or they are covertly supporting the sarcasm on this page and subverting the system by being sarcastic themselves. That would be really astounding, but I don't have that much faith in the mainstream media just yet.

Last night, I wrote a really long post trying to clear my thoughts about the elections and the parties, but I decided against finishing it because it was too much work. Besides, it seems almost impossible to reach a sound conclusion, because there are so many factors to consider. It's not like I can vote this year.

I just finished listening to PM Lee's Lunchtime Rally, where he apologised twice (or so) for the mistakes and shortcomings of the government (or PAP? I've forgotten) and how it can do better. It must be very humbling for a PM to apologise to the public, right? I don't actually think he is inept or bad, but he just had to be the unlucky one in charge of the generation of PAP which committed several highly publicised flubs. He also argued that (sorry for this sort of essay-writing prose. Haven't quite gotten over the exams) the party/government would try to do its best to listen to what the people are saying on the ground. In effect he makes several promises, and towards to the end he appeals to the "idealistic" and "well-educated" people of Singapore who want something to believe in and fight for.

I don't know about you, but I think that was a good speech, as it appeals to voters by using a softer tone different from the run-of-the-mill speeches exemplifying all various noble things (upgrading! Walking 30 blocks and markets, TWICE!) the party has done and/or the typical holier-than-thou stance taken by a number of people representing the party. It is obviously a calculated move, but from what I hear it really seems quite sincere, actually.

The thing is, there are still areas which can be much better. I'm not from a lower-income group, and I've definitely enjoyed several privileges which others may have missed out on (education, sufficient disposable income- for now-, more than enough of the material, etc.), so I can't give any personal accounts of hardship and despair. I do, however, believe in freedom of speech, gay rights, an unbiased (at least in terms of political inclinations) press, true democracy (which the threats used against voters totally go against, because we are all under the same government and bear the same burdens independent of voting results, so why do they get treated with less care?) and the right to not fear the government if you are not doing anything illegal (some people fear that their votes are not secret, which has to be the most ludicrous thing ever. This shows how the past arrests and detainment of "communist"/"Marxist" parties (without trial), among other things, have spread a fear of dissent in some people, even though their dissent may not be wrong). In these areas I believe we could improve greatly upon; I don't think opening up in these areas would lead to a full-blown disaster, because we are, as is oft claimed, "well-educated" by the "world-class" education system, and are more rational and sophisticated as a people.

I digress, but I don't think I want to work in Singapore's media industry, because despite some signs of decreasing bias, there still exists a high degree of state control, and there is still suppression of viewpoints and/or self-censorship, which isn't very healthy. If I were to write anything at all, I wouldn't want to be an instrument for the state to exercise control over people, because despite all the postmodern gloom shrouding contemporary literature, writers we study in literature modules do believe in the power of the individual, and the power of words- I don't want to use words to oppress/mislead people, because it betrays everything I believe in. Of course I'm not saying the press is that bad, because my stint in it proves that journalists are not mindless idiots, and we do try to present things as they are, but between the omissions (there was this instance where people gathered to support the gay cause in Singapore, the Pink Dot rally or something, and it was totally omitted by the local mainstream media. 2500 people turned up, so it was sure as hell news-worthy- in fact much more newsworthy than many of the things we see in the papers on slow news days. Yes, the fact that this was permitted says something about the strides we are taking as a nation, but the omission of such an unprecedented event points to the tight grip the system has on the media) and the self-censorship I'd say there still exists elements of playing to the state and withholding information from the people, something I vehemently (on this blog HAHA) object to.

Besides this, there's also the bugbear I have with the untested "4th generation" candidates they've introduced. The fact that they'll probably make it into the parliament riding on the coattails of more powerful and capable leaders pisses me off to no end. I'm not actually a fan of NSP's young (I mean I'm younger than she is, but she is relatively young) Nicole Seah; I admire her guts and her fierce passion when she speaks, but she used some rather xenophobic rhetoric and I don't particularly buy that. She also states that she doesn't know the MPs in some constituencies (a point about the MPs not being that personable after all), which may simply be a shot at them and not true, but it undermines her somewhat- a politician who doesn't know her opponents? Yeah but my point is, I can hear the passion and fire in her speeches, and admire her balls of steel, even though I don't agree with all her rhetoric. Anyway after this whole digression, you probably know I'm going to lead on to Tin's speech, because no matter what, there is no doubt that the two are supposed to be juxtaposed against each other (same constituency, similar ages, both not from the elite class). I watched both their rally speeches, because you've got to be fair if you want to comment on their differences. While I can hear the fire in Seah, I find Tin's speech rather similar to the toastmaster (read: exaggerated) style of speech-giving. The fact that she spends the first half minute or so talking about her walking the grounds and visiting the markets twice (and having the aunties recognise her. Wow) puts me off her speech. Yes, it's tiring, and you probably have worked hard in these walkabouts, but spending forty seconds on this supposed feat isn't doing anything to help your image, because you come across rather self-congratulatory. People are like,

I actually believe Tin wants to serve the community, or at least doesn't mean any harm (despite her gaffes and her apparent liking of branded bags), even though I don't hear much sincerity in her speech (nerves? Rote memorisation?), which goes on after her "I WALKED A LOT" spiel to talk about how well the party has done and all successful policies and upgrades they have implemented, which doesn't tell you much about what she stands for. Instead we see her simply listing achievements, which isn't the point of rally speeches. I guess she needs to learn some speech writing/giving techniques, because this isn't working out. I think she is sincere (I mean she did volunteer for several years), and it's just not translating into her speeches. And the fact that she is well-liked and received by her fellow volunteers and the people she works with doesn't mean she's cut out to be an MP, because that requires some skills and nuance when handling/fielding questions from the media. Maybe more training and she'll do better next elections?

Point: The 4th gen politicians (at least the prominent ones) of the different parties have their flaws; it's extremely unfair that this one flawed and inexperienced person will most likely get into parliament despite her very apparent faults and her lack of experience/inability to inspire the public. This points to the flaws of the current GRC system and the process though which new MPs are elected, and there obviously needs to be a change.

Another extremely irritating element I've noticed is the overt discrediting of the opposition, one of the most obvious cases being that of two previous MPs' (since parliament isn't formed yet) insinuations of Hougang's funds being "messy", which was prominently featured in last night's news (as if the FB fanpage gaffe wasn't enough). Here's his reply to those statements, which I actually buy, because obviously the government is not so careless as to allow mismanagement of funds right under their noses. If there was a hint of that at all Low would have been arrested or dealt with faster that you can say, uh, "Majulah Singapura". They may not have been outright with accusations, but the fact that they said that and it was reported in the mainstream media leads to the question of whether it was a deliberate attempt to mislead viewers and an obvious attempt to discredit Low. Pardon the pun, but that's low, I mean as the ruling party with your capable ministers (not being sarcastic, many of them are very capable) surely you're above making such remarks.

Oh, and there's the thing about haughty, detached ministers not heeding the voices of the people, but that's been discussed to death, so I won't belabour the point (as I've been doing for the past too-many-to-bother paragraphs). I don't think the entire party is guilty of that, but there's no denying that we do get a feel of that many a times, when they use dismissive or condescending tones to speak to the people. No one likes snobs! There's no denying that there are people who are willing to reach out and listen to the myriad of voices on the ground, whiny or genuinely helpless. I just (just being a relative term) watched George Yeo's FB video, and call me an optimist, but I really think he is very sincere and that he actually cares for the people and what they say. He doesn't go all "I OWN YO ASS" and "I AM ALWAYS RIGHT" on us, and even though it can be construed as a purely political move (of course I won't deny that this is political), I honestly hear and feel his sincerity and his willingness to serve. You gotta respect someone like that.

There I go, belabouring the point.

Oh and I also respect MM Lee, despite the very loud oppositions heard online. I mean that guy gained the support and trust of the people, had balls of steel when dealing with matters like the merger and its failure, and led us despite the daunting circumstances. He sacrificed years of his life for this country, and that alone deserves respect whether you agree with his strong views or not. There are those dirty little secrets of political prisoners and lawsuits, which cannot be ignored, but I guess he thought the iron fist was needed that time, and any dissent would be horrible for Singapore's future. I don't think anyone feels good about destroying a person (I don't know, maybe clinical psychopaths?), he did what he thought he had to do, and it takes guts to do that. And obviously, he's shrewd and sharp in every decision he made, and you've got to hand it to him, because without him we most definitely wouldn't be thriving today.

But times change, and we cannot have a system similar to that of his time, because we've all evolved, and so have our needs. I guess the ruling party should realise that it is okay to have rational dissent and different voices, because without them you inevitably suffer from groupthink, or at least become so blinded by your past success that you think you're infallible and everything you touch turns to gold. It's scary when you see how they keep assuring the public that they represent the people's voices when some instances seem to suggest the opposite (Lily Neo vs recitation of policies by various MPs, brushing off of queries regarding the influx of foreigners: "IF NOT WHO BUILD YOUR HDB FLATS?"- a question to answer a question? Really? And also the recalcitrant attitude when discussing the issue of ministerial pay: "WE KNOW BEST IF NOT HIGH PAY WHERE GOT TALENT JOIN US?"; maybe you should trust that there are people who are not so money-minded and are willing to serve with passion and sincerity). How can we be sure that this wouldn't happen all the time?

Oh here I go appearing to be anti-PAP again. I'm not actually anti-PAP. Nor am I pro-PAP, pro-opposition (honestly, they could be better. Much better. I agree we need some opposing viewpoints in parliamentary debates, but I can't deny that some of the opposition propose populist policies which seem pretty in the short term but would probably prove debilitating in the long term- and make radical claims without evidence sometimes) or anti-opposition (some seem very capable and passionate, and it would be refreshing to see some new voices and talents in the parliament. And Chiam See Tong/Low Thia Khiang are capable in the fact that they've achieved wins against the ruling party in their estates for years despite sticks and carrots lashed at/dangled in front of the people. Power!). I am entirely for increased freedom and rights, and a more informed people as a whole (to withhold or misrepresent information given to the general public is simply unethical. I don't mean giving up state secrets, I mean giving the press the freedom to present different sides to issues, not merely the side the party approves of). While no government is perfect, not even the Platonic one (because how can philosopher kings ever know what ails the common man? How can they ensure that they won't be blinded by their perceived superiority and dismiss everyone else?), there are flaws which can be lessened or eradicated.

I am rather pro-anarchy though, because I think there's immense beauty in chaos, and from this chaos comes creation. Just to be clear I don't mean physical or literal anarchy, just freedom of information and freedom to speak and act without irrational fear, and in the ensuing chaos of views and voices perhaps something awesome would be created. Okay, veering off to abstract terms and stupidity. It's 4 already WTF.

Actually I'm hesitating to post this. First because it'll probably lose me any readership I have left, and second because this seems too much like something the system censors. Then again, I don't think I've made any unfair/slanderous claims, so my conscience is clear. If someone knocks on my door at 4am taking me to prison, uh, make me a Facebook fanpage please.

2011-04-28T14:39:00.002+08:00

I really wanted to go to White Sands for the air-con; I changed, and was packing my bag stuff, until I thought of going downstairs in the sultry heat and waiting for the bus to come and walking to the mall from the interchange in the hellish weather, which seemed like too much work for air-con. Plus, I've got to like, move and stuff. So I changed back into my at home hobo clothes (the Year 5 camp tee which has stretched beyond what was thought possible and FBTs) and now I'm going to train my team in White until the sun sets.

Don't mind the weird mistakes, I typed this on my iPod and you all know how spastic the autocorrect is sometimes.

Forget you

2011-04-27T23:42:00.003+08:00

I was planning to go on an unfriending spree on Facebook, because nobody really has 300+ friends and some of the things people post up there really bore me to hell (for example, anything which concerns Korean popstars). It's not like I post anything interesting, but I think it's really lame to have "friends" on Facebook you really don't care about at all.

Then I realised that would mean sifting through names and looking at their profiles to see if they posted anything of interest, which seems too much like hard work.

I must be myself respect my youth

2011-04-27T17:05:00.008+08:00

I was watching the short speeches given by the various GE nominees on TV for want of something better to do, and also because I was mildly interested. Basically people crowded around while PAP people shouted: "MAJULAH PAP! MAJULAH SINGAPURA!", while the opposition parties said things like: "WE WILL MAKE THEM ACCOUNT!" (my God I hate accounting! Remember Green Giraffe?). All the while the part of the crowd not supporting PAP booed and jeered whenever the PAP speakers came up. I'm no PAP supporter, but isn't that rather childish and makes the entire thing seem like a farce? If you want serious debate and you wish for your party to be taken seriously you shouldn't resort to such childish methods right?

Oh but I still think the shouting of "KATE SPADE! KATE SPADE! KATE SPADE!" when Tin Pei Ling came out was rather funny.

I think it's quite progressive that the opposition parties have gained so much support, so much so that almost all the constituencies are being contested this year. The only thing I remember from the last GE was finding the condom in my parent's toilet boil, a psychologically traumatising event which I have not quite recovered from, and probably never will. And fortune cookies.

Anyway the whole Kate Spade thing? And how she defended herself by saying that it was a gift from her nouveau-riche husband (just kidding, I don't know his status. He may be old money for all I know)? Honestly it's not a matter of whether you bought it or he gave it to you, it's the whole affair of publicly posting a picture of you posing with the bag, a symbol of affluence, luxury and detachment from the middle/lower-classes, and then contesting for the job of an MP. I'm not condemning owning luxury goods, because hey, I do dream of owning Gucci bags one day (actually, no, I don't give a fuck about branded bags), but you have to agree, the picture is in bad taste when you consider how she says she is concerned with the rights of poorer Singaporeans.

Junli and Peixin both posted this on Facebook:

30 April 2007

Is this the start of Singapore’s decline?
Article and open letter to our government by an ex-journalist

Yeo Toon Joo, Peter, 61
Ex-news editor Straits Times
Ex-assistant editor New Nation
Ex-secretary general Singapore National Union of Journalists
Ex-owner of a public relations company and broadcast PR firm
Hon. Fellow, Institute of Public Relations of Singapore

If the People’s Action Party were to call a general election now, chances are it would lose a good number of seats to the opposition, that is, if you could find able candidates to join the opposition.

If certain changes do not take place in the ruling party’s style of government, in time to come the PAP could lose power. That would be a shame, a tragedy for Singapore. But so strong has been the political backlash, and so great the people’s outrage, over the government’s widely unpopular decision and persistence to reward its cabinet ministers such handsome pay increases.

Dissenting and disapproving views over the latest round of ministerial pay hike have been eloquently articulated, often sneeringly so, but confined mainly to mass emailing and internet postings. The latest salary revision will by next year nearly double each minister’s current remuneration, and bring it on average to nearly three times that of US President George Bush’s, five times in the case of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s.

Minister mentor Lee Kuan Yew had introduced in 1994 his formula of pegging ministerial salaries to 80 per cent of that of the top earners in six professions and businesses in Singapore. It gives Singapore the unique status of having the world’s highest paid political leaders. Their individual salaries surpass by far those of leaders of the world’s largest and most successful economies.

MM Lee’s reasons were that unless he paid top dollar for the best brains he would not be able to attract good and talented people to serve as leaders of the country, retain their services, or keep them above corruption.

Problem is: he had been, for a long time now, looking for leaders in the wrong places, and following a policy that discourages emergence of potential ones. Some who entered the political fray had come a cropper. Not a few have served long terms of incarceration for their political beliefs or activities, others have had to flee the country to live (or die) in exile abroad.

Someone had not so many years back said that the best way to corrupt a person is to feed him so well you enslave him (did MM Lee say that?).

Ironically then, in his effort to ensure that his leaders remain above corruption, he might have bought their souls.

From the relatively brief and muted parliament debate over this burning issue, there seems to be some cracks within the ruling party’s own ranks. However mildly aired, there is, for sure, disquiet and differences of opinion among some PAP members of parliament. Still, what man of sound mind in Singapore would argue against being given a personal pay rise that first jacks up his annual salary to around $1 million and soon to nearly $2 million?

Feed them so well, they will never rebel.

I love my Singapore, and am thankful for the remarkable progress and prosperity it has achieved through the efforts of a stable and good government. I am immensely grateful, too, to the group of people who gave their all for the country in the pre-independence 1950s and our early days of nationhood.

I remain a loyal Singaporean who once had aspirations to serve our country, and did it initially (1960s and early 1970s) as a newspaper journalist, and through the Singapore National Union of Journalists and the National Trades Union Congress, of which SNUJ was affiliate.

I will carry to my grave, with great personal satisfaction, the memory of having been part of the team that pulled off the first successful workers’ strike against a penny-pinching, ill-managed, callous Straits Times Group of Newspapers.

That industrial action, over the Christmas period of 1971, resulted in a fairer deal for several thousands of its employees in Malaysia and Singapore. It was a time of baptism under fire for my SNUJ colleagues and me. Some of us could have lost our jobs with no prospect of working for another English language newspaper in Singapore as there was none other.

The late Mr C V Devan Nair, leader of the National Trades Union Congress and later President of Singapore, was one of my role models and idols then. He had encouraged me as a union leader by helping to open up and broaden my mind.

In one of our several intimate conversations he challenged me to join the PAP. Later, someone suggested I joined an opposition party. But partisan politics was not my cup of tea, more so as I was mindful of the dangerous waters I would be plunging into. I also had little desire for such public prominence.

Also, and alas, any zeal for committing further to community or national leadership was quickly doused by a series of factors: one was my loss of faith in the Straits Times Group as an honest news organization. Mr Lee Kuan Yew helped put paid to it by his public parading and glorification of people who were steeped in scholarship, and humiliation of those who were not.

MM Lee, in searching for a second and then third generation of leaders, started looking for them first in academia (we know how it failed) and then to those who were government scholars.

At the same time we saw the hasty and, perhaps, premature retirement of our earlier PAP political leaders who had fire in their bellies but no multiple mortar boards on their head.

The harsh treatment of those with dissenting views, and slapping down of those brazen enough to join battle with the PAP and MM Lee at the hustings, quickly scared off those who thought they had something to offer to the country, but not necessarily as part of the PAP political apparatus.

Those with divergent, though not necessarily subversive, views were unmercifully smacked down. Others, seduced by the comforts and affluence their talents and training earned them in a prospering society (feed them so well they will never rebel), soon lost their idealism and passion for political sacrifice. It made political engagement not only a perilous pursuit but a wanton risk of losing all they had amassed materially, plus their personal freedom.

A PAP apologist recently condemned me for criticizing the incredible pay hikes for our cabinet leaders that has no precedent or matching model anywhere in the world.

“You can only criticize, but what’s your solution?”

I believe I have something by way of solution, or at least an alternative view to what Mr Lee Kuan Yew insists is the only way to attract and nurture the right political leaders:

-Look for our future leaders not just among our scholastically successful Singaporeans; academic excellence does not equate with effective leadership. This quality might even disqualify a person from leadership.

-Look for people with a good and stout heart, undying love for Singapore and his/her fellowmen, and a burning desire to serve even at huge personal sacrifice – people with compassion, fire in their belly, grit in their gut, and steel in their back.

-Look for those who possess and exhibit the many other qualities of leadership. A yen for scholarship (at government’s expense) alone is a poor prerequisite of leadership. Encouraging scholarship of our bright students through the lure of career and financial success could produce either more scholarship bond breakers or those who will work only for lucre (for those are the values you promote).

-If you encourage our government scholars to cherish high income, in a society exhorted to worship financial success, you will have to pay big bucks to get them to join your PAP ministerial ranks – definitely not the people you need or want to lead our country and inspire our countrymen.

-Rethink government policy, enunciated by MM Lee Kuan Yew, of encouraging potential leaders to chart their paths through the Armed Forces (with an SAF scholarship), then a stint in the civil service, a short spell in the private sector, and then to the PAP cabinet. You produce less open minded people who might possess a one-dimensional perspective of the world, a common mind set. Such a policy deprives you the services and creativity swimming so abundantly in the vast reservoir of talents out there in the real world. The military promotes obedience, viz. “Charge of the Light Brigade”. You could end up with people paid well enough and sufficiently smart either to not charge with you – or charge blindly even when good sense tells them they should not.

-By all means encourage elitism but do not ridicule those who have interests and talents that are not skewed towards pursuit of a PhD. I cite one example of how MM Lee a few elections ago disparagingly compared the not as impressive academic achievements of our loyal opposition member, Mr Chiam See Tong, to those of his bright young submissive scholars.

-Do not intimidate or beat down all dissenters or those with alternative views, but judge them on their integrity, and do not swamp and swallow up those with potential for leadership into the PAP and high ministerial salaries. You end up with many ‘yes’ men.

-Open up the minds of Singaporeans by not controlling so rigidly the flow of information about their own country, whatever its flaws and foibles.

-Put in place committed, honest, mature and trained journalists over your mass media organizations, people with a feel for the ground and popular feeling, people trained in journalism (not just in academia) and bold enough to launch investigative journalistic enquiry that aid thinking and intelligent decision making by Singapore’s people. If you find them do not stifle them. NOTE: such control of the press deprives you of an essential source of accurate feedback, and surrounds you with sycophantic counsel akin to that of the king with no clothes. The current mass media situation has encouraged a flourishing of emailing and postings on cyber space; they contain useful information as well as misinformation and disinformation, including ranting by irresponsible people.

-Let MM Lee’s quest for self-renewal verily proceed. He should let the people he personally chose or vetted, take over fully. Let them err, let them rule (when is the appropriate time for this to happen?). MM Lee did not have a mentor to minister to him and his colleagues in the tumultuous days of pre- and early post-independence – and did not flounder.

I am no political scientist, nor your scholastic type. But I have not been disabled from seeing another view to tackling our problem: there is no lack of leaders, only a lack of desire. Perhaps, there is a hesitation prompted by what is called fear.

We, in our immensely successful Singapore, owe much to MM Lee and his colleagues. There are many Singaporeans who want to cherish his legacy.

If the current controversy fuels more of the dangerous and divergent views and anti-government sentiments (even hatred) that have surfaced among our Singapore population, our remarkable success as a country could prove ephemeral. Singapore, especially with the Government’s now liberal approach to matters of morality, could be another sad story of the decline and fall of a fledgling civilization. If that happens, we would, as the late Mr G G Thompson, director of the Singapore Political Study Centre once said, cause merely a small yawn in the world. We need not let that happen.

That was so well written. And really long, so I bet you didn't read it. Even though it was written in 2007 before the MPs' pay rise (really, 2 million a year? Wow), he still raises several good points about the system. It definitely takes more (uh, guts? I wouldn't say guts because it takes guts to join PAP too, only you get more money. Sacrifice? That depends, because you have to sacrifice to work in whatever party you join, I think), uh, something, to join the opposition, because you earn probably peanuts and you have to face MPs who claim the opposition wants to "destroy" everything the PAP has built up these years. Honestly, that was what a PAP person said in his short speech during the nomination speech-giving thing. Sure, its probably a heat of the moment rhetoric, and you can't say the oppositions don't use such rhetoric, but really, "destroy"? As an incredibly anal person (about the use of language) I find the use of that word extreme and completely uncalled for. Any opposition to the ruling party means destruction? Does that mean you won't even allow any voice of dissent, because any change would be destructive? Do you even want Singapore to develop into a country with real democracy and citizens capable of thinking for themselves?

Admittedly I still find the opposition supporters' booing and jeering incredibly juvenile and puerile, but maybe that's the only voice they have because of the stunted growth they have experienced so far. They really do have to shout to be heard, and sometimes people can mistake shouting loudly about nothing for sending meaningful messages.

Oh wow I really should stop reading the political commentary people post on Facebook.

In other news, I was so bored today that I watched Tangled online just now. It was pretty awesome. I'm a sucker for Disney movies actually.

By the way, the news about the man who was arrested for posting on a forum about how he wanted to set fire to his voting slips? He probably wasn't ever going to act on it, but according to the Penal Code, a person who:

(b) makes or communicates any electronic record,

containing any incitement to violence or counselling disobedience to the law or to any lawful order of a public servant or likely to lead to any breach of the peace shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 5 years, or with fine, or with both.

Yikes. I was googling whether the intent to take an illegal action is illegal in itself, and apparently, yes it is. This arrest isn't probably so much an exemplification of this code, but rather an act of deterrence to scare anyone who may have more than mere intent at disrupting the voting process. If you look at the definition of incite, which actually includes elements of persuasion/encouragement/stirring up, I don't think the code quite fits into what he did according to the article (posting about wanting to set fire to his voting slip, and, uh, also showing signs of wanting to hurt important people), but that's just me, y'know, being all anal. Apparently the crime was not the intent, but the encouragement of such acts of "violence", even though they never did quite explicitly explain how his postings stirred up/encouraged/incited any possibility of violence or breach of peace.

Besides, the code is so full of 'or's and lack clear levels that I can't quite decipher it. Why don't they use coding notation?

Anyone who:

(b) makes or communicates any electronic record,

{
if(containing
((any incitement to violence) || (counselling disobedience ((to the law) || (to any lawful order of a public servant))) || (likely to lead to any breach of the peace))
{
punished with((imprisonment for a term which may extend to 5 years) || (fine) || (imprisonment for a term which may extend to 5 years && fine))
}
return;
}

There, fixed.

Yes, I am really bored. It's the weather I tell you!

Dance dance dance till you're dead

2011-04-25T22:22:00.003+08:00

I was listening to Yeah Yeah Yeah's Heads Will Roll (which, like any pop culture-fed person, I only knew from Glee. The song, not the band). There's something about dancing till you're dead that's very alluring, isn't there?

The (stereotypically) absent-minded literature prof hasn't got back to me about collecting the recommendation letter. He's nice and all, but really. >:\

Why am I blogging? I don't know. It's too early to sleep and I don't really have anything else to prepare for tomorrow's exam. That's one of the best things about literature modules, I guess. And the fact that many of the professors like the word "complicity", and "multiplicity". Really, when I was a freshie and taking the introduction literature module, I didn't quite get how to write an essay yet, so I got a C+ (WTF RIGHT) for a 35% essay. Luckily, something just struck me on the exam day and I managed to pull a B+ out of my ass.

The best sort of playlist for studying is one filled with mindless dance tracks. There's something stimulating about the synth beats and autotuned voices, I must say.

2011-04-25T21:26:00.004+08:00

I wanted to finish Robinson Crusoe today. Instead, I was on the internets for three hours and then I went to sleep for another three hours.

Hopefully I won't be forced to do an essay on the text tomorrow. I mean I know the basics since I read half of it, and can confidently comment on the tone and the overall nothingness of the novel. I cannot, however, intelligently discuss anything which occurs after 8 years on the island. Apparently he goes on to have adventures with cannibals and swashbuckling pirates. He could have been abducted by intelligent aliens for all I know.

Wish I were driven. I mean I do get periods of motivation (usually in the guise of looming deadlines), which is when I come up with relatively good essays, but in the state of catatonic inertia I usually exist I'm simply not motivated to do anything. Maybe I should get a lobotomy or something.

Source: Internets

Three blog posts in a day and a picture of an awesome dog in shades? You are aware that your life is now made.

Sometimes I go out by myself

2011-04-25T12:23:00.003+08:00

Movies to watch after the exams:
First fifteen minutes of Coraline
I Love You, Man
Tangled
The Social Network
Dinner for Schmucks

Please don't judge me, I really haven't had much of a life this semester. Is it bad that I have an exam tomorrow and I have this urge to go shopping today?

Buttons

2011-04-25T12:16:00.001+08:00

I watched Coraline yesterday, minus the first fifteen minutes. I wonder if she would have stayed in the other world if she didn't have to sew buttons onto her face.

You can't believe everything that you breathe

2011-04-22T21:39:00.009+08:00

I swear, my sister is trying to kill me with her baking experiments. Yesterday, she brought home some chocolate truffles, a clafoutis-minus-the-mascarpone (which had a weird kueh texture), a chocolate lave cake without the lave (so basically a brownie). And you know how crazed amateur bakers force people to eat their baked items? Yeah. Okay so the truffles weren't bad, there's still some in the fridge, tell me if you want them.

Today, she brought home fried peanut butter and fried Nutella (and some fried batter for good measure), bread she and her friends baked, bread pudding, and this liquid lumpy mess she said was strawberry soufflé. I almost died eating the fried peanut butter, because peanut butter and bread is great, but balls of peanut butter in fried batter? O: And I haven't tried the "soufflé" because it's a pink liquid mash in a container. I put it in the fridge and promised her I'd try it some other day when it solidifies.

I mean I'm as encouraging as a sister gets, but I have my limits.

But at least I'm not eating this:

I just spent some time watching their epic meal videos. And this was already one of the better ones.

As you can see I'm not even attempting to study for the programming module already. I knows a lost cause when I sees'em. At least tomorrow will be the last time I ever burn my brains thinking about printf and scanf and strings and fucking functions. You gotta be thankful for these small mercies.

And I was just googling for the definition of Fascism, because I only have a fuzzy concept of what it really is. So point is, the second result which came up was a blog post on the Fascism in Singapore. Okay I realise it was a result from Google Singapore (which I almost never use, because I prefer global results). The post was written in 2006, but people are still commenting on it this year. I guess that's what you get for coming up no. 2 on Google.

I was trying to link that find with the upcoming General Elections, which I can't vote in by the way, since my birthday is in December. Well. I would usually be the last person to care about Singapore politics, because I'm too self-absorbed and obsessed with Pokémon (you know it!), but this year I've been reading the papers about all the opposition parties and their manifestos. Most of them are concerned about the foreign workers/housing costs/public transport being overcrowded, and some of them have these cute little ideas that they can bring about some change. I don't know, but I don't think I have that much faith in any party, opposition or otherwise.

I'm a sucker for being cynical, and from Tin Pei Ling to Nicole Seah (whom some have been raving about), I don't think there will be too radical a change in the way things are; we're still going to go on in our daily grind, living unchallenged, unfulfilling (apparently this isn't a real word) lives. Isn't it great to be living in a consumerist society?

Actually I don't agree with some extremist points of view the Fascist-Singapore dude makes. Sometimes he lists statistics and expects us to swallow it whole because it seems logical, for example how Singapore has Draconian laws for violent crime but we still somehow have a crime rate "far higher" than Japan's. The basic flaw here is comparing Japan to Singapore, because culturally we are worlds apart from them, and making these sort of biased comparisons isn't going to propel the argument very far (GP101). And what crimes are you comparing? Petty crime? Murders? Abuse? If you're going to make an argument, don't be all waffly about it, please.

And then he says, "Singapore’s per capita military spending is second only to Israel’s, even though Singapore is not at war nor will it ever be", which, ignoring the second part of the statement, would make a pretty strong statement to support a coherent argument. Too bad he had to spoil it with the "nor will it ever be" part, because you can't just make sweeping statements like that without an proof to back it up, it's just weak.

He then goes on to qualify how Singapore is a "backward fascist state": we are backward and fascist because our union(s) cannot strike, the poor don't share in economic growth, and we don't have social security system. I agree with his premise, but not his overall argument that we are backward and fascist. We do have basic things like education, access to the Internet (LOLcats!), chances to form our own opinions (despite what he thinks) and opportunities to air them (just not in the form of strikes, or anything racist, or anything which is anti-establishment, or, wait, what was my point again? Right, I agree, we are controlled firmly by the government and we lack overt channels of expression (I mean where we can speak to EVERYONE, not on some small forum in some corner of the internetz), there's censorship everywhere, the people are content with their lot and most are apathetic (as am I usually), and sometimes the excuses of stability and utility overrule concerns of the little people. I also agree with his points about the rising inequality and the opinion that the poor aren't really given much help (other than the some small monetary help, and the promise of egalitarianism).

But isn't there always a trade-off? Stability as opposed to constant strife, lack of social security versus disgruntled tax-payers who look upon the poor with disdain, freedom of speech and the encroachment upon other freedoms (racism/sexism/the -isms), Union power and productivity (I mean I'm the last person to speak up for productivity, since I'm such a slacker, but you really don't want to live in a county like France, where apparently the train stations and the aviation industry have to put up with frequent strikes and inconveniences, do you?). And who's to judge which side of the coin is better? And despite all these differences, aren't people all caught up in similar mundane struggles of live? Trying to make ends meet, trying not to die, trying to find something more in life? Who are you to label a system "fascist"?

Okay honestly I'm just offended by that term, because it suggests we are mindless sheep who do not even know we are thus controlled. I know I haven't seen much of the world around me, and I don't have the most sophisticated political arguments, but from what I see and hear we really do have a voice, and some really do have things to say. But other than that he does make some very good points about the state of Singapore, even though the post was written some 5 years ago or so.

In other news, my sister keeps telling me stuff about Bieber. I don't really fucking give a damn about him and his daily increase of 12500 new followers. I don't think she really adores him, but apparently she knows all of his songs (one song is one song too many for me). Ugh. You see what I mean? People are so caught up in the trivial! If you're not struggling to survive because you're the poorest of the poor, you're struggling to pay your bills, and in the meantime while you have some leisure time to focus on other things you get caught up in things like Justin Bieber, and Kim-famous-for-being-famous-Kardashian. I swear I despise her even more than Bieber, because at least he can hold a tune, while she's just famous for a sex-tape. The fuck is wrong with the world? I mean, sure, nothing's wrong with some entertainment, but when people get caught up with the media circus and all those meaningless things, I can't help but sink into the postmodern dump. Who cares about government and change? Just give me sufficient amounts of money to live and reality TV, and I'm content.

I think I'm so angsty because of the computing exam tomorrow. I'm so bad at it. I know I can S/U it, but it sucks to suck at something so badly. Eh, maybe I just need to get ~~laid~~ a life. Nothing takes away angst like good-'ol life, with all its funnies and semblance of having something to do. Takes your mind off of the meaninglessness of everything. What the hell is wrong with me? That was such a long post ranting about the state of the country. Since when did I give a damn?

I kissed a girl and I liked it

2011-04-21T22:10:00.002+08:00

Inappropriate things to write in a paper discussing a lesbian writer #1:
"David Lodge adeptly fingered a key element in... ..."

Don't, it's just wrong.

About to blo-o-o-o-oow

2011-04-18T15:22:00.003+08:00

Still trying to find some inspiration for an essay topic. I was thinking of doing one on the fairy tale/mythical elements of Yeats' poetry and another text we did, but I can't think of anything good just yet. The thing about poems is that sometimes when you're in the mood it becomes really poignant and meaningful, but at other times they just seem pretentious and over-dramatic.

Anyway. Summer's almost here! You can feel it in the air, mostly due to the fact that the temperatures are slowly raising from "nice, cooling other-country-ish spring" to "I WILL FUCKING BURN YOU ALIVE summer". Swell. Lately I've been digging espadrilles! Must be all the summer heat turning my brain to mush. It's not that bad today, the sky is still quite downcast. Hopefully this translates into showers.

Why am I discussing weather? I should be doing something productive. I want to go shopping.

Gotta catch'em all! (Part 3)

2011-04-18T15:12:00.002+08:00

And in other news, I now have four flippin' Cascoon. The Wurmple I took the pains to hatch evolved into one. Looks like I'm doomed to never have a Beautifly. Woe is me.

I'll take it as a sign that I should start revising for the programming test; maybe I'll get a Silcoon after the finals.

A loser like me

2011-04-18T15:06:00.002+08:00

I've finally accepted the SEP offer. Sadly, Monsieur Camembert hasn't replied me about the letter of recommendation >:|

Maybe I should write to my other literature prof, who thought my essay was a "pleasure to read". I don't know about you, but I like it when people enjoy reading things I write. It's probably a symptom of some underlying narcissism. However I'm a bit intimidated by her, because she's has this formidable air about her, and she's really sarcastic and sharp-tongued.

I think I should take a short nap, then print out the critical readings I downloaded to try to come up with a topic for the essay I'm supposed to be starting on. You can't think with a tired brain, people! Maybe I should just answer one of the questions the prof set instead of thinking of my own, but then again, where's the fun in that, huh?

I want to watch Glee.

Somewhere, beyond the sea

2011-04-16T14:48:00.002+08:00

As most of you know (because the readers of my blog consist only of the few of you) I've been offered to go on SEP. I haven't technically accepted the offer yet, because the past few days had me wavering and because the University is a douchebag, money-grubber of an organisation if we withdraw we have to pay three-flippin'-hundred dollars and I didn't want to make a snap decision based on my mood swings.

But in the end I've decided to take up the challenge of getting everything done by the 3rd of May (which, coincidentally, is the last day of my Exams), including the teacher's recommendation letters, the bank statements and stuff, all the while juggling the CS1010 death-row mugging, reading the texts I haven't finished (about 5 half-read texts) and finishing/starting on the essay for one of my literature modules. Luckily that's only 1500-1800 words.

So long story short, I was going to go onto OPAS (some cocked-up site which probably loves being run on IE5) to accept my offer, because the deadline is the 20th of April and despite my penchant for doing things at the last minute I really didn't want to screw this up. But guess what? Apparently I'm "not authorised" to log into it. Fuck that shit, I so am authorised. I emailed the SEP person about how OPAS was being a total ass, but she hasn't replied me yet.

I'm not freaking out yet, I still have like, 4 days. OH GOD. It's like the Universe is conspiring against me or something, but of course not, why would the Universe care about that? I mean, if the Universe even has sentience.

By the way, I apparently applied to McGill University in Montreal. And Choo, no matter what, living in Canada is cheaper than living in Europe. You can't deny that. And I've never been to America (the continent). Even though Canada is often the laughingstock of sitcoms ("Eh?") and I don't know anyone else who's going to the same University as I am (yet). I lost my point. Anyway I was a total geek, I checked University rankings when I applied for SEP (even though I'm a well-known slacker), and only applied to McGill because it was ranked 19 in the world. I really wanted to apply to Paris-Sorbonne, but they required applicants to speak good French and I'm afraid mine is totally abysmal.

Moving on, my lit prof is so nice! I emailed him only last night and he has already replied that he'll help me write the letter of recommendation. Now I just need to accept the bloody offer. But I can't. Because OPAS' an asshole.

On the other Monsieur Camembert, my French lecturer, hasn't replied me yet. I don't know if he understood the email because I've always had my doubts about his English standards (as does nettygal), even though he does seem to grasp Singlish quite well.

But enough about SEP and what troubles I have. What troubles do you have? Yeah I don't care. O: Kidding. If you're feeling really stressed out over term papers and exams (I'm not that stressed out yet. I still have a week), here's something freaking hilarious, in case you haven't seen it.

Right so now I've got to dig through my stuff to find my A-level certificate, because apparently they need us to hand it in. As if they don't already have it when we were applying to the University after the A-levels. Je suis très paresseuse. Je veux dormir tout le temps, tous les jours.

Gotta catch'em all! (Part 2)

2011-04-14T01:06:00.005+08:00

I want both a Beautifly and a Dustox, so I caught two Wurmples (which serendipitously turned out to be a male and a female one). I'm not sure what are the conditions to get Silcoon/Cascoon, but I assumed it was the gender.

It's not.

Then I thought maybe it was the time of the day.

It's not that too.

So now I have two Dustox(es?), three Cascoons, and no sign of a single freaking Silcoon. Something is horribly wrong. So I left two of the Cascoons of different genders at the daycare to try my luck with a Wurmple baby.

Why would anyone need two Dustox and three Cascoons? Ugh.

I can't get much wronger

2011-04-08T18:16:00.009+08:00

I realise I've been MIA for almost a month now, not counting the short post about my mucus-filled nose. There's a computing practical exam tomorrow but I'm not in the mood to rifle through the several pages of lectures which I missed (or skipped, what's the difference?) now. And of course, when you're looking for a source of procrastination, you either blog or go to sleep. So I'm blogging.

I just completed the Student Feedback on the lecturers and TAs, and I realise I give rather iffy comments, like "he is also somewhat humorous". I'm sure the TA wouldn't be too pleased to hear that he isn't definitely humorous, only "somewhat" so.

I can't wait for this semester to be over. I've been absolutely unenthusiastic about anything this semester, and I've skipped more than my fair share of lectures. I've tallied it all, and I've skipped at least 18 lectures this semester. Of course this includes Understanding the Universe, which I haven't gone for in weeks. I don't know, there's something about a bad English accent and the journey to Science which totally puts me off. I thought I would be really enthused about this module, but in the end the lecture's just kinda dry and unappetizing, like the economical rice from opposite my house. Come on, Jupiter has a red storm which has been raging for hundreds of years and it's two or three times the size of Earth! That's ~~fucking~~ super interesting. You don't make that sound like dry wheat on skimmed milk; you make it sound like, well, a hundred-year-old (at least) storm three times larger than Earth. Okay honestly she isn't that bad, I guess I'm just disappointed that the module wasn't taught by a lecturer who had as much enthusiasm as I had when I was young and reading books about planets. An überlecturer, if there's such a thing.

That's an Infra-red view of Jupiter from NASA. Doesn't it look like some crazy surrealist painting? Doesn't it make you wonder at the Universe and all its mysteries and realise how small and trivial you are compared to the expanding Universe? I want a lecturer who's passionate about what she's teaching, damn it.

And that's the Horsehead Nebula, which is probably the most beautiful thing ever. When I saw it in the kiddie science book about space (and dinosaurs, and everything awesome in this Universe of ours) I was totally enamoured of it, like this beautiful mysterious dark place where stars are born. Is anything more poignant and transcendent than that? Of course when I was young I didn't even know the words "poignant" and "transcendent", but you just have this feeling in your gut that it is far greater than anything we'll ever create or be.

I guess one of the reasons I'm so repelled by the lecture is that I don't want that sense of wonder I had in my childhood to be compromised by attending something so insignificant and mundane as a lecture. Some things are meant to be kept sacred and unspoiled in your heart, even if you turn into a cynical, spoiled (as opposed to unspoiled, not in the sense of being spoiled rotten by parents) and sarcastic person later on.

Or I'm just a lazy bum who's rationalising her actions, it can go either way.

And speaking of sacred childhood impressions, I shall make a not too subtle switch in topics to that of Disney movies. Before you learn about how Disney is merely a money-making, Western-imperialist corporation, and how Disney movies sometimes go along with sexist stereotypes (they don't burn their bras! And they end up married! The nerve!), Disney is something magical and happy, filled with talking animals and singing princesses. I guess somewhere in our psyche that still remains, because you want it to remain that way.

Anyway I'm talking about choir now, in case that primer did not explicitly state that. Before my case of the sniffles turned into a full-blown flu, I was spending a Sunday in school with the new choir committee (ugh, committees) because we were supposed to sing in accompaniment to the guitar ensemble. Basically we only had less than 10 bars in the whole 15-minute long piece, so we had a lot of time to kill in the waiting room. Then someone started playing Disney songs and before we knew it we were singing along for hours to Disney tunes. I guess somewhere deep inside every single person is a kid waiting to burst out, because nobody really likes growing up.

And, well, I guess hanging out with people you don't really know isn't that tragically bad after all. It's just marginally bad when you don't have the comfort of Disney songs, but they're really all right. I'm just a tad melodramatic (a tad? HAHA).

Oh there is one lesson I enjoy, and that's French. Probably because it's the only module where I don't really have to wrack my brains to understand (scoring in tests is another thing), and when we make mistakes and the sentences somehow end up silly and wrong it's really funny. And it's always fun to observe (Monsieur? Prof? Professeur?) Yannick and his interesting shirts.

Now that I'm majoring in literature the modules are just pretty much "eh", without the uncertainty and anticipation of whether I'd be switching majors or not. When you have things planned out you lose the feeling of adventure, I think. And of course, that feeling of adventure is very much alive in the computing module, or as I like to call it, the bane of my life.

Aside from not knowing how to even begin tackling the problems the Prof. sets, and the fact that I'm on the path of S/U for this module, it's actually very exciting, since you're always learning new things (and according to Xumei every time she looks through the lecture notes she learns something new. I don't know how that happens, but okay) and ways to code, and since I'm alien to the land of coding it's all uncertainty and ~~anticipation~~ dread.

It doesn't help that the class is filled with un-noob coders who know how to code. Usually Xumei and I will struggle in the tutorials while the others (not counting one who recently transferred from Engineering, and another girl who's just a noobish as we are) code like pros. This semester has been an eye-opener for me because I've never felt as if I'm the stupidest person in class before, and now I have. This is exacerbated by the fact that the TA is a U08XXXXXX (I don't know the numbers) student, which means he's either a year older, the same age as us, or younger (because he's not local, and somehow they're freaking smarter than us idiots at home, and thus enter U earlier). It's like being taught coding by a younger sibling and not understanding it.

Ugh. Stupid. And the thing is, after you understand, you've still got to be able to apply it to problems. O: The TA is usually very patient with us idiots (especially to Xumei, who claims that he has a crush on her. Maybe he does, he's very friendly towards her and stuff), but you still can't shake off the feeling of unease, like he really thinks you're inept. There was this one lesson where we were sitting in the front row (I don't normally sit in front during lessons because, y'know, I'm a slacker-back-row type) and there was this question about, um, something. So anyway somehow I must have affected a quizzical look on my face, because without any prompting he set out to explain the entire thing s-t-e-p-b-y-s-t-e-p again, effectively holding back the class for a good 5 minutes or so. Maybe I should train to keep a better poker face from now on, because apparently my current one looks like I'm actually deep in thought or unsure about something. I digress, as I was saying, he launched into a loooong, patient explanation about the solution and why it worked, and while explaining he kept staring at me as if in search of some sign of understanding (or consciousness, I don't know), and all the while I'm thinking, "Whoa, dude, I kinda somewhat get it, do I really look that puzzled? Darn it I need to have a better poker face", and I just kept nodding, because, y'know, I'm supposed to understand it.

Tl;dr it's very unnerving to be stared at and I think the TA thinks I'm woefully inept at coding, which I ~~probably~~ am.

And in the subsequent tutorials I kept trying to achieve my perfect poker face so as not to display a single sign of not understanding (even though I usually don't understand), and avert my eyes (Oh no he's looking in our direction! Pretend to look at your paper!) in case the TA thinks that I'm trying to telepathically convey my not understanding of the C programming language. I think the fault lies with the fact that I usually don't ask questions in class- because I coerce Xumei into asking them. I mean, he fancies her, right? Just being a good friend- so he thinks I really don't understand anything enough to even formulate questions.

Anyway, in case you skipped those chunks, it's pretty much about how bad I am at coding.

An adventure! Une aventure!

Ben...Je dois commencer à réviser pour le test.

But on the bright side, it's only 10%. Seulement dix pour cent.

Au revoir!

My neighbours think I'm crazy

2011-04-05T01:34:00.001+08:00

Right now I have two wads of toilet paper stuck up my nose, because my nose is running uncontrollably and I've run out of soft facial tissues.

I can't blog because the flu medicine I just took is making my really drowsy and groggy. Like. What's happening? Ugh.

Is your punchline just a joke?

2011-03-15T22:27:00.005+08:00

Four more days to the choir concert, and relative freedom! No more reaching home at 12 and finding the house almost totally dark - one of my mother's ~~crazy~~ attempts to save money, by not turning on any lights at all. On normal days people standing outside the house would think we were having an isolated case of blackout.

Anyway, remember Konapun?

Yeah they're selling it them Singapore! But I think they've already sold out. Long story short, my sister bought some home, and we spent the last hour making tempura, rice and omelettes. You know how Konapun Girl does everything so calmly and neatly? It's a lie! Everything sticks to your fingers (if you're stupid enough to try kneading the stuff with your bare hands) and things get really messy after you cook more than one dish. But it's fun though, if you ever liked playing with Play-doh when you were a kid (and maybe if your parents never let you mix the colours because it's wasteful to do so, so you ended up with food in primary colours, and boring ice-cream cones), or like miniature things because they make you feel like a giant.

Yes, I know I'm 20 already.

And it's even more wasteful than Play-doh because it rots, because apparently the substance is organic and biodegradable. In essence it's probably like throwing money down the trash can, but you get to have fun with fake foods.

I mean come on, it's made me forget about all the emo-momo stuff from yesterday. And the fact that I'm facing quite a number of deadlines. And playing with fake inedible food will actually curb your appetite, which would be good when you're trying to save money on food. I want to buy the new game! I know, I know, I'm still getting an allowance like a loser (._.) but I've still got to save money to get stuff like that, because transport costs are freaking high ($40 per fortnight, not even trying to be funny) and somehow I manage to spend as much as I'm given. Sometimes I just donate money to those poor flag day people and buy supper for my sister and before you know it your money's gone and you're budgeting for a deficit.

Maybe I should stop spending my breaks at the Grinning Gecko (overpriced cafe in NUS which serves nasty food and okay coffee/cakes). It's just that my breaks coincide with the time when The Deck is crowded as hell and the Gecko is just right there, you don't even have to walk much to get there and no one goes there because, as mentioned, the food is nasty. Today I ordered this $3.50 pasta. The picture depicted an awesome looking pasta dish covered with bacon slices. I haven't had bacon in a long time, and hey, $3.50 for a bacon pasta, should be awesome right? But nooooo the bacon is a lie! Instead they serve these pieces of spam-coloured, pathetically thin ham posing as bacon. Bacon wannabes! I see through your act. And the pasta was just eh.

No more Grinning Gecko. From now on I'm becoming a save-a-holic and during the holidays I'll work my ass off (hurhur. Right) to earn my keep. I mean, if choir doesn't keep my occupied too much. O:

The dude who's supposed to present for literature tutorial tomorrow hasn't sent us his presentation outline. Someone's gonna get his ass kicked by the lecturer.

Meanwhile I'm going to pack my bag. And here's a protip from a slacker: If you want to be punctual you should pack your bag the night before, because trust me, nothing's more torturous than packing it in the morning when you're all groggy and just want to go back to bed. And pick out your clothes the night before so you don't have to fuss over what to wear to not look like you dressed in the dark.

Maybe I should give GP tuition.

H

A

H

A

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Say goodbye to my heart tonight

2011-03-15T02:03:00.004+08:00

Okay, so Choo's premise is that all good friendships start with awkward silences. I cannot argue against that point of view, damn. But everything's easier when you already have a group of friends to begin with. All right, sure, you enter Secondary school with nary a friend in sight (unless you're from a top Primary school), but so do many other people. When people are lonely and young they tend to make friends easily (an assumption. Don't kick my ass). But when you're older (old)you just can't be bothered to go through the works of making friends that way anymore. Furthermore the time you spend together is restricted to the length of the lessons you have together and if after the semester you don't have any more modules with this said person it's highly unlikely that you'll become very good friends. Unless you go home together frequently, which could go either way.

I haven't actually made any friends in NUS whom I think I would go the distance with (by which I mean the figurative distance of, uh, life) because I don't spend enough time with people to make such connections. Nor do I cultivate/keep up with the friendships by going for outings and whatever crappy bonding events there are. I just can't be bothered.

And guess what? I'm really okay with that. I'm like being alone because it gives me space to think and be silent. Which is why I'm actually dreading tomorrow's project group meeting. Three year threes who know each other and moi. Sounds like happy funtime. I wish I had a naturally sunny disposition and inbuilt friendliness. But noooo all I have is a sullen face and a penchant for dramatising everything into tragedies. And then blogging about them and quoting song lyrics into the post titles. Alas, poor Yorick!

I need to sleep. Fo'real.

I'm thinking what the hell

2011-03-15T00:58:00.006+08:00

You know how Bilbo feels like he's butter spread over too many slices of bread on his eleventy-first birthday? That's pretty much how I feel, even though I don't have the burden of the Ring of Power on me.

I never belonged to the cool bunch of people in school, and I don't think I will ever fall into the category of "cool" in any setting I'm under, because honestly I'm rather awkward and uncompromisingly quiet unless somehow I'm interested in the things you do or say. I'm also rather aloof and unfriendly (dao, in other words), and nothing can ever change that. Is it any surprise that I'm not included in the mainstream, popular bunch of people with their multitudes of friends and Facebook friends?

But aside from that slightly self-pitying topic of not being cool, I rather like being uncool and uninvited and not included in general. It's an exclusive club, the proverbial other. I guess I've never really wanted to be on the other greener(?) side of all things cool and popular because ~~I don't particularly like the colour green~~ I don't see the point in it, with all the little social protocols and propriety in social situations/events and whatnot. Every Thursday during one my literature lectures my friend from another literature lecture would seat next to me and then his friend would seat beside him and her friend who's also his friend would seat beside her and I don't know any of them, so long story short, I'd like to tell him that he really doesn't have to seat beside me as convention dictates and that I'm really perfectly fine sitting alone (I like sitting alone. You don't have to think of things to say to fill the uncomfortable silences, because you only have comfortable silences with people you're chummy with). But I didn't actually say that, because it's just a lecture and I'm actually not that socially inept yet. I mean sure, it feels weird sitting in close proximity to people you barely know/don't know at all (as with the case of Linette's Clingy, who sat with her when she sat with me during a lecture two semesters ago) but it's not that bad yet.

But on the other hand, I'm really horrible at being, you know, a sociable human because when I see someone I'm not that familiar with on 95/96 I'd pretend not to see said person, and to avoid taking the same train as said hypothetical person I'd scoot into Cheers in an attempt to avoid having to make awkward small talk to anybody. Honestly, what if the person stays in Pasir Ris? I'd have to endure the entire journey making cringe-worthy small talk and I don't know about you but when I've just undergone an excruciatingly awkward experience somehow my brain catches hold of that moment in time and makes me relive it by playing it over and over again in my mind and I'd analyse what I did wrong and what I should have done and what witty thing I should have said then.

Which is why, point blank, I am unsociable and uncool. And if somehow you're a good friend of mine you probably are uncool to some extent too, at least by the definitions of society, but in my eyes you're incredibly awesome.

Shit I think I sound really crazy and inept. But then again, I probably am. Who fusses about human interaction like that? O: I probably need some sleep.

The world is quiet

2011-03-14T00:41:00.007+08:00

I don't like the word quirky, because it's one of the most overused words today. You get people with a "quirky" sense of style, mostly describing people wearing hipster-glasses and clashing colours, a "quirky" sense of humour (uh what the hell does that even mean?), and even a "quirky" personality. How does one have a quirky personality? Since when did "quirky" become an inherently positive term? You could have a penchant for eating the offals of dogs you just slaughtered for breakfast and still call yourself quirky, because hey, eating dog innards is a rather quirky thing, no?

According to google (define function) quirky means: "far-out: informal terms; strikingly unconventional". I don't think dressing according to what everyone thinks is quirky today actually qualifies as quirky. Everyone's wearing those "quirky" dresses and those "quirky" glasses and wearing those "quirky" socks with "quirky" shoes. You're not quirky. I mean, Lady Gaga is quirky with her evil looking shoulders and meat dress; you're just, well, not.

But then again, words are arbitrary, so who cares what I think, who cares what anyone thinks? Nothing has meaning and every thing is transient, right? But now that I think about it I don't really buy into everything postmodernists sell. Meaninglessness and no absolutes? Isn't this rather dogmatic too? But it's 1 in the morning, don't blame me for not making sense at all. And for using "But" at the start of a sentence (and "And"). What are you, some kinda grammar Nazi?

I hope the people in Japan don't get screwed over so much. Shit happens, and because I live in a Godless world (I mean, from my perspective) I don't think prayers work. Nor do I think Facebook pages calling for support work, because it's Facebook for Chrissakes (arbitrariness aside, nothing quite fits an exclamation like religious terms, right?). The Japanese are incredible though, if I were a country I wouldn't be so efficient as to have my trains up and running the next day after a massive natural disaster. I'd probably be lying on my back bemoaning my fate, but that's just me.

I'm mean at night. Maybe I should just go to bed. Nothing good ever happens at night, and honestly the only really good thing about night time is the smell of night air, which is one of the best smells in the world. Fact. Too bad day time belongs to the realm of book-learnin', which isn't much of a hoot. I'm into Animal by Neon Trees lately. If you look at the lead singer you'd find that he has douchey "quirky" hair and their entire video reeks of trying to be "quirky", but hey, the song's not too shabby, so I'd forgive their quirkitis.

I'm watching Rugrats at one in the morning. Am I quirky or what?

I wish I believed in something bigger than this wretched (in terms of what most people strive for: money, property and status. Fuck that) life we live. I wish I believe that making wishes worked. I don't. Because they don't. Doesn't everyone want someone totally dependable they can look to when they feel like they have no one in the world? Something greater than humans will ever be, no matter how hard they strive? I wish I believed in a higher being, but I don't believe in wishes, and I don't believe in a higher power who is benign and absolutely good and shiny, because why would he cause so much chaos and pain in this world. As trials? As part of the free will deal? Who does that? Loki maybe, or Eris, but who wants to live in a world controlled by the old gods? They're random and pitiless, and great for RPGs, but no thanks. I sound like some whiny idiot who should count her blessings, but really, why don't I believe in anything?

Curse you, angst. GTFO already.

We were already bored

2011-03-08T20:27:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be reading Tristram Shandy, which has a total of 9 volumes and 539 pages. I'm on page 26 now. You can see how I'm rather behind on everything, since the only book I've finished so far is the bawdy Joseph Andrews, whose 300-odd pages pales in comparison. Tristram isn't even born yet.

It's not entirely my fault though. The past weekend was occupied by the computing mid-terms and my maternal grandmother's funeral. I don't know if I've ever told you the complicated backstory involving my mother being the unwanted child of the très riche family with 8 other siblings who apparently scheme and plot more than the average character of 爱. Yes, I know, it's a funeral and I'm supposed to be all proper and sombre, but honestly I don't know her. I'm sure she's a great mother and grandmother to the people around her, but other than 4 word Chinese New Year greetings and mandarin oranges I've never really exchanged anything else of meaning with her. It's a loss, but it's not a loss I can call mine. So I won't pretend I care about the social conventions of appropriate funeral behaviour because I don't really believe in them. It's actually the first time I've been able to attend a funeral with a great degree of emotional detachment, and - take my word for it - funerals are one of the best occasions to do some human study if you want to find some writing material and examples of human absurdity. I don't know if I'm callous or what, but I was apathetic and pretty much just observing people around me.

Besides, my apathy isn't the worst thing, you should have seen the family circus I witnessed during the two days I was at the wake. But first, some background information. You don't watch a drama without basic caricatures of the characters, do you? There's this son, whom the matriarch used to live with in his flat along with her daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Here's the catch, they've gotten a divorce, but are putting up a pretense until her demise. Then there's the side of the family who are pious Christians (no, why are you reading a tone of disdain in that? I meant that in a totally neutral way) who, under the guise of being pious and better-than-thou, flat out refused to pay for the fruit baskets and funeral bands (3 bands, actually. I don't know, if I were the deceased I'd totally be like "Oi, keep the noise down. I'm trying to stay dead here!"), because apparently Christians ~~don't eat fruits because fruits are evil, ala the Original Sin~~ don't do these sort of Taoist things. I don't know, aren't you supposed to love thy neighbour and stuff? Or at least respect your family members enough to be gracious? Then there's my mother and this sister who aren't close to being the favourites of the family, so they behave pretty much like the outcasts of the family, although they're probably not as apathetic as I was, because if they were outcasts my sister and I are probably non-entities.

Those are the basics (believe me when I say that the story is more convoluted than that), so I shall move on. Anyway you can probably tell that the funeral would be a hotpot of long simmering conflicts and emotions boiling over. Whoever came up with the premise of a funeral probably was an anarchist. Or an overly optimistic blighter. Either way, this funeral was probably the most, well, dramatic of any I've been to.

To substantiate that: one of the sisters, who belonged to the pious Christian part of the family, started wailing in front of the casket, which of course pissed one of the non-Christian sons off. He stormed up to her, disgruntled (my mother tried physically barricading him off to no avail) and shouted at her. I was sitting a seat away from the spectacle, and seeing them stirring the shit (pardonnez mon francais) immediately got me scooting to a pillar to be an innocent bystander. He shouted something like "Mother is not God, if you want to do something for her then pay for the costs of the funeral!" (or something along the lines), and she retaliated by shouting something else. This got on for a while until the eldest son, who by the way was adopted, stepped in and chided both of them.

To borrow a popular phrase, shit just got real. You appreciate hackneyed Mediacorp writing more because, y'know, it really happens.

Then there were also the usual fainting daughters and rude men (man, who, together with his three sons, cohabits with the other outcast sister who wasn't in any way related to his three sons) taking videos if the funeral rites with his cell. No joke, we were kneeling and bowing and there he was with his videophone, apparently seeing a funeral rite for the first time in his life. If I lacked propriety this dude was the ~~Chuck Norris~~ Charlie Sheen of funerals.

Oh, and remember how I said there were three bands? They were hired by the brothers, who decided to splurge on the funeral because they were spending money which belonged to the matriarch, which was supposed to be inherited by the daughters. But hey, they weren't female, so they wouldn't get any money if there were any left over after the funeral, would they? But fret not, dear readers, they have already had their fair share of property and company shares, and apparently (according to my mother) some of them have already scammed her of quite an amount while she was alive. Besides the three bands, there were 5 course dinners throughout the wake, which were served to 40 tables - yes, at a funeral. You'd think they were competing to have the most extravagant funeral ever.

After the first night of rites, which lasted hours and concluded with us standing around the scorching inferno of hell notes and a three story paper bungalow (complete with servants and blinking lights) holding hands in a circle, in some sinister parody of a campfire circle, I got the mother of all headaches and was so completely pissed off with most of the people there that I honestly dreaded going there again tomorrow and wear that sweaty funeral wear again. It wasn't the most respectful I've been at a funeral, but this funeral was a microcosm of everything nauseating society is capable of producing - squabbles over money, relations souring over money, the works. I don't know about you, but I'm not the most sociable person in normal circumstances, placing me in this situation is akin to bombarding my social barricades with hails of arrows and ladders (ever seen The Two Towers? Yeah, that) and expecting me to smile. No fucking chance in the world.

But it's all over now, and in retrospect, I pity the matriarch, because in her wake (in both ways) she leaves a trail of broken marriages (true) and uncordial relations, and these things can probably never be healed with all the money and property she has. But heck, it really was pretty amusing to observe people at funerals.

And now I must really read Tristram Shandy. Sorry for all the bad grammar and spelling.

But the tigers come at night

2011-02-23T01:37:00.004+08:00

My sister fell asleep while watching some TV program, so I woke her up because she hadn't brushed her teeth. I then asked her for the remote control, after which she became bat-shit crazy from some dream-induced stupor (okay, not to the extent of bat-shit, but bad enough). The conversation went something like this:

Me: Eh wake up, go brush your teeth, and can pass me the remote?
Her: Hnnngh...
Me: Oi, wake up, pass me the remote.
Her: Remote? Yeah, which chapter?
Me: Huh? What, just pass me the remote.
Her: Yeah! Which book? Which chapter? *something something* test!
Me: Huh, can you just pass me the remote?!!
Her: WHAT CHAPTER?
Me: Chapter 5, just give me the remote! (I was trying not to laugh though. She was genuinely pissed off)

Methinks the lady doth study too much. After a few moments of ruffling around in her bag(?? I wanted the remote, which so wasn't in her bag) she got up and turned the TV off in a pissed off manner, and I watched bemusedly, because, what? D:

Fuck there's still an error in my code! I failed the last two tests the system administered on the function. I passed 10 out of 12 though, so I really don't know what the hell to change.

Well, back to trashing my brains out again.

Our work is never over

2011-02-19T01:47:00.002+08:00

I'm having my C programming practical exams tomorrow, and I guess it's the impending doom or something, but while trying to make out head/tail of the module I've been looping Kanye West's Stronger and Daft Punk's Harder Better Faster Stronger because it makes the tragedy less dramatic.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, no?

What's weird is I don't even like Kanye West.

I never knew Daft Punk was from France until I started taking French in school and the textbook mentioned them (with a picture of the weird robot suits they love). My shoulder is aching, which means I should go to sleep.

Despite my almost inevitable fall tomorrow, I'm pretty psyched. I don't know if it's the very strong coffee I had or just some pre-death dose of endorphins, but I'm not quite feeling the doom yet. Must be the song. Okay, enough jittery coffee talk, sleep beckons. Wish me luck!

We're looking for something dumb to do

2011-02-18T02:06:00.002+08:00

I was scrolling down reading status updates and recommended sites posted by my Facebook friends, when I realised I really don't care about most of them at all. It is a rather late epiphany, or rather I've only acted upon it now, but either way I closed the tab and decided it was time to blog a bit after several failed attempts. Usually I'd type out some horribly depressing post before deciding it's too depressing and life really isn't that bad after all, because come on, it's just stress. It's just 5 books I haven't finished. It's just a module I'm unable to cope with.

I was in choir today and I went in about ten minutes earlier. There were two guys sitting by the power point while a laptop was charging and Maroon 5's (I typed Marron, pardonnez mon français) songs were playing on it. And they were just sitting there and singing. By my normal cynical standards I would have found that deserving of at least some mockery, but really, don't we all just want to sing aloud and forget about every single thing once in a while? After a while their singing (and Sunday Morning) attracted more guys over to sing. Who does that in the normal world, right?

But you know, it's true what all the Glee people say about singing being an outlet and whatever, at least in my opinion, because there's something inherently therapeutic about singing out loud. Which is why we all love Teo Heng, right?

And speaking (typing) of expressing oneself, I was on the train on my way home from choir practice (which ended half an hour late because of blasted elections. The agony!) and reading one of the shorter (170 paged only! I haven't finished it O:<) literature texts. Halfway through the trip this group of tourists/backpackers(?) entered the train, and when the train was somewhere between Kallang and Bedok one of them, who was listening to his MP3, started dancing. No, no, really, he was grooving and shaking and moving around the carriage. He provided great entertainment for that five minutes or so that he was dancing. And because he probably wasn't high, it puts a smile to your face to find out that people can feel this exuberant for no particular reason except that they find a song particularly groovy.

You've got to enjoy the little things, don't you? Nobody ever finds epic, chronic (yes, word choice) happiness.

I could go on waxing lyrical about that, but it's almost 2.30 and I've got lessons tomorrow (computing. Fuck!) and I haven't had a good night's sleep since I-don't-know-when.

I wanted to blog more about random happenings in my life but you aren't that interested and I don't have to report every single thing, right? Oh oh we sent Sokey May off yesterday, just fyi. Piplup is really cute but after it evolves into its final stage it really is rather lame, no? Steel and Water, which means its ass gets kicked pretty badly by Chimchar's final evolution which has no offensive ineffectiveness against it, since both Fire and Fighting are super effective against Steel-type. And the turtle thing whose name I cannot recall evolves into a hybrid Grass/Ground type, which makes it super effective both ways. Sorry, I've needed to think this through ever since this afternoon when my friend was talking about the Diamond version. And yes, I started with Piplup, who's the cutest (at first). Nobody likes monkey-Pokémon. Or ones that look like a cross between a nature reserve and an ugly tortoise.

I think Adele is an awesome singer.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs

2011-02-15T01:42:00.003+08:00

On my way home from choir, nearing 11, I met one of my friends who was on his way to Bedok to give "something" to "somebody". How sweet.

I'm so glad Valentine's Day is over. Seeing those balloon-toting hipsters in FASS annoys me to hell. I am so cranky. I need sleep. Ciao, bellas!

I don't know any Italian, so.

She will be loved

2011-02-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

Happy day after Valentine's Day, people!

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

2011-02-06T22:38:00.003+08:00

Meh, school.

Now that the break's over, I would give my left arm to go visiting and having three do-nothing days again, during which I ate copious amounts of pineapple tarts and bak kwa, and watched 大世界 with my aunts and cousin (the cool one who likes to cosplay, speaks fluent Japanese and flies frequently to Japan to attend X-Japan concerts).

And there's choir tomorrow.

Meh.

Her eyes, her eyes

2011-02-02T15:40:00.002+08:00

You all know I'm taking a programming module with Phua, so now let me tell you how aggravating it is to code, especially if you aren't a particularly meticulous person. I've been bugged by this one erroneous piece of code since last Friday, in which no matter what I tried I couldn't get the correct output.

I tried everything! I tried changing the variables from x1, x2 (and so on) to a, b, c (and so forth), I tried changing the statements, and I almost rewrote the entire thing.

Then just a few minutes ago I realised that the formula I entered was wrong; I typed a minus sign where there should be a plus sign. Which was why I ended up with the "not a number" error message because I was erroneously trying to find the square root of a negative number.

And because I'm really untidy and careless, I expect to be troubled by similar problems as long as I'm in this course.

Anyway, yes, I am really bored. Phua is writing up her lab report on the computer beside mine, while I have nothing to do but to blog about my trivial basic programming problems. Darn it I so shouldn't have cleared all the Facebook notifications this morning if not now I can have a good laugh reading the bellsprout thread. And by laughing I refer to Chip's oh-so-predictable but simultaneously funny reaction to our comments.

I wish I were overseas now. I am so tired I've had this chronic triple eyelid syndrome for the past two days. It's really annoying because your eyelid just feels wrong. I read online (just) that applying vaseline onto the lid(s) would do the trick. Hopefully it does, because I just look really sleepy now. I mean, yes, I am very sleepy most of the time (because most of the time I sleep at 3 in the morning) but that's not a good reason to keep a triple eyelid. It reverts back to normal when I frown but when I stop frowning it just folds into itself again. Drat.

I thus resolve to sleep the Chinese New Year away.

Ugh I'm not feeling enthused about visiting my relatives.

and crisp apple strudels

2011-02-01T10:57:00.002+08:00

Who what when where how WHY?? The SL just messaged me that I'm the new Soprano 1 SL. I am so utterly screwed! O:

Even more screwed than I am in this programming module. For some reason the Mac keyboard is quite comfortable to type with. And speaking of Macs and all things rerlated to Apple, my father has recently converted into an Apple fanboy. He bought an iPad, and is talking about getting an iPhone. I don't know; soon he'd be suggesting we buy a Mac and worshipping Steve.

It's not like I don't like the minimalist designs of Apple, or it's user interface, but the fact that every single flippin' person is using an iPhone and coveting Macbooks just makes me kind of sick of all the hype. What's wrong with the PC? What's wrong with good 'ol Windows Media Player? iTunes isn't the most user-friendly player out there, depite it having a sleek chrome "I'm so cool" display.

But enough griping about Apple, I've got a lecture to listen to. And sorry for the spelling mistakes, IE doesn't have the spellcheck wriggly red line thing. Ciao!

Dark of the matinee

2011-02-01T01:58:00.003+08:00

Ugh for the concert we're dancing to a Pinoy song. All the more you people should come! It's gotta be fun watching people (read: me) dance badly.

Dream on - Aerosmith

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
Is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and
From sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until the dream come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until your dreams come through
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...

I'm back on the Glee wagon.

Look how they shine for you

2011-01-31T00:18:00.003+08:00

Yeah I should have seen this coming, but then again it was like three in the morning so you can't blame me for forgetting mention that I went for the stargazing thing because it was part of a module. I was going to go alone but Judy decided to join me since we had dinner together and she felt like going stargazing. Too bad there were only 3 telescopes and a helluva line of people waiting their turn, so in the end we went to chill at Clementi instead.

It was a non-event, but I had a great time just talking cock with Jude. Oh then I went to the airport to send Boss Koh off.

So there.

Goodnight, travel well

2011-01-28T02:35:00.002+08:00

I got home at 11.30 and wanted to start on the programming tutorial. By the time I finished bathing it was almost midnight and I started using the internet. Now it's almost 3 and I haven't done a single thing. O:

Choir is killing me. But for some weird reason I don't suffer from overwhelming impulses to skip practices anymore. Maybe it's because of my timetable. On Monday I end at 8 so I miss half of the practice, but since it's already 8 I might as well go for another hour and a half. On Thursdays I have a lecture from 4 to 6 by one of my favourite literature lecturers, so I guess that's okay because choir starts at 6.30 and that's one lecture I won't skip.

But it still doesn't explain the Saturday practices anomaly; usually I'd be the first one to give an excuse (my aunt's giving birth!/it's my Grandfather's birthday!) but somehow Ive conned my brain into waking up at 7 and travelling all the way to that godforsaken land to sing for three hours. Am I dedicated or what?

Stargazing tomorrow. Well. I should sleep, recently I've been sleeping at two/three in the morning and I'm having a pimple outbreak! O: This cannot do. Okay, good night.

On losing and failing

2011-01-27T01:42:00.006+08:00

After 80 pages of 9Gagging (>__> whatever the verb is) I finally reached where I stopped the last time. Stop visiting the site for a few days...

I've got an axe to grind/a bone to pick with NUS. Next Wednesday's CNY Eve, when families are supposed to have their reunion dinners. Does NUS give us a free day? Noooooo. I have a tutorial from 5 to 6. The only other lesson is a lecture from 10 to noon. I have 5 flipping hours to kill. I'll be home late for reunion dinner, because it takes 2 hours to get home during the peak hours. Plus I don't think my father would want to fetch me home from NUS because I'm just an annoying kid. O:

On the bright side, I'm planning to bring my laptop to stream and watch a movie and maybe a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory on the interwebs. Silver lining, eh?

I'm not in a very good mood though. Between my general lack of life, school work and everything that is wrong with the world, I'm really not feeling the chill/content vibe much. You know what I hate? I hate people who make the "tch/tsk" tongue clicking sound (I don't know what's the onomatopoeia) when they're annoyed by something. It's okay when you do it when you're alone, do it once, or do it in jest. It's not okay - it's fucking annoying - when you do it in succession and/or because you're trying to express annoyance at someone/something. It's horribly grating to the ears.

Just a grievance.

Recently I haven't been in too many classes when I can keep to myself. I'm taking CS1010 with Phua, sitting with a friend I made in French class during French lectures, attending 12 people-ish French tutorials which are also attended by people I know by sight/name from French 1, going for a literature tutorial which only has 11 people in an extremely claustrophobic setting, and sitting with an ex-colleague (The Company) in said literature lecture.

Which leaves me with CS tutorial, another literature lecture/tutorial and the entire GEM module which I can enjoy solitude in. I'm not such a loner; it's nice to have people to talk to (if you know and like the person) in lessons, sometimes. But the literature module I'm taking with said ex-colleague is pretty awkward, because I don't have anything to say to him after the initial "what modules are you taking this sem?", "have you finished reading the text?" (plus utter disbelieve and burning shame when you realise he has and you haven't even started on it) questions. Talking about work is also out of the question since that was last year and when I started work it was already his last week (and on his last day he couldn't finish the article and passed it on to me) so I don't actually know him. But you know how once you know someone by name and have spoken to said person more than once you're somehow obliged to acknowledge his or her existence in a class? It's like some social contract but it's so ~~awkward~~ painful. But it's like if you stop sitting with said person in a class of less than 50 people where you both don't know anyone else it leaves things even more awkward.

Time for socially awkward penguin!

Reminds me of how Soke May didn't correct her tutor when he called her "Sokey May".

I read online that all it takes is a 4 second lull in conversation to feel awkward.

Yeah if you're just talking to an acquaintance you'll soon realise most of what you're saying is small talk and inconsequential.

I hate it when that happens!

Is it bad that I think I look cool and aloof when I do that? I like it when people think I'm unapproachable, because I don't like dealing with people. D:

I need to sleep. Good night!

Teenage mutant ninja turtles!

2011-01-25T02:10:00.005+08:00

Oh today my SL asked me if I had any interest in being next semester's SL. She was trying to do it in a subtle way, at first asking me if I was okay with the pieces, then saying, "Oh, you have music background?" and then getting into the main topic.

But I'm only a Grade 5 piano student! I cannot sight-read to save my life (even if faced with musically inclined zombies) and I haven't played real piano in 6 years. I would die. So naturally I tried to decline without showing too much disinterest (I mean some small part of me really wouldn't have minded, but that's the part of me which thinks I still have significant piano skillz) by pointing out my inferior music skillz.

I think it's rather sad when this blog turns into a mere log of things that happen in my life without funny (uhuh, you keep dreaming) commentary from yours truly, so here's a funny picture to keep you less bored!

I couldn't find a funny picture in my collection of internets-stolen pictures so you'd have to settle for a random one of turtles with laser-beams. Hey, it's a picture of turtles with laser-beams! You have to admit that's not too bad.

Okay, good night!

Such a heavenly way to die (not)

2011-01-25T01:13:00.004+08:00

Last night, I had my second Zombie Apocalypse (capital letters for dramatic effect) nightmare. I don't know about you, but an apocalypse caused by an outbreak of zombieism ranks really high on the "worst ways to die" list. If there's going to a an "end of the world" sorta thing I'd rather it be something less monstrous and bloody, like solar flares.

The first dream I had about zombies happened last year, but I can't really remember any details. I can remember this one though. It pretty much involved a would-be exodus to the airport because of the outbreak of zombies in the place we were currently inhabiting, which strangely enough didn't look like Singapore. However the airport did look like a bigger version of AS7 in FASS, with several shops selling novelty gift items. Anyway the characters featured in the dream include Soke May, Xu Mei, Choo and Chip and my father and sister, for some reason.

We were all heading to the airport, which was flooded by the way, because you know how people usually panic in the face of a zombie apocalypse. Apparently we were all trying to fly to a safe place, even though we all know from zombie movies that there are no safe places, since the virus is now airborne and highly contagious internationally. And being Singaporeans we're all afraid of, uh, dying. Somehow, with it being a dream, we had to traverse the same route twice because Xu Mei absurdly had to use the ladies' room and it was all the way across the maze-like airport (what bad architecture!), past a field of zombies. In my dream, zombies went into a stupor at night so we had little trouble passing the first time.

Anyway the second time Soke May and I had to escort our beloved friend Xu Mei to the toilet all the way across the airport, which involved descending stairs and walking across wide open spaces in the pouring rain in the day (when zombies were conscious, in a sense). Of course, a la typical zombie flicks we had to protect ourselves against the hungry hungry zombies, so Soke May and I decided to get guns from Choo and Chip, who were waiting at the departure hall. I can't remember what part my father and sister played, except for one short dream scene where they brought us umbrellas and back-up in the form of artillery-toting people. But I digress; Soke May and I each got two guns while we stood back-to-back with Xu Mei sandwiched in the middle (come to think of it, why did I get Soke May instead of Choo? Choo could have easily broke the zombies' undead necks), and I remembered thinking in my dream that swords were so much more useful in close zombie combat than guns. And what if I ran out of bullets?

So long story short (unlikely), we walked in this formation to the toilet, using escalators and lifts, and running in sharp curves (because zombies don't corner well? Apparently not, some almost got us) in the rain until Xu Mei reached the toilet. After relieving ourselves we had to go back to the departure hall, but to our horror the zombies were crowding the automatic doors (along with some human laggards who were fighting them off). I remembered thinking how I had to try my best not to shoot any humans (and how a sword would be terribly useful then). After much struggle we finally made it to the departure hall, at which point I had to pee again, and miraculously a toilet appeared in the departure hall and I went in to pee (in fear, because, y'know, it's the zombie apocalypse. No one's safe anywhere). After which I woke up with a full bladder and went on with my morning routine of walking zombie-like to the toilet.

Seriously though, I'd do better with a sword because I'm better at brute force than aiming, as is obvious when I was playing Zelda: Twilight Princess where I wasn't that great with the bow and arrow. And being heavier than most my arm strength is pretty good. Too bad in a zombie apocalypse the closest thing I will have to a sword are the pathetic kitchen knifes. And it's pretty much useless to stab zombies because they can't feel pain (since they're, uh, dead). My father used to have a greased taichi sword but since he gave up taichi and the search for inner peace and balance he sold the sword and I don't have a useful weapon if the end of the world is really one brought about by zombies! The horror, the horror!

I hope tonight I'll dream of unicorns and rainbows. And hopefully not zombie unicorns (which, believe it or not, was featured in last night's crazy epic zombie dream. There was this dream chase scene in the hallways of the bathroom annex of the airport where there were hungry zombies sitting on zombie unicorns chasing after us. No wonder they cornered so well! They were on unicorns! By some stroke of luck we didn't die and/or get bitten. Some fool did though, bless him).

I have got to stop using the interwebs so much. Unicorns/zombies? What next, LOLcats and imaginary cheezeburgers? D: And I really shouldn't have watched The Walking Dead. That was really, really good, but made me realise that zombies really aren't that comical after all. I don't remember when I watched it but sometime last year my sister and I watched a TWD marathon till 3 in the morning. Yes, it was that good.

Ugh, 9 am lesson tomorrow, gotta run.

PS. Wouldn't it be cool to take sword-wielding lessons? It'd help up my gaming skillz on the Wii and would be handy in the off chance a zombie apocalypse really did occur. Of course I'd have to procure a sword first. Okay, really, sleep!

Sleep, perchance to dream!

手中的鉛筆, 在紙上來來回回

2011-01-17T02:03:00.003+08:00

I need to start on A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man soon, if not I would be drowning in all the backlogged readings and lectures (which I'm planning to skip) in no time. And Robinson Crusoe.

I don't know about you, but reading non-contemporary works can sometimes be pure torture. I tried reading RC (and fell asleep) and ended up pretty annoyed by the fact that the narrator capitalises words ever so often. Pretty much like how Some People Type like This? Yeah, annoying.

Penny: Has Leonard ever been involved with someone who wasn't a braniac?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, a few years ago, he did go out with a woman who had a Ph. D. in French literature.
Penny: How is that not a braniac?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, for one thing, she was French. For another, it was literature.

I like Sheldon; he's like the aggravating asocial geek I never knew.

Speaking of aggravating, my tagboard's getting spammed again. Why me? Is my blog some kind of spam haven? O:

Recently I've been digging old Jay Chou songs. Maybe it's because his turn on the remake of The Green Hornet reminded me of, uh, his existence. I'm declaring this Friday to be a slack-day again because, well, I need one more before tutorials start.

You promise my heaven then put me through hell

2011-01-14T00:29:00.005+08:00

What I do when my Internets is down:

Flip my laptop off.
Go to the modem and say, "FUCK YOU, BITCH."
Spam Chrome with 40 tabs of Google. This, of all, works the best.
Click "Diagnose and Repair", which never fucking works.
Click on "Done" on the 2Wire DSL error page.
Reboot the whole fucking thing.
Give up.

I fucking hate Singtel. It's gotten so bad that sometimes the modem switches itself off. Like, what the fuck? How does that even happen?

By the way, I'm skipping my first lecture tomorrow! It's the Understanding the Universe one, because I don't quite like the professor. There's something really grating about the way she pronounces words. And she didn't manage to hold my attention, not with her grating accent and mispronunciations. I mean, come on lady, you're teaching about The Universe! That's so fucking cool! How can you not hold my attention!? How come I'm drawing pictures of Pikachu on my foolscap paper when you could be making the lecture fascinating with all the fascinating awesomeness of space? HOW WHY WHAT WHO WHERE WHEN HUH? Seriously.

Oh, and also because that's my only lecture of tomorrow since tutorials haven't started. Plus choir practice on Saturday. I've got to ration my slack time, baby.

Yeah, I know you couldn't care less about my life, because I have none. I finished watching How I Met Your Mother online and am starting on The Big Bang Theory. Which is why I've been using the word "awesome" a lot lately, because Barney Stinston uses it really flippantly. Neil Patrick Harris is completely, uh, awesome. He's my gay crush. That sounded so wrong, but you know what I mean. Like if you're a man you have man crushes, and for girls you can have the hots for girls who will be your girl crushes. Speaking of man crushes, I recently downloaded I Love You, Man because I'm trying to con my mind into believing I still have time to slack. So far it's working, shh.

I'm really digging Bon Jovi recently. It's loud and in-your-face and so completely full of unbridled win, which is great for a pick me up when you're trying to wake up for school on the MRT.

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME
DARLIN' YOU GIVE LO-O-OVE A BAD NAME!

Sing, sing a song

2011-01-10T11:44:00.002+08:00

There will be Saturday practice starting from week 1, the first being 15th Jan.

Oh just fucking shoot me already.

Maybe there's a silver lining and I'd suffer from a cardiac arrest sometime this week, and I wouldn't have to go for subsequent choir practices. Or, or, I'd lose my ability to sing and they'd kick me out.

Can't wait for the concert to end. CORS is screwing with me again. Looks like I wouldn't be overloading this semester because I have no idea what other module to take. I don't have any lessons today, but guess what, there's choir practice!

I know it's not as bad as I make it out to be, but the thought of traveling all the way to blasted NUS makes me nauseous. And the thought of traveling all the way back makes me want to cry. No, kidding, crying's for wusses. It makes me want to smash something into pieces. Oh and don't even get me started on weekend practices. I have half a mind to say I've got some weekly tuition thing and lie my way out, but I can't carry such a huge lie off, so maybe I should get a weekly tuition thing on Saturday to get out of it. Hmm. Anyone needs a Saturday tutor?

I'd earn some money (which I desperately need) and get out of practice. How's that for ingenious? But I'm too lazy so it's just an idea on a blog.

Worst decision of 2010? Joining a CCA. If I wanted something to occupy my time, volunteering somewhere would have done the trick (and would help people too), but nooooo, I wanted to sing. Curse you, Glee!

But don't blink you might miss

2011-01-06T13:25:00.002+08:00

My modules as of this afternoon:

Hopefully by the end of today I'd have French 2 in it.

Unfortunately I only got 2 literature modules this semester, which means my plan to catch up is horribly backfiring. I decided to overload this semester, but the problem is I've got no modules to take. What a joke.

It's sad that compared to the other majors, English literature has significantly less modules offered in a semester. Curse you, cruel fate!

He's making a list, and checking it twice

2011-01-06T00:27:00.004+08:00

I've decided to make a bucket list, to get into all that 2012 hype, y'know. Besides, I have a certain obsession with lists. They're neatly stacked words which fit in a category; you can't ever go wrong with lists.

5 movies which are worth watching (over and over again):

1. Inception

Does his totem stop spinning? Where are we now? What..?

2. Toy Story (1, 2 & 3)

I friggin' sobbed near the end. I mean Woody! Noooo!

3. Before Sunrise

Even though nothing really happens, it's a surprisingly absorbing movie.

4. Home Alone (1 & 2)

Macaulay Culkin and his signature expression on the cover, two bumbling idiots as villains; nothing beats the feeling of nostalgia when you watch these movies. Especially during the Christmas season.

5. LOTR Trilogy

Even if you hated the book(s), these movies are pretty much awesome. I watched the first one more than three times (no mean feat considering how long it is) and I still wouldn't mind watching it again.

5 6 7 8 books which have made me who I am (or are just kinda awesome)

1. Harry Potter (the series)

Technically not a single book, but this really defined part of my adolescence. Why did Dobby die?

2. Matilda

One of the less fantastical Roald Dahl books (relatively. I mean a girl who can control objects with her mind is fantastical, just not as much as dream catching giants and children who turn into mice) but one which shaped my world-view. I generally like books which depict children who pwn adults.

3. The Witches

Again, a wicked Roald Dahl book, but this time with witches. I developed a mild fear of strange women after reading it for a period of time. No shizz.

4. The Little Prince

I only read it once, but it was so, I don't know, beautifully written and illustrated. I remember I didn't really understand everything, but I did somewhat get the part about adults and the lonely flower. It was one of the deeper books I read as a kid, so it pretty much stuck with me.

5. Enid Blyton books (again, technically not a single book)

They fed me an unhealthy dose of escapism and love of the fantastical. Even though her books aren't stylistically stunning, they were the staple of my childhood. I loved the stories about toys who came to life at night (even though they can take a creepy turn now that you think about it) and fairies who live in gardens with gnomes.

6. Goose Girl

Contrary to what the title suggests, it's not about some loser nerdette who finds love ala several teenage chick-lit. Instead this semi-thick novel is based on a Grimm fable. The best thing about this book is the prose. The author writes really well. Sure, it may be my memory playing a trick on me, but I think she's one of the better (relatively) unknown writers who flood the YA section of the library.

7. The Ghost's Child

This book isn't formative (like the one above) but it's also beautifully written and the message of loss and regret isn't fluff. I'm a sucker for well-written books which are unputdownable.

8. Those dark books about Faeries and otherworldly entities

These litter the YA section of libraries, and you could try books written by Charles de Lint. If I didn't remember wrongly he's one pretty darn good fantasy writer. I never understood why faeries never became the next big thing. Instead, Meyer's version of vampires became a hit instead, which is really unfair considering how most of the faerie/banshee related novels out there are much better written than Twilight, and have more engaging plots.

Actually, if you're not into reading detective thrillers and romances in the adult section, you really can get a lot of good books in the YA section. I haven't fully explored the adult section of the libraries yet. Shall do it when I go to the library again. Somehow I keep getting put off by the clichéd romance novels littering the shelves. And the several Nora Roberts books.

Well. That's enough listing for today. I want to go shopping!

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep fried chicken

2011-01-05T21:06:00.005+08:00

I am too free, so Judy set me a challenge:

The "her" here refers to Soke May in her infamous Yunnan picture, which manages to get laughs after all these years. Not one to turn down a mission, I accepted it. And here's what I came up with:

Oh the Glory!

I did a couple of shops (actually, GIMPs) before I came up with this, but none have as much visual impact as it does. I must say, those Sec 2 Art lessons in Photoshop haven't been wasted.

Hope that cheered you up as much as it did me. For this one I added the lens flare and supernova effects for the extra cheesy oomph.

My apologies to Soke May and KFC.

Who you gonna call?

2011-01-04T19:05:00.006+08:00

Instead of going for the first choir practice of the year, I spent the whole of last night reading Pokémon Creepypasta on some Pokémon forum. Yes, I am degenerating into an Otaku, but you can call me on it because there's really nothing wrong with it. We don't all have to be outgoing people who like the company of others and be enthusiastic about travelling to school for activities. No siree.

So I read those creepypasta till 3am in the morning like the no-lifer I am. Life is overrated anyway. My first and only new year's resolution is to be happier with my choice of degeneration, and I choose indulging in Otaku pursuits. This resolution of course involves me not going all out to meet people and make new friends, because as I've already said, I have no interest in making random hi-bye acquaintances thank you very much. That's not to say I would resist making friends, I'll just not make any effort at all, like last semester.

I'm bored of 2011 already, so to create a semblance of freshness I downloaded the 2011 MSN Messenger, which adds a ton'o superfluous stuff. All I want is the ability to have more font colours, but apparently that's not a priority. Everything's got to be "social". Also, I removed the categories like "2A :)", "3H :\" and "5A :S", instead consolidating them into one Dunman High. See, new things!

Anyway back to the creepypasta thing; I got the creeps reading them last night, and I was hoping nothing would jump out at me in the dark while I went to turn the internet thingamajig off. What gave me the creeps was the fact that the Pokémon Banette is supposed to be a possessed, manic doll which is seeking the child who abandoned it. What the frak? And they had those Deviantart pictures depicting Banette and it's just way too scary to read at 1 in the morning, when things go bump and shuffle in the night.

Brr.

I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello

2010-12-31T19:39:00.003+08:00

It's a few more hours to 2011. And guess what? The first Monday of the new year will be dedicated to choir practice. I don't even know where I put all my scores after the great bedroom massacre of '10. Damn. I'm sitting on my bed in front of my laptop blasting feel-good Glee tunes and wrapping belated Christmas presents. I'm also having a slight headache because of my sore throat, which has suddenly appeared again. Add a backache and you know this isn't the best New Year's Eve ever.

But I had fun today. I went out with Francesca Xiuli Yunxuan and Xumei for lunch and some dessert, after which Koh and I hung out at Bugis like teens. We were talking our favourite topic of 2010, which many of you would probably know. But in case you didn't, here's something you've been looking forward to all year (not)!

2010: The Greatest Hits

Y'know, to go with the song lyrics I use as the title for posts

10. I moved out of hall

Still haven't wrapped my head around the idea that I have a) no freedom and b) to travel to school every flippin' day. Actually, I have. I hate it.

9. I joined Choir

Like, wtf? I did make a few FB friends but those are inconsequential. But I didn't join to make friends. I joined to sing. And now I'm in the stage where I'm sick of practices. Dang.

8. First marriage and baby of our batch

Regardless of my proximity to the event, it's still one of the biggest news of 2010. And it's happy news! Everyone likes happy news.

7. Working at Tabby

It's my longest job stint so far, and I learnt the ropes of journalism. Not only journalism, but tabloid journalism. My kinda thing. I interviewed friendly neighbourhood people, entrepreneurial women and durian sellers. I didn't quit. It was retrospectively fun.

6. HONG KONG

In all-caps, because it was one of the best things which happened this year. A week of touring and eating and shopping with friends. What can be better? We so need to do this sort of thing again!

5. Got my first A

And in literature too! It made my year.

4. Turned 20

And whined incessantly about it along the way. This was probably one of the better birthdays I've had, because of my awesome friends and family. I really ~~blesses~~ lucky to have such a good life. Don't expect me to show such contentment often though. A life lived is a life lived in angst.

3. I decided to major in English Literature

As you can see I'm running out of greatest hits. I'm just building up to the number one, which you probably know already. Anyway, I think this is a major decision in my life, and even though NUS isn't known to be great at English Literature I'm proud to not have given up because of one lousy module.

2. French!

Bonne année!

Drumroll please!

1. Choo choo's big surprise! (or, KK's big arrival!)

In a year which flew by horrendously quickly in a flurry of essays and 2 hour journeys to school, this little piece of juicy first-hand news pertaining to a close friend is really a welcome sight. Even though it shocked the hell out of some and stunned more than a few with the heroine's bravado, it really deserves the top spot in this list of 2010 Greatest Hits. We expect more juice from you, Choo choo! And don't worry, I'll force everything humanely possible out of you. Muahahahahaha.

No, really. I will. Unless you tell me to stop. I respect privacy. Really.

Gosh I'm having a horrible headache now.

Buuuuut, I've got to thank people, haven't I? Well. I haven't got the pain tolerance to do a detailed list, but here's some:

Thank you all lovely people who have impacted me in more ways than you know.

Thank you, my family, who can be aggravating at times but hey, a non-aggravating family isn't a real family!

Thank you CORS, who made me realise I don't really want to major in New Media.

Thank you, Salonpas, who is making a aching back better.

Thank you, you ~~loyal~~ readers of this blog, those who have stuck around through the I-DON'T-WANNA-TURN-TWENTYYYYYY angst and the complaints and the moments when I feel down. I love you guys a lot a lot a lot, and you're mainly the motivation I have for keeping this blog. I mean if there weren't readers I could simply type into notepad and save all my ramblings in the C drive. Oh, and another motivation is the general stupidity we as a human race show. That's fodder for this blog.

So, thank you thank you thank you! For making this year a pretty good one. Here's to an awesome 2011! I'll be sleeping early though. Brain ache no good me feel bad.

I ♥ YOU GUYS!

By the way I didn't bother proofreading because brain ache no good me feel bad, but you know I don't mean to subject you all to my horrible spelling and grammar mistakes. Okay, bye!

9.34, 31/12/2010

Elmo's world

2010-12-30T03:37:00.000+08:00

I know you think my desktop is awesome. Or you think I'm incredibly childish, but hey, I think you're an ugly poopoo! Who's mature now?

My bonnie lies over the ocean

2010-12-30T00:45:00.002+08:00

I'm ba-ack! Okay so I came back yesterday but who's got the motivations to blog when you've got the worst sore throat ever and the ground feels unstable?

For those of you not in the know and/or stalkers of my Facebook page, I've been on a five-day cruise to Phuket (I didn't go to Phuket though. I think it's too much of a tourist trap anyway) and there was no free access to the internet. I did, however, have access to a pool and the sun, which meant that I could at last get a ~~tan~~ sunburn! The joy!

I swam for two consecutive days in the two pools under the hot sun for hours which meant my shoulder got pretty badly sunburnt because they normally do not see the light of day. Much like vampires (not the ones in Twilight though; they sparkle in the sun and are not afraid of anything), except vampires aren't as fat. Hopefully I did get a little darker. I think I did, but I'm not a good judge because I, uh, see myself every day? I don't know.

Oh and they have these Americano buffets on board (by American I mean lots of meat and potatoes and dessert) with decadent cakes pumped with booze. I don't know about you, but potatoes and booze-filled cake makes me happy. Actually booze makes me happy in any form, but boozy cakes? Awesome. And I tried creme brulee (minus the accented e, because I'm too lazy) for the first time in my life.

I guess the hot sun and the booze-filled cakes gave me this mother of all sore throats.

I have to say something about the swimming though. You see, my sister doesn't like getting her hair out of its equilibrium. By equilibrium I mean her usual rebonded(?), straight-at-the-bottom, growing-out-curly-at-top-needs-another-rebond-job hair. So she didn't want to swim because the chlorinated water kills hair. It does. My hair felt like dry wheat (I don't know how dry wheat feels like; get off my back!) for the next two days. My point is, she didn't want to swim because of her hair. That makes me sad.

So. Cruises. I don't know what's so great about them but it's pretty much not too shabby if you're a slacker like me. I mean, amenities all in one place! Small rooms which have everything in them except potable water, which you get by boiling the tap water! Food 24/7! People making up your room!

The sea! Don't you love the sea? It's big and blue and deep and so much greater than us.

On the flipside, you get to indulge in vices in the casino, which my mum loves, and watch mind-numbing TV all day if you've nothing better to do. Did I say flipside? Obviously I didn't mean it. My family played bingo when there wasn't much to do, and won 90 bucks. You see, it runs in the family. There's this legend that my paternal grandfather gambled away a plot of family land. He loved to play Mahjong, as did my father, who played that instead of studying for the O Levels, but did well enough to be mentioned in the newspaper(s) as one of the top scorers during his time (according to my aunt). How awesome is my family? And yes, it runs in the family, ahem ahem.

They're showing this show on Channel U which is talking about the GenY/X/Strawberry. I don't agree with the whole strawberry analogy, because it's simplistic and people of different generations have different ideals and have been through different things. But this topic has been debated to death and is boring me, next!

2011's coming! Get ready for my annual bore-fest of thanks and reflections, but not today, it's too late now.

Oh anyway I was talking about crappy TV shows on the cruise. Trust me, it was horrible. Sure, they showed Harry Potter (I almost typed Happy Potter wtf) and the HBP, Sherlock Holmes and How I met your mother, but also many horrible reality TV shows. Sure, they didn't show the abysmal Sarah Palin one (I have never watched a single episode of it, but from news articles it seems she's not classy and horribly stupid, so I shall stick to that opinion), but they did show the ones about the Kardashian family, among others. This sort of obsession with the lives of people - not only people but vapid, utterly uninteresting people (one of them wants to get over a break up by whoring around. No, really, she said that) and the so-called "drama" surrounding their lives - really irks me. Seriously, has the world become so depraved that we have to get our kicks by watching other people live their lives? Why are there people who are famous just for being famous? There's something wrong with this world if people earn millions by letting their young children appear on reality shows which millions of people watch because they cannot comprehend anything except the drama and vapidity of the media. I think my faith in humanity completely evaporated when I chanced upon this reality TV show starring the ex-wife of Charlie Sheen, who has decided that her kids would be in the show. They showed her going on a series of talkshows to promote her her show, and when the talkshow hosts ask her whether her decision to let the kids on the show is an exploitation. She then goes on to go into a bit of a mental breakdown, bemoaning her fate and how the talkshow hosts were being unreasonable and probing into her private life. I guess the irony is lost on her.

But hey, we all know everyone's becoming stupid and enthralled by the smoke and mirrors of the rich and famous. No one likes the drama-less mundane lives which normal people live. People much prefer watching The Situation get sloshed and reality stars getting multiple plastic surgeries. Who needs deep thought? We don't have time for that.

Veering off on one of those yarns again. I shall lighten the mood!

Having been on the cruise I have realised that I'm not really good with foreign accents. Really. I was swimming in an indoor pool in the morning and there was one other person in the pool, some elderly American man doing some pool workout (no, really. He was walking and sloshing his arms on the surface). When he was about to leave the pool, he said "You'll have the pool all by yourself. Enjoy!". Which I didn't quite hear the first time, so I was like "Sorry?", and he had to repeat that. Then after some time in the pool I went to the hot tub (ahhh hot tubs are awesome) and two kids entered, followed by their British(?) grandmother. She said something which I couldn't make out again so I did the "sorry?" thing again. She actually said "With the two of them following you around you'd have no peace". And then, on the last night during the buffet dinner there was this Italian (I almost spelled Italien) waiter who was really chatty (with everyone), so every time he came to our table (I was dining with my sister because my parents had a very early dinner) he would make some table chatter. So anyway my sister went off to get some food and he was like "Is that your sister?", which I understood the first time despite his thick accent, so I said yes. Then he went on to say something which I couldn't make out the first four times he said it. The conversation went something like:

"Ddivfhxdivh sfihzdxivh sfdshf asd."
"What?"
"Ddvfxvih dfawoi asfjchzxd cosdas."
"Sorry, what??"
"Icxvoiuxiu fsdifusdifu idufisdufius."
"What!?!?"
"Hdifsdif sdfas look alike."
"WHAT??"
"How many times do you want me to repeat it?"

No kidding. In the end I realised he was saying we looked alike, to which I replied "noooo", because we don't. My sister came back and proceeded to accidentally spill some rice onto the table, at which he joked about getting her clean it up with a clothe. Then when I was gone for water he told my sister he was from Italy (or something like that. I wasn't there). Probably good he didn't tell me that if not I would have misheard it five times or something. With his accent I thought he was Romanian or something, but then again I really have no idea where Romania is, because I suck at things like that. Then he asked whether I wanted water because I finished the water I took because of my sore throat (I self-medicate the only way I know how: spamming water), and I declined because I thought he would serve Perrier which was not free. Then I got water from the dispenser again and when he passed our table again he said something which I really didn't quite make out but was probably something along the lines of me not accepting his water-refilling offer. I swear I am bad at accents.

I finished my water again and when he passed he asked if I'd like more water, then I was like, "No thanks" because we were going to leave, and he proceeded to rattle off the drinks dispensed there, "Would you like Lemonade? Iced Tea? Milk?" to which I said no, until the last one which I couldn't hear, and I suspect isn't a drink but probably some joke, so I was like "What?" again. I should probably be more polite. So anyway he seemed amused by the way I said "what?" and he said "That's funny, I like the way you say "WHAT?" Do it again!" like one of those kids meeting Santa, and I was like "No!" in the tone which people use when someone suggests something unreasonable.

I was thinking "Noooo why are you making me pai seh in front of my sister! I have to retain my worldly wise big sister image!". We then decided to leave before he spots us buuut no, he did see us leaving and he said something which I couldn't decipher so I reflexively said "What?" and he was like all "yeah! That!", to which I probably rolled my eyes and he said bye and I said bye and we left before any of my worldly wise big sister image was tarnished further.

Unbelievably I dedicated that long crap to that incident but my life is really too mundane and I don't talk to people much so this was a big thing. Anyways my point is I suck at accents which I'm unfamiliar with. I'd probably do well with the American Bimbo accent because it's well-represented on TV, but the rest I'm incredibly hopeless. But weirdly enough I understand those fake american accents some Singaporeans do, but probably because I'm used to it. I could never fake a convincing American accent, unless it's the American bimbo accent. Like, totally.

I'm hungry and it's 3.19! They're showing Entertainment 100% (actually, yu2 le4 bai3 fen1 bai3) on Channel U. I still have a sore throat. :(

Remember the thing I said about the ground feeling unstable? It does! It's like some boat withdrawal symptom or something. Or inner ear liquid imbalance. I hope I get what I bid for! I'm so desperate I even bid for Shakespeare. I don't even like him much. I got allocated 2 out of 5 modules, the oh-so-fun The Eighteenth Century and The Twentieth Century. Gosh. And another module I bid for is Tragedy. It's a tragedy that I have to overload on so many modules this semester. French is going to be a bitch, but I hope I get it.

Oh no, I'm dry coughing! I better sleep. Good night! See you before the new year! I just thought of two resolutions: Stop with the exclamation marks, and stop using the word "like". Okay, really, bye. Didn't proofread, this is the crap you get yo.

Everybody wants to change the world

2010-12-22T23:38:00.016+08:00

I haven't been indulging in Otaku pursuits for the past few days because I have been busy packing my room. It took a massive amount of willpower and effort over three days, but my room is marginally less cluttered than it was. Yes, I'll admit I still have books on the floor (but stacked into neat piles! Beat that) and knick knacks on the tables but it's a neatly arranged mess now, and I'm proud of my housekeeping skills (read: none).

I was randomly interneting and I have to say, Emma Watson is seriously ~~hot~~ ~~cute~~ pretty. If I were a dude I'd totally by infatuated. Since I'm not one, I'll just make some non-committal comment on an unread blog. Well.

As a party planner, I have to say that I haven't been doing a good job lately with the outings and stuff. I personally blame the timetables and YOG, but that's just me. I have a question. Am I the only person willing to go out and catch a movie during the exam period? I haven't tried asking all my friends but I have a nagging suspicion that many of them wouldn't welcome the idea of going out, even for a bit, during the mugging period. But then again it's really selfish of me to expect that of people, so.

Now, to put the log into blog:

Today, I went to White Sands. Yes, we all know White Sands seems really lame, but it has a flipping library. Libraries R Kewl. So I went to buy some envelopes to post a letter (White Sands has a post office too. Beat that NEX!) and then borrowed 7 books from the library (2 of which were Calvin and Hobbes collections, because you gotta love a boy and his pet tiger). Technically you can now borrow 12 books because of the DEAR initiative but being of sound mind and shoulder-bag I decided not to. Besides I couldn't find that many books to borrow.

So, after all the nerdtastic fun I had in the library I went to Super Dog to get lunch. It freaking cost me $7 without the student meal (blasted holidays) and I swear I'm never going to be that stupid and lazy again. But that's not the point. I've been wanting to vent about this the whole day.

I was queuing behind this OMOL (Office Man Office Lady) couple and the OL was ordering her whatever meal. There are three registers in the shop, and two were open but only one was manned. This elderly woman (60? 55?) was standing behind the closed one that had the small electronic display which read:

----Register Closed----
----Register Closed----
----Register Closed----

Obviously Mr OM didn't see that blatant display (exaggeration) of register-closed-ness, so he went over to the elderly woman and tried ordering his food. I think there's a manpower shortage at Super Dog and the elderly woman wasn't trained to handle the cash register, but anyhow she told him that she wasn't a cashier. And Mr OM was all "Then 你站在那里做什么?" in a "I'm fucking more superior than you" tone. That totally pissed me off but being the typical Singaporean that I am I didn't do anything but roll my eyes at Mr OM's back. If you saw me giving the elite eye-roll before you'd know what I mean.

But I was so fucking pissed off. There are two glaringly obvious problems Mr OM has. One, it was just bloody lunch, what was he getting so pissed off for? Get your head out of your ass Mr OM. Someone didn't take your orders and you're upset that your authority is being ignored? Got picked on your by your boss at work? Someone murdered your pet fish? Two, his failure to read and/or comprehend the "Register Closed" display. Dear Mr OM, even though illiteracy is a real problem worldwide, I find that your lack of ability to read laughable, and your outburst invalid and befitting your idiocy.

Also, you're ruining my day with your lack of social graces and your immense stupidity. I'm all for nihilists, rebels and anarchists (with causes) but you simply reek of uncouth behaviour and general lack of thinking skills, and I find your exclamation simplistic and grammatically incorrect. If you want to get pissed off at a person for standing behind a closed register and giving you false signals then you should at least do it in a more sophisticated manner, because being a human being with an IQ higher than a single-celled amoeba I have developed a taste for insults/tirades which involve some thought instead of a terse one-liner coming from a man with a white-collar job. And here I thought people like Mr OM had an edumacation.

Lastly, well, I just don't like OMOLs. I'm just a biased prick, so if OMOLs do anything slightly offensive I'd get into my bitch-mode (all girls should have a bitch mode. Guys too, for the matter. I haven't been able to achieve the state of Nirvana but hell I can switch into my bitch-mode. At least on this blog, which is kinda lame but whatever). Too bad I don't do that in real life, if not I'd totally be a Youtube star. Did I say "too bad"? I meant "luckily". But enough of this tirade.

I probably am too afraid that I'd become one of them, all "I'm not working in a fast-food place so I'm better than you". I hope the woman spit into that asshole's burger.

Extra! Extra!

2010-12-20T01:54:00.009+08:00

How not to be lonely on Christmas©
(A Subsidiary of Invisible Tabloids©)

Miss ______ reports

Do you find yourself crying cold, frozen tears while couples around you enjoy each other's warmth and company? Do you crave love and solace during the holiday season? ~~Well, suck it up!~~ Well, you are not alone!

The team at IT investigates and compiles a handy guide for you to turn this lonely, lonely Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Secular Consumerism Day into one you can share with a partner under the proverbial mistletoe.

For the Star-Crossed Lovers:

Have a loved one but cannot spend the holidays with him or her? Don't worry, IT has a few tips from (a) relationship experts which will help ease the loneliness.

Miss HHC, love consultant with deep expertise in these matters, gives these suggestions:
1. For the students, the best bet would be to apply for an overseas exchange or two. Passion blooms with burning enthusiasm when one is in a foreign land, and if it isn't all that rosy, think of the hotel fees you could end up saving! It's two birds with one stone, baby! And nothing warms the heart more than spending a loving day or two with your smoochie-poo in the cold.

2. No money for a fancy-schmancy exchange? The internet's always there for you. Indulge in innocent flirting over old media like MSN messenger, or have some frisky fun frolicking on Skype. It's like hanging out without actually moving your butt, perfect for that slacker in you. If your pesky friends talk to you online, you could always pretend to be busy "doing some housework".

Miss HHC and her feminine charms. Photocredit: Miss _____

For the Mugger/Closet Mugger:

Love the school library too much? Find yourself hanging out with your books more than with humans? You're probably a true-blue mugger, fueled by the passion you have for your grades.

IT staked out in the library and observed the behavioural quirks of such muggers, and here's what you can do to find love.
1. The holiday season sadly signals the end of the mugging season, and with the dying of these passions we may find the typical mugger to be at a loss. IT suggests those with such hardcore passions continue hanging out in the library, in search of the illusive partner who just may possess that amount of passionate muggery like you do. Either way you wouldn't end up too bad, the library is your sanctuary.

2. Talk to that cutie seating opposite to you! Sure, he or she may punch you in the face for interrupting their highly productive mugging session- a sign of serious passion- but you'd be thanking* IT for that innovative method for picking up people. Besides, it'd make a good story to tell the grandkids one day.
*IT holds no responsibility for any consequences brought about by reader's actions. Reader discretion advised.

3. Read a book on Christmas day, because if all else fails: "The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest men of past centuries"(as said by Descartes. Day-kah-who? Oh never mind), so you could possibly imagine yourself in the company of the finest men. Just hang a mistletoe over your reading table and you're set, dahling!

For the Otakus:

Whether you're a gamer, a manga/anime addict or a creepy basement-dweller with an internet addiction, this holiday season can be wholesome and un-lonely for you.

If you realise that you're slowly identifying with (forced) memes such as forever alone or sad Keanu, fret not, as IT has ~~five~~ four solutions to kick-start your mojo and charm.
1. Addicted to the internet? ~~Find love the easy way by begging on Craigslist!~~ Take this opportunity to practice some flirting. Studies have shown that the best compliment to women online is "you have beautiful lips". While we at IT find that compliment rather creepy on various levels (how did you come across those photos? And even if you had consensual access to those photos, lips? Really?), if studies are involved, it must be true. Unluckily, we at IT have not found studies on compliments to the men, but ladies, do try some like "you look like you have nice abs under that shirt", or "you look so hot like Justin Bieber", which would definitely** work some magic on your flirt partner.
**IT does not guarantee success for all individuals

2. Hopelessly addicted to manga/anime? Have a deep, passionate crush on one of the characters? This holiday season need not be one filled with self-loathing. Instead, why not indulge in a little bit of the addiction? Print a life-sized cardboard cutout of the character, hang a mistletoe above him/her/it, and knock yourself out! Christmas could be ho-ho-hot. Make sure you hide that figure from your friends (assuming you do have them) or mother; things could get pretty awkward.

3. For the gamer, the perfect solution would be to play more, of course, because everybody knows that humans are overrated. Therefore, instead of crying your heart out and being jealous of the couples you see on the streets (streets? What are these streets you speak of?), why not train your team to be the strongest ever? Or kill one or more of those orcs/goblins/lamias/dragons to level up? Nothing beats the satisfaction of pwning your opponents, not even love.

4. Finally, if you can't beat them, join them! Communities exist all over the world where gamers/enthusiasts meet and mingle. Who knows, love could be one convention away! IT suggests you to hop down to Tampines Mall, where all the cool kids are gathered to have Beyblade tournaments (Toys "R" Us) and Pokémon battles (near Isetan and Fox). ~~FIRST PRIZE IS A COUPON FOR POKEMON BLACK AND WHITE ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG WANT~~

Gamers of all shapes and sizes, all sharing the same burning passion! Photocredit: internets

So, with all the love and warmth in the wintry air, YOU could be the next one to get lucky. Dress up, put on some false eyelashes, shake that booty, because you never know when love might come to you in this wonderful season of ~~consumerism~~ miracles!

(Invisible Tabloids© and How not to be lonely on Christmas© are not liable for any emotional turmoil, bodily harm, mental instability and/or loss of friends brought about by the following of advice within the article)

No, really, Tampines Mall is having this super-awesome Pokémon promotion now. I saw a girl cosplaying as Pikachu there. And people playing the card game. Damn Pokémon's great.

By the way I didn't quite proofread, so whatever.

Laughing all the way

2010-12-18T02:02:00.002+08:00

A joke I'll always remember (and think of as funny):

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

*Badum tsh*

Tell me what's my lesson

2010-12-17T02:25:00.006+08:00

I remember in Primary 5 I wrote an essay- no, wait, what did they call those in primary school again, uh oh compositions- or rather, a composition and used the word "blustery" to describe the wind. I read that word in a Winnie the Pooh book. Then, while she was marking it in class, my form teacher asked me if that was even a word.

I think that planted a small seed of doubt in me toward teachers and authority figures which later grew into what I'd call this stage of unresolved teenage angst in me. It's still somewhere, waiting for something to set it off.

You can't be an English teacher and not now a word used in Winnie the Pooh book. Not even the real philosophical ones, but those kid-Disney version books.

But I remembered liking and respecting this elderly substitute teacher who was gentle and kind and everything you'd think a gentle English-teaching old man would be like. That probably didn't make sense but he was my favourite teacher, and I'll always remember how he pronounced the word "thoroughly" as "thu-row-ly" during dictation instead of the more familiar "tha-ruh-ly", which was utterly interesting to me when I was 11. I don't know, it's just one of those weird memories you keep as a kid. He probably would know what blustery meant.

I watched Gintama because I'm a stalker of both Choo and Chip's blogs and they're all transformed into no-lifers because of it. It's pretty funny, especially Elizabeth(?) the bird-thing-which-I-have-no-idea-about and her(?) signs.

All right, time to sleep. I'm thinking of reading more non-fiction, because the library doesn't have that many intriguing fiction books, with the good books on loan indefinitely, leaving behind Victorian soft-erotica (I don't know, that's what the cover suggests) and serialised chick-lit by authors I don't recognise with their doubtful titles suggesting hot sex and mindless protagonists. I don't mind Sophie Kinsella but usually her books aren't even on the shelves. Oh, but on a happier note, we can borrow 12 books now! If it weren't for the possibility of breaking my back I'd totally do just that.

Well, (smell ya) later!

Haven't seen you in a while

2010-12-08T01:43:00.003+08:00

My Nanjing Buddy just emailed me! In Chinese though, so I had to reply in Chinese because it'd be really weird to do so otherwise. But since I don't have a Chinese software installed I had to Google translate everything, and since Google Translate's not the best of them all I pretty much spent ten minutes on a short reply. It'd be easier to do it in English, and I'd like to find out if she's still with the aggravating boyfriend of hers.

But it's nice (despite all the stress that period of time gave all of us. And how it cut short my lifespan by about 10 years) to hear from an old friend.

Hungry now. Maybe I should eat the cake haha. ~~There's a weird chiming sound coming from somewhere every few seconds or so. Creepy.~~ From my sister's phone. >__>

With a little help from my friends

2010-12-08T00:42:00.002+08:00

Hola! I finally went out of the house today, so I didn't play any Platinum. Shocking, isn't it? I went to have lunch/dinner at Yuki Yaki with Charmaine Neo, Ada, and Soke May. It was just a random thing (really random, because Soke May apparently suddenly had the craving for it). But it was great meeting up and catching up, which you don't really get to do when you're singing for six hours straight, not counting the dinner after.

They bought me a slice of cheesecake! Which was wholly unexpected, because I was just glad to be out of the house with something to so that I didn't expect anything better. It was after we ate and Soke May was like "I want to go to the toilet", and Ada said she needed to also. So I went, "Okay why don't we pay and go to the toilet together?", to which Sokes replied, "But I still want to drink this (Green Tea) mah". I believed her, because she does have her little quirks which I don't really get sometimes. Speaking of which, if you're on FB rehab, this will make you piss your pants laughing.

So anyway they left for the toilet, but after what seemed like half an hour (I think it was) I was completely convinced that Soke May was having the runs. Suddenly, the "Happy Birthday" tune played on the sound system (I was like, wow, nice coincidence; corny choice of song) and they came with two slices of cakes (one for Charmaine and the other for me), which really took me by surprise. Because I've never been surprised by cake before, and I think my surprise was the thing that caught me by surprise, if that makes sense. That was a long description, just wanted to say thanks for that, it made my day. :D

Anyway watching the Mr and Miss Teen Earth video brought back good memories, like how we'd use to complain about Vanilla and how we're just saigang warriors, how Soke May totally loved it that the mascot flirted with her, how we watched the nursery kids perform their recycling songs so many times it numbed our brains, how Sokes and I thought we were going to be like Mr Jay (ANTM) and do the cool backstage stuff but actually weren't in reality, and just hanging out with really awesome people.

Shall digress from the ol' nostalgia path now. I haven't watched Deathly Hallows P1 yet! I need to watch it. I do. Oh by the way I tried wearing my blue suede shoes out today, but after a mere twenty minutes of walking and escalatoring I developed a blister on my left little toe and one of those chafing cuts on the back of my ankle (whatever that's called) so I had to buy slippers from CottonOn which were two sizes too big. Horrible. Luckily they cost like, 5 bucks so all I have to do is skip a meal or two to offset the money spent.

I'm sick of Facebook actually. I mean for today. It's 1.03 now. I'm supposed to be sleeping, but sleep isn't my priority right now, too much time on my hands. I could go for choir chalet, but I really don't feel like dealing with people whom I'm not that close to during the holidays. But I would go for carolling, because that's singing and thus totally different.

My FF is lagging like crazy. O: Because I'm bored: Sad Trombone.

Okay, good night!

It's ma Birthday

2010-12-06T02:38:00.002+08:00

So I'm officially twenty. Happy Birthday to me. I changed the info thing too! No more nineteen. (BAWWWWW)

Just kidding. It's not that bad. Vina's birthday card (and by card I mean Pokémon card) on FB was full of unbridled win. I mean I wouldn't say I have the most friends who'd wish me on Facebook, but those who did were mostly just really awesome. And I mean it sincerely, because I'm feeling the love man. This is the point where I'll interject some typical hippie phrase, but I shall refrain from doing that. And I should really be sleeping but I was playing Pokémon Platinum for the past 4 hours or so. Way to spend a birthday. If I end up not going out with anyone tomorrow I'll probably go shopping alone and splurge on a birthday gift. Damn the NTU semester timetable!

Okay, time to sleep; feeling a bit woozy.

You wake up, Another year is gone

2010-12-05T17:24:00.003+08:00

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

I learnt that blogging doesn't really have a cathartic effect, unless the feeling you're trying to express is anger, because when you're depressed and bummed out blogging about it doesn't help, it just makes you feel even worse.

I also learnt that good essay grades only make you feel happy for a short while, because you then realise you're just a loner with no friends who's going to turn twenty and haven't left a mark in the world.

Plus, I learnt that I'm starting to turn somewhat lactose intolerant, because I've been unable to drink normal HL milk without having the runs lately. It's not a nice feeling because there are still three cartons of that stuff in the fridge and no one else drinks HL but me. Furthermore all I want to do now is booze until I don't know it's my birthday (tomorrow). Eff.

Day 30—Whatever tickles your fancy

I recently bought some blue suede shoes after my last paper. Because I was in the mood for some mindless consumerist splurging, mainly due to the fact that I'm just a mindless consumer. Oh, and I was influenced highly by the song title, so I was like, "wouldn't it be cool if I had a pair of Blue Suede Shoes?". Thus I bought that pair. Haven't worn them though. Haven't been out much. Haven't had a life in a while.

Oh gosh Vivien suck it up.

Day 30- Who are you?

Oh my gosh! The last flipping one of this thirty day challenge thing! I'm the first to complete it hahaha. D:

Who am I? I'm twenty, my name's Vivien, I'm an ordinary girl with extraordinary talent for slacking and coming up with long essays within short time-frames. I like messing about with my hair, and wearing the same pair of shorts every day (so much so that it's threatening to tear apart). I know a bit about fashion (as in, what every single flipping person is wearing nowadays, not so much Karl Lagerfeld or Vivienne Westwood) and trends (again, what every single flipping person is wearing) but I'm not so much a follower than an observer, because you know sites like Tumblr and those featured on StumbleUpon are chock-full of these "fashionistas" who may seem different but after a while (most of them) look the same. And I'm not a follower because I'm often broke and I don't really care about the way I look most of the time (if I did I wouldn't be wearing the same pair of shorts every single day).

Right now I don't know who am I, because all my conceptions of me are rather depressing and negative. I know I'm not usually this beaten; I make stupid jokes and laugh things off, but right now I don't feel at home with the world and in my skin, and all I want to do is indulge in excesses and forget about everything. But the thing is, I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm all at once depressed that I'm turning twenty, afraid that one day all my friends will leave me because I'm such a loser, pissed off that I'm such a ninny, nostalgic for the "good old days", yearning for something to happen (anything!), trying to figure out what's wrong with me, wishing to shut myself in my room and blasting music all day long, and hoping tomorrow wouldn't come at all. If I were to buy the whole postmodern thing, I'd say I've been thrust into a meaningless and fractured world, were meanings, identity and everything I knew were just mere constructs. But that's too literary. I just want something to happen! Anything!

I know right, what a Drama Queen.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

This is actually one of my favourite parts of The Fellowship of the Ring, because Aragorn is such a cool character. I like stoic people, okay? Actually my favourite part is just "not all who wander are lost", because of some weird reason which I don't really know. Whatever. And with that, I shall leave. I may blog again, before I turn twenty, but that'll depend on how depressed I am. Actually, I may be wrong about the cathartic thing I mentioned earlier, because I'm feeling a little better now. Oh, remember the "Things to do before I turn 20" list? I counted, and I did about 15 of the 40 things on the list. I didn't "5. Buy and wear a dress to an outing", "2. Bake something awesome", "11. Make a geek friend", "29. Finish LOTR series", "43. Get keyssssssssss" (remember how I'm always griping about not having house keys?), "8. Fall in love", "12. Learn some C++ or Java", or even "32. Guitar Hero!". I guess it just goes to show you that turning twenty isn't the end-all, and also that my goals are really quite insipid. Oh well. At least I got a job (40), joined a CCA (34), did not fall in love (9), and learned some French (4). It's cool. I did some things.

But I really had hoped that I'd get house keys, because it means something to me. It's not just keys; it's symbolic. But nope.

Oh, and because one of the items on the list is to express my love and gratitude for my friends, here goes nothin'! Well. Despite us not really meeting up much this entire semester, I still love you guys to bits. Especially you overseas people, you wouldn't know how much I miss you all. Sometimes in the middle of the night when I can't sleep I wish I could just send a message to you and whine about stuff, because we're all a bunch of whiners who tolerate and love each other. But now I can't, and it feels kinda weird if I were to message other people. Tempting, but weird.

So, whoever you are, if you're my friend, I love you to bits for putting up with all my shit. :D

Okay, dinner (it's 6). See you at the flip side!

Just the way you are

2010-12-05T01:44:00.000+08:00

HAHA

I'm Superman with the wind in his back

2010-12-04T23:37:00.007+08:00

Some of you may have heard these: Google Translate Beatbox

It's, um, interesting I guess. Just listen to it. I don't know; I was bored when I heard it so to me it's pretty amusing.

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

At Choo's send-off last year. Didn't notice that Jamie photobomb.

One of the summer outings. Yeah technically it's already December but I don't have very recent photos unless you count the blur and too-dark Halloween one in which I apparently looked sleazy.

Obviously I'm much less tan. Gross. I hate being all white. I was buying an iPod cover from some rental stall in NUS (it sucked btw. Don't ever buy cheap iPod cases from school) and the seller was making small talk, and he was like "You're really white" (in Mandarin) and I was like "Uh yeah" + grimace. WTF am I that white that people notice? Do I ~*sparkle*~ in the sunlight? D: Yes, that ~*sparkle*~ is really lame.

They're showing Superman Returns on Channel 5. That's nice. But they're splitting it into two parts. When is Mediacorp going to learn that splitting a movie into two parts reduces viewers' watching pleasure by at least 50%*?

*Based on serious research

Okay, when Channel 5 starts showing Hair Matters 101, you know you don't have any more shows to watch tonight. Bye!

PS I'm so depressed that my Birthday is coming. Oh the horror!

Boom boom boom

2010-12-04T22:08:00.003+08:00

Day 29—Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Hmm. Like, next year? When I'm 20 and old? I guess I hope I wouldn't have wrinkles. I know, how shallow, but reallyyyyyy noooooo I don't want to grow old and die! D:

Immaturity aside, I sincerely hope I speak a bit more next year, because although I have to overcome incredible inertia to speak (hate it) and every time I say something remotely stupid I'll recall the conversation over and over again to check to see how stupid it sounded. Speaking=making friends, and even though I'm not hard up for some new friends it's kinda nice to talk to people sometimes. Not all the time though. Oh another hope is that I grow out of my "leave me alone" phase, where in tutorials I'll strive really hard to not make any acquaintances and seat alone. No kidding, even when people seat next to me in some classes, I'll make it a point to not seat beside them the next lesson. I have issues, and sadly I don't think it's a phase.

Dreams next year? I'll not say anything because most probably it'll be like "not do my essays at the last minute", or "put in more effort", but you know I won't. I don't put in effort into things I don't deem very important, and right now I don't really care about anything I'm studying. Yeah it's interesting sometimes, but lately it's more of a daily grind sort of thing. Oh, and hopefully there wouldn't be too many Saturday choir practices, because really, choir on Saturdays? Gross.

Plans? I DON'T MAKE PLANS, SUCKAS. Plans to go out, maybe, but not unfun plans which involve achieving goals and the shit.

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

My wallet, my umbrella, my iPod, my waterbottle, a book if I'm going to be on a train (but I'll usually sleep), some hair pins (always. My hair's really bad), mints or sweets; boring stuff.

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Well, y'know, they're an awesome bunch. Sometimes they can be aggravating (so can I, honestly), but I love them all the same. You know who you are.

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

At first it was to prove that I can finish one of these pesky 30 day things. Then it became handy when I don't have anything to blog about. Oh, and really, it's not much of a challenge.

I just watched an episode of Vampire Diaries, and it's not half as bad as I thought it would be (because really, teenage vampires? Again? Get over it already). They're showing 9 Lives on Okto, which is some pseudo-artsy series about 9 pseudo-artsy individuals. Because Singaporeans really speak with that phony American accent. Whoop-dee-doo! Oh, and bad acting.

Once again I'm feeling under-stimulated and filled with ennui. Which is why I'm an adrenaline junkie with roller coasters and theme park rides and things going really fast while I'm trying not to break my neck. Which is why I don't even mind clubbing with all its sweat and stink and mass of gyrating bodies, because it's just an excuse to get your adrenaline pumped up. Maybe I should try the exercising thing because apparently it's stimulating to some extent. I feel like cycling. But not on roads and slopes, I still haven't quite gotten over that trauma-induced fear. Darn. `

It's really lucky I'm living in Singapore with decent friends because if I weren't, and had bad-influence friends, I'd probably end up as an alcoholic. If not alcohol, then some other vices. Right now my choice of vice is sloth ad occasional greed. If you let me free I'd find other new vices, because I lack self-control. :O

But right now, Pokémon's my main choice of sloth. Speaking of which, smell ya later! *Gary's obnoxious theme da da da da da da da da dum dum*

I feel happy inside

2010-12-02T21:30:00.003+08:00

I beat the Elite Four + Gary Oak but because I never could save my game, I couldn't proceed any further. Therefore, sadly, I cannot get the National Pokédex and I won't ever get to beat the Team Rocket people situated at Mount Ember. That is, unless I start a new game under a different save file, because according to the internet, I'd have to change the save settings to Flash 128K to actually save the game in-game. Before that I just saved it on the emulator at the Flash 64K setting. Curse it! So I downloaded another FireRed rom and am starting it over again. Good thing I like Pokémon.

But anyway, just for fun:

My awesome party! I don't usually use Pokémon like Butterfree at such late stages of the game, but this time I'm all for nostalgia, so my party includes most of the Pokémon you see Ash having in the Anime. And I don't usually use the Pidgey line much, but Pidgey's the first one I caught, and she's (yes, it's a she) actually quite an awesome fighter in her final stage. Plus she doesn't get affected by Gengar's ghost attacks, so.

Anyway, what's your favourite Generation I starter? I know this technically is Generation III, but it's still a remake of Red Version. I've always really liked Charmander/Charizard, because Charizard looks like a badass. And he can totally kick Venusaur's ass and maybe even defeat Blastoise with some Flying-type attacks. Plus Blastoise and Venusaur just look fat beside it. Oh, and Fire-type's sexy. The only Grass-type starter I had was in Gold Version, because I thought Chikorita looked the cutest. Anyway I just started a new game, and this time my Charmander had a "RASH" personality, unlike my previous one which was "GENTLE". Why all-caps? Because that's how it's written in the game.

And there's Gary Oak. Looking all zhuai with this "I'm better than you" pose. I like the credits scene for FireRed, especially the part with the Team Rocket theme music. Awesome.

Time to play some Diamond. But only after:

Day 28—This year, in great detail

Riight. This year. Well.

Last semester I was staying in hall. Now I've got to travel to school from Pasir Ris every single flipping school day. In comparison, I'd say I totally miss staying in hall, but I don't want to be in such debt (because the hall fees are exorbitant) before I even start work, so no hall for me. Besides, I'm trying to build up a long period of home-stay so that it's easier to persuade my parents to let me go on SEP. It's a plan, people! Last semester I had several group works. This semester I had none. Therefore, not too many new Facebook friends, but every grade I earned is my own, so I'm not complaining. Last semester I stayed up till 3 am in hall regularly, painting and building sets. This semester I stayed up till 3 am regularly, doing nothing productive (not too dissimilar). Last semester I was hanging out with more boys than girls, this semester I hung out with my invisible friends. Last semester I wasn't in any NUS-based CCA; this semester I'm in the NUS Choir. Weird though, I would never in a million years have thought that I would sign up for a CCA. I worked at The Company during the holidays, but before that I went to Hong Kong with my friends. It was awesome (both experiences, but in different ways), and I really learnt a whole lot during the stint as a journalist.

This year, I turn twenty. I guess this whole year has been about not wanting to turn twenty. But this year, I'm probably going to learn that it's okay to turn twenty. Not yet though.

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Really? I'm not a sentimental person usually. But okay:

Dear parents:

Although I'm a prick and a pain and I don't usually open up to you all, I appreciate everything you've done throughout my twenty years on this Earth, and I love you guys.

Love,
Vivien

Of course I'm not going to bare my soul here. I only do that when it doesn't involve familial stuff. It's too weird for me.

Okayyyyyy back to lazing around playing games. Au revoir!

Well I'm the geek (in the pink)

2010-12-02T20:09:00.002+08:00

After copious amounts of Lemonade and Hyper Potions, I finally beat Lance! Oh my flippin' gosh! On to Gary. Sorry for my nerdisms.

Look me in the eyeball

2010-12-01T23:50:00.003+08:00

Howdy! I was at one of those geeky internet sites and they were talking about browsers. Right now my default browser is Chrome because even though Google is untrustworthy in some ways, its browser is incredibly fast, and I like how it looks sleek and clean. I still use FF along with it though, because I love how FF seems more friendly. Anyway, I decided to download the beta version of IE9 because a few people were raving about how it's much better than IE8 (Durh), and because I wanted to indulge in a few nerdy pursuits to kill my boredom.

After restarting my computer (because it's a Windows thing) I fiddled around with the browser. It took just a tiny bit slower than Chrome in loading- really, just a tiny, tiny bit, which makes it faster than FF already- and it has some potentially good add-ons. I then loaded this blog on it, but it looked a bit wonky with all the wrong alignments because the skinner(?) probably didn't test it on IE. Still, it's Beta, so I should cut it some slack. After that I visited Geekologie, because it's one of my favourited sites on both FF and Chrome, and I realised just how many FLASH! ads there were. I never really saw them in FF/Chrome because of Adblocker, but that just means I need to get IE9 add-ons. It's already miles better than pesky IE7/8 though. But I'd stick to FF/Chrome for now.

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Actually, as (slightly) misanthropic as I am, I think every individual is different. Even though there are all those pessimistic theories out there about the commodification of media and choice in the consumerist/capitalist society which creates psuedo-individuality, I think it's not that bad. People aren't that mindless and homogeneous, in my opinion. I know sometimes I'm mean-spirited and think humans are all stupid, but given our faults and general stupidity, we're actually already trying our best to not be mindless and stupid, and that deserves some applause, no?

/Digress. What makes me different? I don't know, honestly. I guess it's a combination of several of my traits and/or idiosyncrasies. Maybe part of it is my inherent introversion, and another would be my disdain for the elitist system and my general undissipated angst. I don't know why, but I still haven't mellowed despite almost being twenty. I really don't know, but it's obvious I'm different from "everyone else". Everyone is different from "everyone else", even if they have the same faith job environment education. It's all in the nuances, people.

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Sashimi. Ever since I had this awesome sashimi in Japan when I was ten I've been having random cravings for raw fish. I guess it turned on something primal within me. I've never been able to resist slices of fresh(-ish) raw fish. But as of today I haven't been able to find something as good as the first sashimi I had. Probably my memory playing tricks on me, but I think I won't be able to die in peace if I never taste such good sashimi again. Truth.

Oh, just realised something awesome. Because IE9 is integrated with my operating system I can open folders by typing the commands into the browser bar. Nice. Okay, shall leave now; I'm feeling really sleepy for some reason. Tomorrow, I shall either watch Glee or go on a packing rampage (oxymoron). Bonne nuit!

Living is easy with eyes closed

2010-12-01T22:15:00.004+08:00

Day 26—Your week, in great detail

It's only Wednesday, and you really don't want to read about my lacklustre life in great detail. Thus, a brief outline. On Monday I had my English Literature exam, two essays in two hours, which sounds pretty easy, but after spending one hour and five minutes on my first double text essay, I realised that when you have too much to write it isn't a really good thing either. Oh, and I was almost late for the exam because for some reason 96 took a really long time to reach NUS and I had a severe stomachache before the exam. In the end I reached the venue with two minutes to spare, but it's not fun to see everyone already seated. So after the exam the person sitting in front of me whose name I do not know started making some small talk about modules and the texts, and after a few minutes the papers were all collected and I WAS FREE. I went to Tampines 1 to buy my sister's birthday present.

Then you already know how I spent the whole of yesterday.

And today we went to TEO HENG, then, following the tradition, we had dinner at Aston's. I had steak to boost my iron count. Probably didn't help, but I like steak. Oh, and Soot May introduced as to a Tagalog song, which was nothing short of hilarious. But I've said enough, betchu'all are jealous already, shall stop.

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

What. Actually, unlike most girls (generalisation), I haven't really thought of myself as a married person. I don't think I can stand living with a guy and seeing him every single bleeding day. I mean sure, it's nice to talk to some guys occasionally, but living with just one and seeing the same person every day? In a closed environment? With the possibility of having screaming children and nagging mother-in-laws? Working in Hoya for the rest of my life sounds less aggravating. But I love children though. They're so cute and squeezable, especially those little babies you see on MRT Trains, with their big eyes and dazed gazes, a-dor-a-ble. If I ever end up not getting married I'd adopt a bunch of babies (that ain't never had sh*t). I was quoting Billionaire anyway. Darned Teo Heng still doesn't have that song.

Just realised I didn't really answer the question. I guess I don't really know? I've never been in a relationship (unlike a certain someone freezing her butt off somewhere across some ocean) even though I'm almost twenty. I've had a few schoolgirl crushes but those are like, schoolgirl crushes. I've a few guy friends but not one I'm attracted to that way and they'd probably not be interested in me that way because when I speak to guy's I'm one of those "one of the guys" type, all "Dude. Like wtf man", because remember, I like behaving like a guy. Although I'm sure guys don't actually say "Dude. Like wtf man." I'm really picky when it comes to qualities too. Nah, not really, I've only got one really important one, which is that he must be able to hold an intelligent/possibly funny conversation of any topic which I may be interested in, which means he can't be a dumbass himbo. That's all. Pretty much. I guess.

Honestly, I don't think any guy in the right mind would like me, because when I'm in my equilibrium state I'm usually not verbose, I don't giggle or speak loudly while socialising with a large group of friends (unless I am giggling or speaking loudly while socialising with my group of friends, but then no guy in his right mind would approach a girl from a large girl group while in said girl group, because that's like nuts), I have an extremely scary and off-putting poker face (p-p-p-pokerface p-p-pokerface), I don't speak to anyone unless I have to, I'm quiet and seem to be in disdain of everyone around me (everyone I don't know, that is), I play too much Pokémon, I read too much and speak too little, and yeah, you get the idea. My point is, who's crazy enough to want to marry me and my slightly misanthropic idiosyncrasies? No one, that's who. But I like it that I'm so gl. I'M GL AND PROUD OF IT. Someone should make a badge of that and give it to me.

So, to answer Day 20's request, I don't see myself marrying anyone for now. Happy?

Day 27—This month, in great detail

Really? It's the first of December (countdown to my day of turning old begins), so I shall make it November. To kill you all. Right, soooooooo. The last month can be summed as as such: school, choir, home. No kidding. Oh, and Exams. That's about it. I can't remember much of it though, because generally it was colourless. Oh how the great has fallen!

Not really.

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Pardon this spamming of the 30-day thing, I'm trying to complete it by my birthday.

I honestly LOVE Teo Heng and these people. Including photographer Chip. ♥

I'm torn now between playing FireRed and surfing the web. Will do both, probably. Later, peoples.

Dream of californication

2010-12-01T00:04:00.002+08:00

Day 24—Whatever tickles your fancy

Last night I had the funkiest, weirdest dream for a long time. First it was just one of those run-of-the-mill nightmares, one where I got back my NUS finals results, which were A (French, I don't know why either), B (for my NM module), U (for literature) and Z (for the South Asian module which I totally blew). I don't even know what the frag a Z grade is, but it freaked me out. Then I woke up (from the shock, I think) and went to pee. When I came back I slept and had another weird dream. This one involved us going to a concert and getting invited onstage to dance to Far East Movements "Like a G6". In case you haven't had the luck (or rather, un-luck) to hear that song, I advise you not to, because it's one of the more irritating songs I've heard in a while. Seriously. Anyway, we went on the stage and were told we had to dance wearing cowboy hats (why?), so we chose some and started singing the song. And dancing. Suddenly, it became a set for some Taiwanese variety show and we had to introduce ourselves in Mandarin. Having not used the language in a long time, I stumbled over the words and managed to sound like a bimbo. And I was thinking "Hope my dad doesn't see this on TV".

I can't remember anything else. And by the way, I can't really remember who "we" were, but I am very sure Xumei and Soke May were in the group, and they were hilarious when choosing the cowboy hats. As usual.

I woke up feeling very disturbed though, something disturbing must have happened in the dream which I cannot remember.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Hmm. I won't say I'm a very goal-oriented person, because I'm just not cut out for goal-setting. My short-term goal would be not to die, because, you know, I still want to live. Plans? I plan to apply for SEP again next semester, but with lower expectations this time. I mean, five out of all five choices were to UK or US universities, and my CAP really isn't that good (yet!). So the next time I'd put some obscure university in some far-flung corner off the Earth, but hopefully isn't crazy expensive. Because most of the far-flung universities are located in Europe, which means crazy high standards of living, which I cannot afford. I mean, yes, I'd probably be using my parent's money (D:) but because I'm planning to return them everything I owe for this university education, I'd be in debt before I even start working. How's that for reality, huh?

Dreams. I love dreams. Oh wait, you're not talking about those you have when you sleep? Okay. Uh. I did/do have dreams, some rather far-fetched ones, like becoming a spy (early childhood, when my sister and I played those make-believe games and made up our secret codes for all things secret and spy-a-licious), becoming a comic book artist (inspired largely by Sailormoon), becoming a writer (because writing is probably the one thing I do when procrastinating which is productive, and just because reading and writing are two of the things I love the most, besides slacking), and most recently, becoming a journalist (but after the stint I realise I'd probably die prematurely from the inherent stress of the job, and probably also die an unloved spinster). No kidding about the stress part: if I have an interview scheduled on Friday I'd start freaking out about it on Monday, like "What questions do I ask?", "What if I piss the person off?", or my favourite, "What if I get lost and cannot find the venue on time and the Universe implodes?". So, dreams. It's important to have them, isn't it? By the way, being the judgmental person I am, I don't think "earning as much money as possible" qualifies as a dream, because that is utterly selfish and consumerist. However, if you want to "earn as much money as possible to make the lives of my parents and my future offspring better", that's more like it. But in case I go off into the elitist tailspin again, I shall find some inner peace.

OM.

Right, so.

Day 25—Your day, in great detail

Seriously? You don't want to know. I spent the most of today playing Pokémon FireRed. I beat Giovanni today, and am stuck at the Elite Four, before Lance. I'm beginning to think it's impossible to beat the Elite Four with a party of Pokémon averaging level 46. I mean, Lance's Aerodactyl is flippin' level 58, and his Dragonite, with all its "HYPERBEAM BLARGGHHHHHH" one-hit KO power, is at level 60. Crazy, my Level 51 (the highest one in my party) Pikachu can't even put a dent into its HP. Right, so I'm pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place. Back to training then!

Oh then I took a break for dinner (didn't have lunch! That's how much I'm into playing Pokémon) and watched some TV. And then played it again. I spent a hell lot of time trying to beat the first three of the Elite Four, and it seems like Lance is going to be my personal Waterloo, unless something miraculous happens. That pretty much sums up my interesting day.

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Chronologically then:

1. Vivi, which is basically the term of endearment (>__>) my Primary School best friends used.

2. Viv, which was also used in Primary School, which was what some guys called me, because it suited my toughnuts Tomboy image.

3. 猪肉嫂: coined by a Secondary 1/2 classmate whom I still bear a minor grudge (I'm petty, so sue me) against, it was used during the years during which I was downtrodden and slightly bullied. Probably because I was a) fat, b) unconcerned about the way I look, and c) quiet because some people aren't worth talking to. But you know what, I'm glad I have experienced some sort of bullying, because it gives me some personal experience/backstory to draw upon next time in life, and it gave me a different perspective to look from. I don't know, sometimes those popular people don't know what it's like to be, well, unpopular. And you don't develop such a tough exterior/disdain for stupidity without going through some small sort of personal hell, so thanks a lot, classmate whom I bear a personal grudge against! Your 14 year-old stupidity made me who I am (bitter, grudging, you get it).

4. Heng-jie. This was in Sec3/4, when I wasn't as quiet and closed. I don't know how I got this nickname though. One moment you're Vivien, going up tot he board to draw a population pyramid, and the next Xumei's calling you "Heng jie", which soon caught on.

5. Bloody Heng, which was what Yunxuan apparently called me behind my back. (LOL)

6. Vomiting Vivien. If you need me to explain this, you don't know me enough at all.

7. Girl: This should be number one, because that's what my mum calls me. My dad/aunts all call me by my Chinese name, though. Wonder why.

Anyway, a note about bullying. You know how I was in the class with the worst cases of bullying? I've always felt really bad that I never did anything about it, even though I didn't personally participate in it. But what's really horrible is that even teachers couldn't or didn't do anything about it. I know out form teacher knew about it, and she tried to intervene, but it probably made the bullying worse. I wasn't even bullied much, compared to that. It was just some small name-calling and laughing, but that was mostly it (I think). I don't even know what it really feels to be bullied full-scale. But enough about that depressing topic, one social ill at a time, yeah? Besides, bullying's just a way people establish the pecking order, cruel as it seems, because as much as humans have progressed technologically/scientifically/literary-wise, we're still stuck in behaviours predetermined by evolution, as as a species we haven't really evolved since the start of civilisation, so it's difficult to stem this problem unless we're like Pokémon, you know, able to evolve as an individual entity. In some ways, if we consider how we've been stagnant in terms of evolutions, we're not really that awesome after all. We seek constant improvement in life but we never really remove ourselves from our in-born animalistic ways.

I'm not depressed or anything, just puzzled as to why humans see themselves as the superior species when most of us still succumb to our basal nature, especially when our world-views are still narrow and close-minded. Yes, we have organised thoughts and made great progress in some areas, but in other areas we're still the stupid, primal beings ruled by our instincts. This would be an apt part to say something about N. Korea and their "Gotta Nuke'em All!" actions, but I don't really know enough about that. Except that it's freaking senseless and the authoritarian rule by a crazy dictator is really an example of power-hungry individuals grabbing on to their basal, violent tendencies while subjugating innocent citizens. The world is nuts.

I shall now undergo a 180 degree change, because somethings are better left unthought. TEO HENG TOMORROW! IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME, YOU KNOW IT, BABY!

Okay bai.

And I'm like fuck you, and fuck her too

2010-11-28T21:15:00.005+08:00

Day 22—A website

This being the internet and you people being internet-savvy people, I'd say you've probably seen the likes of xkcd, Geekologie and other awesome sites. So here's one very, very creepy (if you think you're being stalked) website where you can stalk a person and all his or her web-based activities based on his or her email address. I mean it only works for those sites which don't really provide security and keep your email hidden from searches, like, I don't know, Friendster. But it's still nice to see how much the internet knows of you.

So: Pipl.com, if you're into stalking and all that. I stalked myself, and found out that I still haven't deleted my Friendster account, which is totally lame. Considering how I've only got 33 friends and Friendster is so 2004. So I deleted it, of course. Then I searched for myself on pipl and realised that information was still there! Glad to know the internet is forever. Oh, and guess what, I do have a LiveJournal account. Who knew? But I never posted a single thing. Nice to keep your options open though.

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Yay. This was when we went out during the summer vacation (I have no idea what it's called. Summer break? Three month slack fest?) to watch a movie(?) I think. Either way we had overpriced coffee after whatever we did, the staple of our too-rich, too-spoilt generation. And yes, it's the vest again. I haven't worn it for months though. Vests look better when the person has a boyish figure, and I don't have one unfortunately. I don't know, I would kill to have one of those skinny no-boobs androgynous look but noooooo, because I'm fat. I mean clothes which would look absolutely cheap (in the other, non-monetary sense) would look positively good (duh. Positively good. Redundant adjective is redundant) on a person with the boyish body structure. And because it's always been my childhood dream to look like/act like a boy, it's absolutely sad that I'd end up looking nothing like one.

No, seriously, it'd be quite a compliment if someone were to say I looked like a boy. I mean, in the past before all the stupid hormones and stuff. Because I strived (strived is correct, dumbass americano spellcheck!) to look like a boy and to be mistaken as one would mean I have perfected it, and that would have been awesome. But of course, no. I've been mistaken as a mum (from the back, when I was in Primary 5. It was the most mortifying thing in the world. Oh, and when I went to the bank opposite my house to cancel my "children's account", the woman was like "Oh, how old are your children?" and I was like wtf), as another person (I don't know, those random people who are like "(Some name which isn't yours)?" and you're like "Uhhh."), as a person younger than 19 (this year), but not once as a boy/male. Not even when I was young and boob-less. How is that fair?! I wore board shorts and big t-shirts every single day, and all those bad sartorial choices for nothing.

Anyway, I was feeling hopelessly depressed today, so I talked to Chip on Facebook, stumbled a lot, and just whiled my time away on the internet. And then I realised I was just being a mopey ass because life isn't all that bad. At least I wasn't working full-time at Hoya or something like that. And at least I'm not living in a country where Sarah Palin can run for and may become President. I mean seriously, that woman doesn't know a thing she's talking about. No, really:

Couric: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries, allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy, instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

Palin: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping - it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes, and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans.

And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today.

We've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

Come on, I'm all for girl power, all those feminist theories about the male-gaze and subjugation and whatever (sorry, I don't really know too much about feminist theories, except that feminists don't burn bras. According to Vina), and the whole not-sticking-to-what-society-dictates thing, but seriously, if that bimbo becomes President, it'll really mean the world is ending.

Never mind that.

Day 23—A YouTube video

Neil Patrick Harris! He is awesome. Neil Patrick Harris + Elmo = BEST

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Hmm. I'd want to switch lives with someone whose life is more interesting and less boring than mine. Which is like, almost everybody, so anybody would do. Gah.

But enough of this self-loathing. I'd spiral if I keep on with it. And when I spiral, bad things happen- I either stop eating proper meals or start binging like mad, then I'd fail horribly at the iron test; I'd start having insomnia and feeling horribly lethargic when I'm awake; I'd start overthinking everything and spiraling into a deeper funk; etc etc. So, no spiraling! You're happy, and you better act that way dammit!

Well, have to sleep early, 9am paper tomorrow, the worst sort of paper if you're not staying in hall. I miss that, the liberty to go to bed late and wake up fifteen minutes before lessons begin. I still go to bed late, but now I have to wake up two hours before lessons, and that is taking a toll on my mental state. And my body, but I don't really care too much about that for now. Youth is wasted on the young. Not that I'm that young. Fuck I don't want to turn twenty. Sorry for the vulgar title. It's a song. That makes it okay.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

2010-11-24T13:52:00.003+08:00

I'm reading the papers, and the front page headline of Home was "Students write own graduation testimonials". Apparently, people don't know that students write their own testimonials. :O That's a look of shock, by the way. So anyway, nothing wrong with that revelation, except the part where they say

But school heads who were interviewed refuted claims by students and stressed that the testimonials are the work of their teachers.

and also,

the drafts the students hand in are to make sure that the teachers include as far as possible all the student's activities and achievements.

But the tone and comments on the student's strengths and traits still come from the teacher.

Yeah, totally, if the "tone and comments on" means "copy and paste of". The bullshit school PRs come up with. Testimonials are almost totally written by students, and teachers add almost nothing of worth to them, because honestly, who has the time right? Schools burden the teachers so much and now they have to edit drafts of incompetent students too? Hell naw. And I'm not being scathing here, I mean teachers have got to be the most overworked bunch of people in the world. You have to deal with people (not only people, teenage people too. Teenagers are the worst), you have to set papers, you have to mark papers, you have to deal with people mocking you. Even though I absolutely loathed some teachers (actually, teacher), I respect their choice to become teachers. It takes guts and a certain sacrifice to do so.

What really irks me is that the schools, instead of saying "YEAH WE ASK STUDENTS TO WRITE TESTIMONIALS SO WHAT SUCK IT UP LOSERS!", lie through their teeth. And this report stems from the parent news that the fallen ex-scholar's testimonial had no mention of his peeping-into-girl's-room-get-ass-pwned-by-cane incident, which MOE is totally blaming for their screw up "OH THE TEACHERS DIDN'T SAY THAT HIS ASS GOT PWNED SO WE CHOSE HIM HUR HUR IT'S THEIR FAULT NOT OURS". Oh please, isn't the entire system created by you? It's like blaming your arm for accidentally downloading 50 videos of child porn ("BAD ARM! IT'S YOUR FAULT, NOT MINE!").

And Straits Times, and also probably TNP, must be having a field day (field days) with all these scandalous MOE news. If there's one thing journalists hate it's having to communicate with PR government people, and here's a nice bitch-slap for all the grief they've caused, collecting all those quotes and bits of information which pretty much serve as a middle finger to the system, like "Screw you and your bureaucracy! I've got more dirt to dish". Don't you just love news which undermines the system, even if it's only a small hiccup (because honestly, the PR machine of the system can't be beat).

When I'm older, I want to own a dog. Not one of those puny ones, but a really cool, friendly large dog. My sister's afraid of dogs though. Okay time to take a nap. Bye.

Megalomania

2010-11-22T21:49:00.001+08:00

"In general, says Robert McPeek, director of research at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type, introverts are more self-critical than others—but also more realistic in their self-assessments."

Hell yeah. I knew all humans were stupid and doomed to misery. And I've been wasting time on the internet for the past hour or so, and that's horrible. D: But if you're into reading about introverts like I am (stumbledupon it, I don't Google that; not that big a freak), here's something.

Okay bye.

Somewhere, beyond the sea

2010-11-22T16:01:00.002+08:00

I cannot resist the Internet. I've been checking out random bookmarked sites and Facebook intermittently while trying to study. I'm at Lecture 5 now (7 more to go, I think), and I need to blog! I need to tell people things! I knew I should have went to White Sands to study. I don't function well with a laptop in front of me. Ugh.

Day 21—A recipe

Well. I'm not much of a cook (haven't cooked proper food since Sec 2, and eggs/instant noodles don't count), but I have made cheesecake before. Anyway I found this recipe for Peanut Butter Cheesecake online, and it's NO-BAKE! I love no-bake stuff, because, durh, you don't have to use much time then. So:

No-Bake Peanut Butter Cheesecake

1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated milk)
1 cup (1/2 pt.) cold whipping cream, whipped
1-2/3 cups (10-oz. pkg.) Peanut Butter Chips
Chocolate Crumb Crust (recipe follows)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Sliced, fresh fruit (optional)

Prepare Chocolate Crumb Crust. In large bowl, beat cream cheese with lemon juice until fluffy. In medium saucepan, combine peanut butter chips and sweetened condensed milk; stir constantly over low heat until chips are melted and mixture is smooth. Add to cream cheese mixture; blend well. In small bowl, beat whipping cream until stiff. Fold into cream cheese mixture. Pour over crust. Cover; refrigerate until firm. Garnish as desired. Makes 12 servings.

Chocolate Crumb Crust
1-1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/4 cup cocoa
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted

In small bowl, stir together crumbs, cocoa, powdered sugar and butter. Press firmly onto bottom of 9-inch springform pan.

Yum. I don't know if it looks good, since the site has no photographic evidence of a would-be delicious cake, but the name itself sounds good.

Speaking of cakes, we haven't met up since the Halloween thing, and the turnout for that was pretty abysmal. I'm sorry for not planning the birthday things, but you're all so busy and stuff, I didn't think anyone would want to go out at all.

Right, so anyway.

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

First things first, this list contains songs from my playlist, not my entire collection, just because.

1. Time for Miracles, Adam Lambert

Hopefully it is, because I"m so screwed.

2. Welcome to the Black Parade, My Chemical Romance

First, OH SHIT THIS IS AN OMEN, and yes, it's such an emo old song, but I recently found it in my library, and I was like, why not?

3. Hot N Cold, Katy Perry

No kidding, it's really "N" instead of and.

4. Bad Romance, Glee Cast

Love this.

5. Love Drunk, Boyslikegirls

"I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover". I don't know, it's so teenage-y.

6. Spiderwebs, No Doubt

Featured in Guitar Hero: World Tour.

7. Everlong, Foo Fighters

Foo Fighter's the shit, yo. Especially the awesome hobo-like, shout-aholic lead singer whose name I don't know. Oh. Dave Grohl. Like, Growl. He was from Nirvana! That explains the certain whiff of hobo-ness around him.

8. I'm All Over It, Jamie Cullum

British, huh?

9. King of Anything, Sara Bareilles

It's one of those typical girl-power, flipping off the people who don't believe in you song. Without the autotuning, of course. And I like her, her songs are kewl.

10. Beyond the Sea, Bobby Darin

Mostly because of Finding Nemo, and that version isn't even sung by this guy. I've also got the French version of the song, La Mer.

All right, now I've really got to study! Not much daylight left!

"And never again I'll go sailing."