Vivien ♀ Twenty one (21) English Literature Major ✎ A Gleek ♬ I love you like a love song

For the record the previous post was 2228 words long and took me two hours to complete. It's 3 in the morning now, and I really have to sleep. Of course, in between I did random internet stuff. But even you can't deny that I have the gift for producing a lot of crap in a short period of time. That's my gift. The gift of crap (as opposed to gab. See, a pun! What fun! A rhyme! Bells chime!).

Okay, really. Sleep. Bonne suit! Au revoir! À Bientôt! Salut! J'aime dormir!

Bonsoir! Technically it's already 1 in the morning, which means I should probably be saying bonjour. But enough about my attempts at bad French. Je ne suis pas francaise, je sui singapourienne. What's giving me a headache is the whole masculine/feminine thing. Why is a painting (peinture) feminine? Why are doctors (médecin) typically a male term? And, more importantly, if everything has a gender, how am I supposed to remember them all?

I think I'm lacking sleep. Almost every night I sleep around 2 in the morning. It's not like I'm even studying or doing anything remotely productive. In fact I don't do anything. Just mooch around using the internets or watching Desperate Housewives. I would be stuck in a rut and schlep around again if not for the fact that I'm not in the mood to be all pissed off and childish. Sometimes I'm so sick of my being sorry for myself and full of pompous self-pity (oh woe is me! I am a tragic hero!) that I end up feeling even worse than before.

But it's surprising how things usually aren't so bad. I was stuck in a rut because I was absolutely dreading choir. I don't know if it was the antisocial streak in me, the fear of that sterile efficiency (no talking in practices! Honestly), or just the fact that I don't want to stay in NUS until 9.30pm and reach home at 11 feeling drained and worrying about whether I should print out the slides. Oh, and the fact that for this terrible module I took, NM2102, I haven't gotten a tutorial slot. I've since dropped it, so right now I have four modules only. My stream-of-conscious mind is spewing a slew of choice swear words, with the mildest being "bloody". You wouldn't want to read that junk (not like you don't get enough junk here).

But the nice NM lady was telling me if I wanted to take another module she'll see what she can do about it next week. It's highly stressful, plus I don't get back the 600+ points I sunk into that horrible, horrible module. It's so horrible I don't know what to think. If I dig deep enough I think I may just break down into one of my self-pitying soliloquies again. The thing about literature students is that they are just so dramatic, huh? I'm thinking that this failure to get the tutorial means that the fates are telling me not to do communications and new media. You see, I like the tubes and studying about cultural impacts as much as the next internet addict (which I'm not, really. No I'm not going into rehab, you biatch!), but really, there are modules on public relations, public relations policies (thou shalt not lie?), advertising (hell to the no, a module on perpetuating consumerist ideals?), and the works. All of which I don't believe in, let alone like. The modules on interactive storytelling - I have no idea what that is, let me make it clear - and cybercrimes sound interesting enough - also interesting is the use of the word "cyber", which I read online (some time ago) perpetuates the idea of something unknown and scary, like "cyberbullying". Oh, and "cyberspace", who still uses that (Look ma! I'm on cyberspace!)? And of course, specially for Koh and Choo, cybersex.

But since the official term includes that very quaint word, I shall not argue it. It's true that bullying does occur online, and would have great impacts on people if they a) use their real (IRL, IKR!) identities and thus have their lives compromised, or b) are extremely easy to get trolled. And it is serious if it leads to loss of lives through suicide. Um, I pretty much lost my point somewhere there, in any case, what I was saying is that these modules sound interesting enough, but really, statistics? Hypothesis testing? You can see by my exaggerated usage of italics that I really don't like that sort of social sciences crap. But I guess they do need to fulfill the "sciences" part. Otherwise it would look like some sort of a pseudo-science. And honestly babe, it's not much of a science.

Speaking of which, I remember I went for this experiment for a professor's research just yesterday (Thursday). It was for the module which I unfortunately had to drop (sob). Anyways, if you had taken PL1101E, it was sort of like those research projects you had to take part (aka do surveys) in to pass the module. So I was happily went in, thinking it would be a short and simple survey to fill in. The thing wasn't short; it took me a good half an hour at least. So we were supposed to look at pictures and rate your reactions (including whether you were feeling positive, negative and aroused(?)). I didn't think much of "arouse", but in the middle of viewing nondescript pictures of flowers and furniture, out popped a few of couples in the middle of some romantic tryst. And by that I mean naked romantic trysts, of course. It was mildly interesting and different, to say the least.

I couldn't fathom what those had to do with the type of mobile phone you own though.

I still cannot believe I only have four modules. I better find one to squeeze myself into. D: If not I'd have to do 6 modules next semester, and seriously I think the effort would kill me, since I have to travel almost 2 hours every single flippin' day. That's what you get for not staying in hall, but at $90 per semester it's almost like daylight robbery, and since I'm not earning any income now I can only rely on my parents to pay for the hostel fees and no way in hell am I doing that. It's bad enough that I still get an allowance (IKR, LOSER. But I'm loose with my money and I'm not made to work part-time while I study. I would literally curl up and die from the responsibilities. LITERALLY; I'm weak), I wouldn't want to have hostel fees on my conscience (and debt, since I'm planning to pay my parents back when I start work; again, quoting Kurtz: "The horror, the horror!"). And by my rough calculation I'd need at least a lifetime a whole year to pay them back. Just kidding, I didn't calculate, that was just a random number.

Whoa, I've really digressed a lot. I haven't finished my point about dreading choir. I realise the wait for something is usually much worse than the actual thing. I learnt that in Tabby, where I would have an interview with someone arranged beforehand, and I would go crazy thinking up all the worst-case scenarios in my head, like what would happen if the interviewee is a diva, or, what if she suddenly sprouted fangs and declared allegiance to Satan. Obviously things don't ever go that badly. That's why I hate anything long-term, it gives me time to over-think every single detail and I develop all sorts of nerves (like Mrs Bennett). So, in the end, choir practice wasn't even half as bad as anything I had dreaded. I even spoke to someone! And got her name (I'm usually terrible at names. And by usually I mean always). She's from Canada, and studies in the same University as Cecilia.

I sound like a total socially inept loser there, don't I? Oh in French today I got to know a freshie who's really pretty. If I were a straight guy or had lesbian tendencies I would so totally hit on her. Too bad I'm neither, so we just did the French role-play thing. And I feel entirely handicapped when I think or speak in French. It's not so much the conjugation of verbs as the fact that I cannot even construct a simple sentence like "This is the museum, and this is the exhibition of paintings. These paintings are beautiful". I have half formed phrases in my head, like "la peinture", "c'est beau!", and "l'exposition", but since I haven't quite grasped all the grammar rules of French (haven't been taught, also), I don't particularly know how to express myself succinctly and the sentences are thus short and unsophisticated. But then again it's only my fourth lesson so far and we barely have 30 French words in our vocabulary.

I better turn to my best resource as of now, the internets. Or, well, Judy and Choo, but I think I would be verging on irritating if I keep up with that. So.

Darn, it's already 2? So, French. I'm still loving it though, even though this has got to be the most difficult learning journey I've embarked on since it involves more than pure memorisation (the same cannot be said for Chemistry, so despite the fact that my A level chemistry grade wasn't up to par, I wouldn't say it was the most difficult thing ever) and my awesome craptastic skills cannot be put to good use here (cannot string up a good sentence, let alone a craptastic one). I expect my next semester to be about the same when I take that programming module I've always wanted to try out. But you know what, learning new things is always exciting (sometimes painful, but always exciting). And choir? Not as bad as it could be, despite there being a lack of interaction. And, as I said before (typed before), it's nice to sing in a choir again, with warm-ups, scores and the works.

My workload is slowly adding up, but I'm not too worried just yet, because I guess it's nice to have something to do (even if you're not doing it yet). Maybe someone slipped something into my Lor Mee today, but I'm feeling quite upbeat. Or maybe because it's 2.30 and my brain is secreting all sorts of nonsensical, hallucinatory hormones to induce me to sleep (not working, brain!). And the literature module I'm taking now pretty much restored some of the faith I lost from the exposure literature module (and the psychobabble and would-be deep analyses the lecturers were making). The lecturer is enthusiastic (effervescently so, if I do say so myself), and he obviously doesn't just ramble on and on about complicity (funny enough that's also one of the ideas in the texts. Darn you, complicity!) and some other things I cannot quite remember. And even though the text we're doing now (actually we're done with it. Oh my gosh fast much? I'm shocked that I managed to finish it, but then again it's a 100 page novella) is all about the darkness of humanity and complicity, and blinding, deceptive light, I'm still quite stoked to go one with the other texts. It's like an awakening (enlightenment, a baptism of darkness. Whatever), or an epiphany, and I realise I still like the idea of analysing texts the literature way, and thinking the overwrought thoughts about narrative, rhetoric and symbols.

It's a literature thing I guess, where there's this sense of escapism when you read those texts, and everything has more meaning (even when the meaning points to the meaninglessness of humanity), and everybody is larger than life, embodying something or symbolising another. It's different from your everyday mundane life, I guess. Which is why sometimes I don't quite get why people view things so importantly - nothing is ever that important; everything is random; no one will ever find the meaning of life, and maybe that's because life is meaningless.

I don't know, maybe it's because I've done too much of this close reading and analysing thing, but I have a very bleak world view sometimes. Not in a specific way, because life can sometimes surprise you with random, short bursts of happiness, but overall I would say that humanity is a doomed race. Shit I'm sounding like some doomsday prophet ("Repent! The end is nigh!"). I think it's just Conrad's novella. It's really, really dark, about human depravity and lies. D: It's even worse than The Handmaid's Tale, because you could read the ending as a resolution of sorts (but you could argue it the other way around, I think), but Heart of Darkness is entirely hopeless and pessimistic.

I think if I study literature I'd be exposed to more of such dark texts. Meh. And it's a flaw of literature students (I think) to want things to have more meaning, to find hidden symbolism and irony, but life isn't like that. Life is usually mundane, with some pockets of excitement, but I think that is enough, isn't it? I live for those moments of surprise and happiness, and I probably am satisfied already. Who needs life to be like those bad soap operas (Taiwan Tornado, anyone?)? Can't we just celebrate the normalcy of life and get on with it already?

Okay actually I don't know what I'm typing anymore. It's like I'm high on pot or something. Not that I would know what it feels like. And this is one shit long post, isn't it? Sick of me yet? Tu es fatigué (I don't know what's "bored" in French)? And google just told me that changing French sentences into the past tense is going to be a bitch. Ah well, I'll take it as it comes.

Bonne nuit!

So, guess what I'm doing now? Yeah, you guessed it, I'm bloody waiting for choir practice to start. It starts at 630, so I have an hour and a half or so to kill. Meh.

And to ease the pain of waiting, I decided to have an early dinner. And you all know I'm pumping iron (not in the usual sense) for the blood donation. Which means beef and veges and whatnot, so I decided to try the beef egg bowl from the japanese stall. Worse beef bowl evar. I swear, it tasted like someone put a cow in blender and cooked it with some dubious spice. You know something is really bad when I don't finish it.

But for the sake of iron I pressed on and swallowed the dubious slices of mystery meat. I think whatever iron that had been in the poor cow would have long been pulverized into oblivion. Oh well. Speaking of which, IRON PILLS! I'm back to the little red wanse pills. Hopefully those don't fail me again.

Anyway I had my first literature and french tutorials today. Thursdays wouldn't be so bad if I didn't had to wait for practice. I tell you, waiting alone trying to finish Heart of Darkness is absolutely depressing. Which is why I'm blogging with my phone and you're reading all these typographical errors.

You all know this miniscule qwerty keypad isn't that great for long, drawn out essays of blog posts, which is why I'm not being my usual insightful (haha, self-deprecating humour) self. I actually wanted to blog about something else, but that would probably require either a keyboard or slimmer fingers. Neither of which I have access to now.

Eh I'm sick of typong here, shall read Conrad's masterpiece now. It's barely a hundred pages, but I just cannot bring myself to finish it. Au revoir! Or, salut! J'etudie horrible livre. Yeah I'm slaughtering French.

Oh my gosh I have to wake up at 6 tomorrow so what am I doing online? My bag's a bitch by the way, incredibly heavy with the extremely thick SN1101E package. Tutorial tomorrow, and I do have to go through the motions of pretending to be a good student.

Damn this, I'm in a rut. I deep muddy rut with no end in sight. I probably should sleep now, huh? Au revoir! Je suis somnolent(?).

Mon dieu! I don't know what I signed up for - practice every Monday and Thursday from 630 to 930, with no breaks in between the singing. And the choir is small and everyone sings so well, it's really difficult to not feel some stress to do better.

I'm so tired, and it's only Monday. I reached home at 11.20 and before that I popped into Mcdonald's to get me some Cinnamon Melts. It's cloyingly sweet, but when you are running low on endorphins and fuel you tend to want something cloyingly sweet.

And I have a 10am lesson tomorrow, followed by a tutorial. The only thing keeping me going is French (tough but it's fun to learn a new language that you know nuts about. Je suis stupide. Actually I'm also very interested in Spanish and Italian. I like the fake Italian accent you see on TV. Okay never mind) and well, right now I can't think of anything else.

Eh. I shall sleep my troubles away. Good night people. It's one!

PS. One day I'd be able to speak French without sounding like a country bumpkin. Je ne parle pas Francais, je suis une etrangere. Au Revoir!

I'm in a lecture now, and blogging using my phone. How awesome is that, huh? It's a research principle and ethics lecture and we're learning about the Stanford Prisoner Experiment again. But at least we're looking at it from an ethical point of view, which is different.

I think I am killing my phone's batteries. Anyway I wanted to say something about the darkness of human behaviour (with regards to the abovementioned experiment), because I am too influenced by school and Conrad's Heart of Darkness abd general gloominess of mood. I've not felt so blah in a long time, not even when I was working.

I have two hours to kill after this lecture. I don't even have my laptop with me; luckily my phone can now go online in school - I just needed to use Opera instead of the crappy browser in my phone.

And why am I waiting for two hours, you ask? Today's my first choir practice, that's why. I am dreading and looking forward to it in equal parts. Nah who am I kidding, I'm dreading it way more. I don't evem know what came over me when I decided to accept their offer. I'm not a people person! I don't like talking to strangers and making small talk! Ahhh.

Yeah okay it's not that big a deal. I'm just in a blah mood. Bye. I better start listening to the lecture.

Greetings Earth-bound creatures! It's your favourite time of the day again, reading my highly-interesting and enthusiastic blog! So why am I so chirpy? First, it probably has something to do with the fact that it is 1.15 in the night and I'm the most alive at night. Second, it's Saturday! What's there not to be happy about? Third, I'm feeling happy because the shocking news has finally sunk deep in and it's a cause for some form of happiness (and apparently, loss of sleep). Fourth, even though the Manual Registration did no effin' use to my tutorial troubles, the lecturer has sent an email which clearly shows how more than 20 students haven't actually gotten a tutorial slot as of Friday, which means the system is inherently flawed and has nothing to do with my inept handling of CORS.

Well, or it could mean both, but it's Saturday and I couldn't care less.

Before I go on to more pseudo-metaphysical matters (you know how I always veer off course), just wanted to tell you that I went back to Dunman High with Choo and Chan (Chan Xiu Li. From here on I dub thee Chan, on my blog) on Thursday after the ordeal of the Manual Registration - exaggeration, the capital letters are statement of Irony because manual registration did no shit whatsoever.

I must resist going on about how I miss those days, because missing them wouldn't change anything. Or would they? I read an article about Quantum physics, photons and how observing something changes something which happened in the past. It's like Schroedinger's Cat with an inbuilt time machine or something. I don't know. Anyway, it was really therapeutic to just go back and soak in the atmosphere of schooling. Retrospective lenses always give things a rose-coloured tinge, like those fake photoshopped pictures of pretty girls or beautiful scenery with an old-fashioned tinge and words written in the Helvetica font you see when you Stumble.

But really, the food in the canteen was still as good, and talking to the teachers is nice for a change (it's no secret that many lecturers couldn't care less about you. And those who do are few and far between, but nice nonetheless). I really miss those days. Heck I even contemplated (with a 0.01% chance of success) greeting Miss HAL/PAT/she-who-must-not-be-named when she was in the vicinity. And Mr Cave was being irreverently witty as usual, which I certainly miss in University. And although it's only been two years, it's like the teachers have aged way more than that.

Maybe it's the stress of not teaching us. Right. Or maybe we are getting old. (Speaking of which, Happy Birthday, Qbing! Not that she reads my blog) Apparently the Secondary 4 pupils are corresponding with NUS professors, according to some intern teacher who was in DHS. I remember when we were in Sec 4 all we did was watch The Matrix ad nauseam (actually I still think it rocks) and contemplate Hamlet. Oh, and of course, fail Physics - although I got 52/100 for the finals and was so stoked that I didn't fail that I was considering Physics in A levels.

I recently downloaded the entire Guitar Hero: World Stage soundtrack. It's in my playlist and makes me look like some rock badass. Okay, not really, I just like those guitar riffs.

/Digress

And while I'm on the topic of school, the past and quite possibly, the future, here's an awesome article I came across while scouring my RSS feeds (I know, loser much? I'm a stickler for reading stuff on the tubes though, and RSS feeds are really helpful. Don't be such a snub!). It's about how we should do the things we love in the future, and not be too blinded by money and prestige. Luckily for me, I don't have that sort of ambition and hunger for the prestigious/wealth. If not I would have lied through my teeth for a prestigious MOE scholarship, and I wouldn't have been such a slacker for the past 19 years of my life. And being a journalist isn't anything prestigious at all - we're pretty much the scums and lowlifes of the media industry in the eyes of the public. The only redemption is that PR practitioners are ranked lower than us so that we can have someone to ridicule. And just a disclaimer, I'm not planning on becoming a journalist in the future, I'm just using it as a reference point because it was my most recent job.

Anyway you so have to read that very insightful piece (insightful pieces? On my internet?) on the ways to achieve a job we love to do, and not just do because we have the obligation to raise a family or buy the next Gucci It bag, whatever.

You know, regarding the whole raising a family topic, I've always thought that my father is totally awesome for doing his job just so he can provide for his upper-middle class bourgeois family. He obviously is under tremendous stress in his job sometimes, and I'm thankful that he has done so much so that I can have an education and learn that that is not what I want to do in life, because I am such a selfish prick. Although the "Do what you love" article is also true in saying that sometimes it pays if parents are selfish and do what they love instead of what they have to, because it shows their children that there are things in life you never want to compromise. I wonder what dreams my father used to have. And my mum too, at the same time. And whether they sacrificed a lot in raising two children who are pretty much over-privileged in some ways.

Aren't we all just over-privileged young adults who really haven't seen much? I mean yeah, we could travel the world and read all sorts of spiffy, high-sounding books but really, what do we know?

See, I'm off on a slightly metaphysical yarn again. Shall revert to the original topic. Which was, uh. Oh. Doing what you love.

In this sense I haven't sold out to reality, yet. I'm doing what I'm enjoying, for the moment, like literature, and to some extent I do enjoy the New Media content too.

Oh, but as a side note, in case you were thinking of doing SN1101E, don't. Remember, it's SN1101E. SN1101E is so brain-damagingly boring and humourless that you would wish you actually were an ascetic just so to escape the hellish Inferno which is the module. And don't even get me started on the readings. Again, it's SN1101E. This is so that any hapless freshie googling the term can realise the horror. The horror, the horror! Conrad's not so hot either, but he beats SN1101E hands down.

Okay, back. As I was saying, yeah, I'm still sticking to my guns. I haven't sold out and I'm not planning to sellout anytime soon. Maybe it's because I'm not the sort to actually want much in life, at least in the traditional sense. I have a tendency to overthink things and give everything some fake philosophical spin - I'm very Hindu/Buddhist in the sense, since I buy into the whole idea of existential meaninglessness and human suffering. But enough about my ideological inclinations.

What I'm really trying to say (and failing to do so) is that it's not too late for you to rethink your future, because if your past isn't set in stone (referring to Quantum physics, trippy article which you didn't read) your future sure as heck isn't either. And you know you don't want to be miserable in the future, do you? And because I love you all - yes, each and every one of you, make love, not war man - I don't want you all to end up miserable. Heck, I'd even want you all to find your own measurement of happiness and satisfaction! How loving am I huh? No, I'm no high or tripping on anything, what do you mean by that!?

Uh. Okay so anyway, just thought you would have liked to read that. Sometimes I will think about my future and I'll realise I don't know what I would be doing. It's scary and exhilarating at the same time. Yes, yes, I am such a nerd.

Oh and speaking of nerdy pursuits, I've decided to accept the offer to join choir. I'm in Soprano 1 yet again. I guess my voice hasn't gotten any lower in the lower parts then. Damn it there goes my dreams of becoming a pop star (kidding), since most singers in the scene have strong real voices and mine is more of the creepy falsetto which is so unlike my speaking voice. Weird how things turn out huh. You would expect me to be an alto, or at least a mezzo-sop, but noooo.

So.

On to even more frivolous pages from the tubes:
1. A totally lame piece on Guardian about how women should "embrace their facial hair". What in the world? I mean yeah, I do appreciate a fine beard on a fine lady (in a freak show, that is), but there's a woman who said: "Now I am proud of my hairy lip. I sit playing with it when I am thinking, or watching TV." Imagine that, stroking a hairy lip in contemplation of life's mysteries! What I wouldn't give for something like that - maybe I would be a better writer then. But then again, not thanks. Oh and apparently another "had a Hitler moustache since (she) was seven". Read it for some WTF?, and general enforcing of the bra-less-stache'-growing feminist stereotype. Hold on, I didn't know feminists grew beards! Well just goes to show Atwood wasn't all that feminist, because Offred's mother never did have a stache.

2. Christwire. I don't even know where to begin. This is most likely a parody of extremist fundamentalist Christians, but when I first came across the site (forgot how) quite a while ago, I was actually convinced that the site was actually real. Not The Onion, but rather some depraved group right-wing crazies who embody everything that is wrong with the religious world. I mean, yeah we should be open and accept (not tolerate. I find the term "religious tolerance" very insincere) all religions and all ways of thinking, but I cannot find it in me to accept such critical stupidity in humans. So, back to the site, which has been described to either be the best parody site evarrrrr, or an incredibly poignant depiction of human foolishness and what sort of madness blind faith can bring about. Here's an incredibly funny one about how the writer is terrified of Chinese people because apparently we are bitter about losing (losing? That's the Japanese, dear) the second world war and are set on world domination. See, it can go both ways, it'd be incredibly funny if fake, and incredibly sad (for humanity) if the sentiments were real. Another one, on 15 ways to spot if your husband is, in fact, gay, is also similarly hilarious. I mean, did you know "Right now in America there are over 2 million couples secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages"? Yes, all in BOLD and stuff. Did you? DID YOU? And the last one, which is a choice piece on "How To Spot A Masturbator", is also funny in the visual sense:

Credits: Christwire

I mean, honestly, how can anyone read that/create that with a straight face? It has got to be a satirical site. If that's not proof enough, here's a classic sentence: "One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, "That smells like semen."If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear." Yes, with the underline. I mean what sort of crackpot site/human gives such advice? Just so we're clear, I'm sure Christianity is an awesome religion, I just cannot fathom if this site is really that idiotic or genuine satire. Hopefully it's the latter.

Anyway that's all I have! I really have to sleep now seeing how it's already 3 in the morning. Sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors, I haven't got the energy to read that whole slop through. Luckily you people aren't all anal-retentive like I am. Good night! Have a NAISE sleep.

PS NAISE is the latest lingo, according to Koh. I know it is, just like to niao. Good night!

Now, am ambiguous post about change. The only constant in the world is change, apparently. Oh scratch that. I can't do all the pseudo-philosophy thing this late at night.

All I can say is, I'm glad I still have you guys. The world is changing too quickly, and sometimes you get breathless trying to keep up with some people. But going on that ride with you all makes it enjoyable. Even though you never know what the future holds and you try to guess what will happen but you know you can never be sure. Still, one heck of a ride, with great company.

On a totally unrelated note, I went for choir auditions. It has nothing to do with "trying to grab a guy", according to Choo. I could go on and on about the social stigma society (at least, the Asian society, as far as I know) places on single females, but I shall not.

I just miss singing in a choir. I know I absolutely loathed choir for various reasons (power plays, overenthusiastic people, the works), but when you're singing - and I don't just mean singing ala Teo Heng, I mean warming up and singing as well as you possibly can -, there's an inexplicable feeling in the air, especially when you hit all the right notes and everything harmonises in that goosebump-raising manner. And performing in front of an audience gives you a rush which I haven't felt in a while.

I sound like a total geek, no? But anyhow I don't even know if I'll get in. So.

But honestly it has nothing to do with getting guys, because anyone who knows me/reads this blog knows that I rarely make an effort to do anything about anything. I'm just way too lazy. If I really wanted a guy, I would so not be in my t+shorts+slippers+cui bag combo every single day, and I wouldn't be wearing glasses, and I probably would talk to people more. In fact I never thought about that when I decided to audition for a CCA. I was just thinking that if I simply went to school for lessons I would be terribly depressed. At least in hall I had some things to do, like general Saigang. But I was around people and that probably helped me not be such an Otaku. Because if I only went to school for lectures and tutorials, I would surely sink into a deep funk again.

Mind you, I'm not saying I would love choir. I may very well be bitching about it on here everyday. But no one ever said that every choice you make is right, and I already made the choice to come to NUS, and that's probably not the most prudent choice I had ever made in life. Might as well make the best of a bad situation right?

I'm so sleepy now. I can't believe I'm watching Oh Carol on Channel 5. Sheesh. It's quite bad. And I'm losing coherence. Well. Good night.

Fuck I have to come to school tomorrow to fucking manually register for the fucking tutorial for the fucking compulsory subject. I wasn't going to come because it's my tutorial day tomorrow but tutorials haven't started. Fuck CORS and the stupid balloting system. UGHHHHHHHHHH FUCK.

Damn I totally missed the 555th post mark of my blog! Curse you, whiny teenager hormones! Okay anyway I'm almost twenty now so I think I should curb those remnants of angst that I still harbour in me.

Angst: n an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom

Then again, the world could do with more angst. Eh. I'm too sleepy to blog anymore. Good night!

This is for you people who don't have anything better to do than read blogs. And I type that with a tinge of jealousy, because I don't want to go to school and have things to do. I would rather stay at home and read blogs. So, I ripped this off the internet; it's one of those question thingies again. Only because I really don't have a lot to blog about.

1. What curse word do you use the most?
"Shit". Verbally, of course. In my head it's more often "fuck", after which I would auto-correct myself, to "friggin' hell", or "freak". On this blog, it's "fuck". I'm also partial to "bloody". Eh, what can I say, I'm vulgar.

2. Do you own an iPod?
Wish I did. Instead I own a loser 2GB MP3 player which is dying soon. But beggars can't be choosers. I was thinking of buying an iPod Touch with my pay, but something is stopping me from becoming one of those Apple fangirls. I mean, sure, Apple stuff look awesome, but every single freakin' person uses Apple products nowadays. Come on. Seriously, is everyone so rich? It seems like all the FASS people own iPhones. Talk about consumerist sheep.

3. What person do you talk to on the phone the most?
Eh. I'm not really a phone person. I can talk to Judy a lot on the phone though. Ever since Secondary 2.

4. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
I shall not even dignify this with an answer. Okay sheesh I don't, since I haven't kissed anyone in about a lifetime.

5. Do you remember where you were on 11/9/01?
What? Um. Let's see, Primary 5 huh. I don't remember. Duh.

6. What was the last movie you watched?
I would love to say Inception, but being the loser that I am, I haven't watched it yet. It's Toy Story 3.

7. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Has anyone not?

8. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Nope.

9. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Seeing how it's only Monday and how my social life when school is in session is practically zilch, I would say no.

10. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
I don't know, I would think the face. Okay, duh, of course the face right? Eyes I guess. I mean, what else can it be?

11. What are you looking forward to?
December. But not my birthday.

12. Do you own any band t-shirts?
No, I'm not a fangirl. And I don't do the whole hipster thing where I wear a vintage shirt with an old band on it and look all hipster and kewl. So, nope.

13. What will you be doing in one hour?
Judging by my boredom and the length of this questionnaire, I'd hazard a guess and say that I would still be doing this blogging thing. Darn I have no life.

14. Is anyone in love with you?
Besides myself? Kidding, I hate myself right now. I feel fat and ugly. Okay, enough angst, my answer would be: no.

15. Last time you cried?
When I watched Toy Story 3; I'm a sucker for shows like these.

16. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Why do you care? I'm using a laptop.

17. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I was thinking of getting my ears pierced again. But that would totally set back my blood donating schedule (as if my low iron count weren't doing enough harm), because in the questionnaire they ask a question about piercings. And tattoos look awesome; I wouldn't mind getting one next time. Not now though. Okay actually I was influenced by LA Ink. Not like I would ever go get a lame-ass tattoo from some shady tattoo parlour at Bugis Street. No thank you.

18. Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos?
Yeah, sure, I guess? Unless he smokes. Of course, in the Asian society there is still a deep stigma associated with the tattoo-covered people, so my parents would probably lock me in the house till I turn thirty if I'm ever seen with anyone "covered in tattoos". Not even kidding.

19. What were you doing before this?
Nothing. Okay, watching The Simpsons on TV. I have no life.

20. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
How the heck can I remember?

21. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Technically, I only need like an hour of sleep to function for the rest of the day, but not continuously though.

22. Do you eat breakfast daily?
No.

23. Are your days fast-paced?
No.

24. What did you do last night?
Watched some sitcom on Star World. What did you think? That I partied till dawn?

25. Do you use sarcasm?
Yes, yes, sheesh. Enough with the obvious questions.

26. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
2-0. Do not want.

27. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Again with the obvious questions. Yes, I'm terribly anal about that.

28. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
With friends it's probably the same between both, but with strangers, the opposite sex. Darn it. I want to be a chick magnet! And no, I'm not proclaiming my latent homosexuality here.

29. Do you watch the news?
When I have nothing to do.

30. How did you get one of your scars?
The Judy one or the night cycling one? Either way you all know both histories already, so I shall not bore you all with the excruciating details then.

31. Who was the last person to make you mad?
Must it be a person? CORS made me mad. I mean come on! I picked two out of four tutorial slots because the other two clashed with lectures. And what happened? The fucking system gave me none of them. Not a single fucking one. Because they were full. Fuck CORS.

32. What is the last big thing you purchased?
Big like, in size? I don't know, some shorts? Those are big in size, since they're for me.

33. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
A stranger. Because I don't want to talk to anyone I know just right now. I'm feeling at odds against the world and anything can set me on edge. I hate feeling like that.

34. What is a rumour someone has spread about you?
Oh, lame ones like HHHHHH and the like. None have an ounce of truth in them though.

35. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Press the emergency whatever button. I don't really know what to do. And after that I'd sing until I get rescued.

36. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?
True. Except there are girl codes you have to abide by, like if your close friend is dating a jackass you've gotta tell them. War, I'm not so sure.

37. Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
Yeah, sometimes.

38. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?
I don't know, Alaska? I'm not American, so, whatever.

39. Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang?
Can't drive, don't want to drive, because driving pollutes the environment, makes for bad tempers ("WHY THE FUCK DID THAT DRIVER JUST CUT IN FRONT OF ME FUCK FUCK FUCK!", or "FRAAAAAAAAAAAK TRAFFIC JAM"), is expensive and simply doesn't tie-in with my beliefs.

40. What’s something you’ve always wanted?
Contentment.

41. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
An ocean. Don't know why though.

42. Do you wear a lot of black?
Nah, I just have a couple of black t-shirts. That's all. And a pair of black shorts. But you won't ever see me wearing the two together.

43. Describe your hair:
Bad.

44. Where is/are your best friend(s)?
Huh? In Singapore, I would think. Unless I have some unknown (as-of-now) best friend waiting to appear someday.

Okay, so, 44 questions. Bored already? I shall now languish on the tubes and wait till something interesting happens. Knowing my life, it'll probably take forever.

I can't believe there's school tomorrow. And it's already 1 in the morning and I really don't know why I'm still online. Anyway Youbao was asking me why I didn't blog. I cannot blog if I don't have anything to say! My life, so far, has been quite awesome and you know this blog thrives on negativity.

Of course you all know how that would change once I go back to school. How awesome is school right? It gives you things to whine about like that over-privileged brat you are and you pretend to be really insightful and philosophical about pedagogy but all you care about is for your comfort and well-being. I mean, come on, most of the complaints I've made on this blog about NUS are really pathetic, like "WHINE WHINE WHINE WHY DID IT STEAL MY CNY HOLIDAY!??!??!?", or "WHINE WHINE WHINE I AM A LOSER WITH NO LUNCH BUDDIES UNI FRIENDS ARE NOT REAL I WANNA GO BACK TO SECONDARY SCHOOOOOOL!!!!!"

Yeah you get my point. I am just a whiny little asswipe. See, now I'm whining about whining.

Okay enough about that. I've had an awesome week and the lecture tomorrow isn't going to dampen my mood! So what have I done the past week? (you ask)

As you all know I was free of the company like on the 31st. So after that it has been dinner at Shokudo, two consecutive Teohenging, Katong laksa (YUM), Udders, Astons (my treat! Am I great or am I great?), Sakae (it's always nice to binge, and Chip's mum was really nice for treating us!), sending Chippo off to Dimsum-land, jogging (GASP!) with Xiuli, although to be fair it was more like walking (my bad), failing the iron test for the nth time, hiking at Bukit Timah, and laughing my guts out hanging out with awesome people.

I love my friends. Seriously. Without you all I would die. Not literally of course, since friends aren't necessary for survival, but figuratively. And everyone knows a literal death is better than a figurative death, because you although you can still live with a soul, you're just an empty shell. And in case you think I believe in the "humans have souls" thing, well, not really, I'm just paraphrasing Harry Potter.

Because I don't know if humans have a soul. I mean it is impossible to explain how I am me and how I know what I'm thinking is really thought by me and I know I exist and am alive (heck those things are impossible to prove too), so who's to know for sure we have souls? Maybe we're just a single floating consciousness dreamed up by an entity beyond our imaginations because somehow we're imagined by it but we never know that we are. Actually I think if you read this paragraph you should know that I'm already incoherent.

Which means I'd go off about anything in a whimsical second.

On a seemingly unrelated note, I'm doing yet another Coetzee text. What is up with the literature department? Do they love postcolonialism that much! I mean it's just a bunch of stories about the inherent inferiority/superiority complexes which exist within cultures and nations, and the power plays between the characters, right? Honestly I don't see the draw of that, and I'm not actually sure what I just typed is right. A tad too rusty, my literature skillz.

I'm falling ill. I feel the onslaught of a sore throat. Dang it I better go to sleep soon. I really don't want tomorrow to ever come. Sometimes I go to bed late because of that. Because when you've been awake a long time you feel as though you're holding on to today. It's a stupid idea.

Actually I want to do a snarky post about something which has been irking me for a few days already, but I don't think the topic is suitable for this blog. And it's not even really such a big deal, but who knows, out there, there might be some random person who reads my blog and that random person may just be the person I don't want reading my blog. Eh, I'm not even being ambiguous on purpose. Forget it, it's not a big thing anyway. Just a bit disgruntled about some things.

SHALL SLEEP SOON HOORAY SCHOOL TOMORROW KTHXBAI.

Chip ★ Choo ♥ Cecilia ★ Judy ♥ Linette & Yingxian ★ Jiayin ♥ Vina ★ Skins ♛ Twitter ☁ Blogger ☢ Facebook ☠ Tumblr ♐

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