A Heart So White

Vivien ♀ Twenty one (21) English Literature Major ✎ A Gleek ♬ I love you like a love song


I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello
Friday, December 31 19:39


It's a few more hours to 2011. And guess what? The first Monday of the new year will be dedicated to choir practice. I don't even know where I put all my scores after the great bedroom massacre of '10. Damn. I'm sitting on my bed in front of my laptop blasting feel-good Glee tunes and wrapping belated Christmas presents. I'm also having a slight headache because of my sore throat, which has suddenly appeared again. Add a backache and you know this isn't the best New Year's Eve ever.

But I had fun today. I went out with Francesca Xiuli Yunxuan and Xumei for lunch and some dessert, after which Koh and I hung out at Bugis like teens. We were talking our favourite topic of 2010, which many of you would probably know. But in case you didn't, here's something you've been looking forward to all year (not)!

2010: The Greatest Hits
Y'know, to go with the song lyrics I use as the title for posts

10. I moved out of hall
Still haven't wrapped my head around the idea that I have a) no freedom and b) to travel to school every flippin' day. Actually, I have. I hate it.

9. I joined Choir
Like, wtf? I did make a few FB friends but those are inconsequential. But I didn't join to make friends. I joined to sing. And now I'm in the stage where I'm sick of practices. Dang.

8. First marriage and baby of our batch
Regardless of my proximity to the event, it's still one of the biggest news of 2010. And it's happy news! Everyone likes happy news.

7. Working at Tabby
It's my longest job stint so far, and I learnt the ropes of journalism. Not only journalism, but tabloid journalism. My kinda thing. I interviewed friendly neighbourhood people, entrepreneurial women and durian sellers. I didn't quit. It was retrospectively fun.

6. HONG KONG
In all-caps, because it was one of the best things which happened this year. A week of touring and eating and shopping with friends. What can be better? We so need to do this sort of thing again!

5. Got my first A
And in literature too! It made my year.

4. Turned 20
And whined incessantly about it along the way. This was probably one of the better birthdays I've had, because of my awesome friends and family. I really blesses lucky to have such a good life. Don't expect me to show such contentment often though. A life lived is a life lived in angst.

3. I decided to major in English Literature
As you can see I'm running out of greatest hits. I'm just building up to the number one, which you probably know already. Anyway, I think this is a major decision in my life, and even though NUS isn't known to be great at English Literature I'm proud to not have given up because of one lousy module.

2. French!
Bonne année!

Drumroll please!

1. Choo choo's big surprise! (or, KK's big arrival!)
In a year which flew by horrendously quickly in a flurry of essays and 2 hour journeys to school, this little piece of juicy first-hand news pertaining to a close friend is really a welcome sight. Even though it shocked the hell out of some and stunned more than a few with the heroine's bravado, it really deserves the top spot in this list of 2010 Greatest Hits. We expect more juice from you, Choo choo! And don't worry, I'll force everything humanely possible out of you. Muahahahahaha.

No, really. I will. Unless you tell me to stop. I respect privacy. Really.

Gosh I'm having a horrible headache now.

Buuuuut, I've got to thank people, haven't I? Well. I haven't got the pain tolerance to do a detailed list, but here's some:

Thank you all lovely people who have impacted me in more ways than you know.

Thank you, my family, who can be aggravating at times but hey, a non-aggravating family isn't a real family!

Thank you CORS, who made me realise I don't really want to major in New Media.

Thank you, Salonpas, who is making a aching back better.

Thank you, you loyal readers of this blog, those who have stuck around through the I-DON'T-WANNA-TURN-TWENTYYYYYY angst and the complaints and the moments when I feel down. I love you guys a lot a lot a lot, and you're mainly the motivation I have for keeping this blog. I mean if there weren't readers I could simply type into notepad and save all my ramblings in the C drive. Oh, and another motivation is the general stupidity we as a human race show. That's fodder for this blog.

So, thank you thank you thank you! For making this year a pretty good one. Here's to an awesome 2011! I'll be sleeping early though. Brain ache no good me feel bad.

I ♥ YOU GUYS!
By the way I didn't bother proofreading because brain ache no good me feel bad, but you know I don't mean to subject you all to my horrible spelling and grammar mistakes. Okay, bye!

9.34, 31/12/2010
Elmo's world
Thursday, December 30 03:37



I know you think my desktop is awesome. Or you think I'm incredibly childish, but hey, I think you're an ugly poopoo! Who's mature now?
My bonnie lies over the ocean
00:45


I'm ba-ack! Okay so I came back yesterday but who's got the motivations to blog when you've got the worst sore throat ever and the ground feels unstable?

For those of you not in the know and/or stalkers of my Facebook page, I've been on a five-day cruise to Phuket (I didn't go to Phuket though. I think it's too much of a tourist trap anyway) and there was no free access to the internet. I did, however, have access to a pool and the sun, which meant that I could at last get a tan sunburn! The joy!

I swam for two consecutive days in the two pools under the hot sun for hours which meant my shoulder got pretty badly sunburnt because they normally do not see the light of day. Much like vampires (not the ones in Twilight though; they sparkle in the sun and are not afraid of anything), except vampires aren't as fat. Hopefully I did get a little darker. I think I did, but I'm not a good judge because I, uh, see myself every day? I don't know.

Oh and they have these Americano buffets on board (by American I mean lots of meat and potatoes and dessert) with decadent cakes pumped with booze. I don't know about you, but potatoes and booze-filled cake makes me happy. Actually booze makes me happy in any form, but boozy cakes? Awesome. And I tried creme brulee (minus the accented e, because I'm too lazy) for the first time in my life.

I guess the hot sun and the booze-filled cakes gave me this mother of all sore throats.

I have to say something about the swimming though. You see, my sister doesn't like getting her hair out of its equilibrium. By equilibrium I mean her usual rebonded(?), straight-at-the-bottom, growing-out-curly-at-top-needs-another-rebond-job hair. So she didn't want to swim because the chlorinated water kills hair. It does. My hair felt like dry wheat (I don't know how dry wheat feels like; get off my back!) for the next two days. My point is, she didn't want to swim because of her hair. That makes me sad.

So. Cruises. I don't know what's so great about them but it's pretty much not too shabby if you're a slacker like me. I mean, amenities all in one place! Small rooms which have everything in them except potable water, which you get by boiling the tap water! Food 24/7! People making up your room!

The sea! Don't you love the sea? It's big and blue and deep and so much greater than us.

On the flipside, you get to indulge in vices in the casino, which my mum loves, and watch mind-numbing TV all day if you've nothing better to do. Did I say flipside? Obviously I didn't mean it. My family played bingo when there wasn't much to do, and won 90 bucks. You see, it runs in the family. There's this legend that my paternal grandfather gambled away a plot of family land. He loved to play Mahjong, as did my father, who played that instead of studying for the O Levels, but did well enough to be mentioned in the newspaper(s) as one of the top scorers during his time (according to my aunt). How awesome is my family? And yes, it runs in the family, ahem ahem.

They're showing this show on Channel U which is talking about the GenY/X/Strawberry. I don't agree with the whole strawberry analogy, because it's simplistic and people of different generations have different ideals and have been through different things. But this topic has been debated to death and is boring me, next!

2011's coming! Get ready for my annual bore-fest of thanks and reflections, but not today, it's too late now.

Oh anyway I was talking about crappy TV shows on the cruise. Trust me, it was horrible. Sure, they showed Harry Potter (I almost typed Happy Potter wtf) and the HBP, Sherlock Holmes and How I met your mother, but also many horrible reality TV shows. Sure, they didn't show the abysmal Sarah Palin one (I have never watched a single episode of it, but from news articles it seems she's not classy and horribly stupid, so I shall stick to that opinion), but they did show the ones about the Kardashian family, among others. This sort of obsession with the lives of people - not only people but vapid, utterly uninteresting people (one of them wants to get over a break up by whoring around. No, really, she said that) and the so-called "drama" surrounding their lives - really irks me. Seriously, has the world become so depraved that we have to get our kicks by watching other people live their lives? Why are there people who are famous just for being famous? There's something wrong with this world if people earn millions by letting their young children appear on reality shows which millions of people watch because they cannot comprehend anything except the drama and vapidity of the media. I think my faith in humanity completely evaporated when I chanced upon this reality TV show starring the ex-wife of Charlie Sheen, who has decided that her kids would be in the show. They showed her going on a series of talkshows to promote her her show, and when the talkshow hosts ask her whether her decision to let the kids on the show is an exploitation. She then goes on to go into a bit of a mental breakdown, bemoaning her fate and how the talkshow hosts were being unreasonable and probing into her private life. I guess the irony is lost on her.

But hey, we all know everyone's becoming stupid and enthralled by the smoke and mirrors of the rich and famous. No one likes the drama-less mundane lives which normal people live. People much prefer watching The Situation get sloshed and reality stars getting multiple plastic surgeries. Who needs deep thought? We don't have time for that.

Veering off on one of those yarns again. I shall lighten the mood!

Having been on the cruise I have realised that I'm not really good with foreign accents. Really. I was swimming in an indoor pool in the morning and there was one other person in the pool, some elderly American man doing some pool workout (no, really. He was walking and sloshing his arms on the surface). When he was about to leave the pool, he said "You'll have the pool all by yourself. Enjoy!". Which I didn't quite hear the first time, so I was like "Sorry?", and he had to repeat that. Then after some time in the pool I went to the hot tub (ahhh hot tubs are awesome) and two kids entered, followed by their British(?) grandmother. She said something which I couldn't make out again so I did the "sorry?" thing again. She actually said "With the two of them following you around you'd have no peace". And then, on the last night during the buffet dinner there was this Italian (I almost spelled Italien) waiter who was really chatty (with everyone), so every time he came to our table (I was dining with my sister because my parents had a very early dinner) he would make some table chatter. So anyway my sister went off to get some food and he was like "Is that your sister?", which I understood the first time despite his thick accent, so I said yes. Then he went on to say something which I couldn't make out the first four times he said it. The conversation went something like:
"Ddivfhxdivh sfihzdxivh sfdshf asd."
"What?"
"Ddvfxvih dfawoi asfjchzxd cosdas."
"Sorry, what??"
"Icxvoiuxiu fsdifusdifu idufisdufius."
"What!?!?"
"Hdifsdif sdfas look alike."
"WHAT??"
"How many times do you want me to repeat it?"
No kidding. In the end I realised he was saying we looked alike, to which I replied "noooo", because we don't. My sister came back and proceeded to accidentally spill some rice onto the table, at which he joked about getting her clean it up with a clothe. Then when I was gone for water he told my sister he was from Italy (or something like that. I wasn't there). Probably good he didn't tell me that if not I would have misheard it five times or something. With his accent I thought he was Romanian or something, but then again I really have no idea where Romania is, because I suck at things like that. Then he asked whether I wanted water because I finished the water I took because of my sore throat (I self-medicate the only way I know how: spamming water), and I declined because I thought he would serve Perrier which was not free. Then I got water from the dispenser again and when he passed our table again he said something which I really didn't quite make out but was probably something along the lines of me not accepting his water-refilling offer. I swear I am bad at accents.

I finished my water again and when he passed he asked if I'd like more water, then I was like, "No thanks" because we were going to leave, and he proceeded to rattle off the drinks dispensed there, "Would you like Lemonade? Iced Tea? Milk?" to which I said no, until the last one which I couldn't hear, and I suspect isn't a drink but probably some joke, so I was like "What?" again. I should probably be more polite. So anyway he seemed amused by the way I said "what?" and he said "That's funny, I like the way you say "WHAT?" Do it again!" like one of those kids meeting Santa, and I was like "No!" in the tone which people use when someone suggests something unreasonable.

I was thinking "Noooo why are you making me pai seh in front of my sister! I have to retain my worldly wise big sister image!". We then decided to leave before he spots us buuut no, he did see us leaving and he said something which I couldn't decipher so I reflexively said "What?" and he was like all "yeah! That!", to which I probably rolled my eyes and he said bye and I said bye and we left before any of my worldly wise big sister image was tarnished further.

Unbelievably I dedicated that long crap to that incident but my life is really too mundane and I don't talk to people much so this was a big thing. Anyways my point is I suck at accents which I'm unfamiliar with. I'd probably do well with the American Bimbo accent because it's well-represented on TV, but the rest I'm incredibly hopeless. But weirdly enough I understand those fake american accents some Singaporeans do, but probably because I'm used to it. I could never fake a convincing American accent, unless it's the American bimbo accent. Like, totally.

I'm hungry and it's 3.19! They're showing Entertainment 100% (actually, yu2 le4 bai3 fen1 bai3) on Channel U. I still have a sore throat. :(

Remember the thing I said about the ground feeling unstable? It does! It's like some boat withdrawal symptom or something. Or inner ear liquid imbalance. I hope I get what I bid for! I'm so desperate I even bid for Shakespeare. I don't even like him much. I got allocated 2 out of 5 modules, the oh-so-fun The Eighteenth Century and The Twentieth Century. Gosh. And another module I bid for is Tragedy. It's a tragedy that I have to overload on so many modules this semester. French is going to be a bitch, but I hope I get it.

Oh no, I'm dry coughing! I better sleep. Good night! See you before the new year! I just thought of two resolutions: Stop with the exclamation marks, and stop using the word "like". Okay, really, bye. Didn't proofread, this is the crap you get yo.
Everybody wants to change the world
Wednesday, December 22 23:38


I haven't been indulging in Otaku pursuits for the past few days because I have been busy packing my room. It took a massive amount of willpower and effort over three days, but my room is marginally less cluttered than it was. Yes, I'll admit I still have books on the floor (but stacked into neat piles! Beat that) and knick knacks on the tables but it's a neatly arranged mess now, and I'm proud of my housekeeping skills (read: none).

I was randomly interneting and I have to say, Emma Watson is seriously hot cute pretty. If I were a dude I'd totally by infatuated. Since I'm not one, I'll just make some non-committal comment on an unread blog. Well.

As a party planner, I have to say that I haven't been doing a good job lately with the outings and stuff. I personally blame the timetables and YOG, but that's just me. I have a question. Am I the only person willing to go out and catch a movie during the exam period? I haven't tried asking all my friends but I have a nagging suspicion that many of them wouldn't welcome the idea of going out, even for a bit, during the mugging period. But then again it's really selfish of me to expect that of people, so.

Now, to put the log into blog:

Today, I went to White Sands. Yes, we all know White Sands seems really lame, but it has a flipping library. Libraries R Kewl. So I went to buy some envelopes to post a letter (White Sands has a post office too. Beat that NEX!) and then borrowed 7 books from the library (2 of which were Calvin and Hobbes collections, because you gotta love a boy and his pet tiger). Technically you can now borrow 12 books because of the DEAR initiative but being of sound mind and shoulder-bag I decided not to. Besides I couldn't find that many books to borrow.

So, after all the nerdtastic fun I had in the library I went to Super Dog to get lunch. It freaking cost me $7 without the student meal (blasted holidays) and I swear I'm never going to be that stupid and lazy again. But that's not the point. I've been wanting to vent about this the whole day.

I was queuing behind this OMOL (Office Man Office Lady) couple and the OL was ordering her whatever meal. There are three registers in the shop, and two were open but only one was manned. This elderly woman (60? 55?) was standing behind the closed one that had the small electronic display which read:
----Register Closed----
----Register Closed----
----Register Closed----
Obviously Mr OM didn't see that blatant display (exaggeration) of register-closed-ness, so he went over to the elderly woman and tried ordering his food. I think there's a manpower shortage at Super Dog and the elderly woman wasn't trained to handle the cash register, but anyhow she told him that she wasn't a cashier. And Mr OM was all "Then 你站在那里做什么?" in a "I'm fucking more superior than you" tone. That totally pissed me off but being the typical Singaporean that I am I didn't do anything but roll my eyes at Mr OM's back. If you saw me giving the elite eye-roll before you'd know what I mean.

But I was so fucking pissed off. There are two glaringly obvious problems Mr OM has. One, it was just bloody lunch, what was he getting so pissed off for? Get your head out of your ass Mr OM. Someone didn't take your orders and you're upset that your authority is being ignored? Got picked on your by your boss at work? Someone murdered your pet fish? Two, his failure to read and/or comprehend the "Register Closed" display. Dear Mr OM, even though illiteracy is a real problem worldwide, I find that your lack of ability to read laughable, and your outburst invalid and befitting your idiocy.

Also, you're ruining my day with your lack of social graces and your immense stupidity. I'm all for nihilists, rebels and anarchists (with causes) but you simply reek of uncouth behaviour and general lack of thinking skills, and I find your exclamation simplistic and grammatically incorrect. If you want to get pissed off at a person for standing behind a closed register and giving you false signals then you should at least do it in a more sophisticated manner, because being a human being with an IQ higher than a single-celled amoeba I have developed a taste for insults/tirades which involve some thought instead of a terse one-liner coming from a man with a white-collar job. And here I thought people like Mr OM had an edumacation.

Lastly, well, I just don't like OMOLs. I'm just a biased prick, so if OMOLs do anything slightly offensive I'd get into my bitch-mode (all girls should have a bitch mode. Guys too, for the matter. I haven't been able to achieve the state of Nirvana but hell I can switch into my bitch-mode. At least on this blog, which is kinda lame but whatever). Too bad I don't do that in real life, if not I'd totally be a Youtube star. Did I say "too bad"? I meant "luckily". But enough of this tirade.

I probably am too afraid that I'd become one of them, all "I'm not working in a fast-food place so I'm better than you". I hope the woman spit into that asshole's burger.
Extra! Extra!
Monday, December 20 01:54


How not to be lonely on Christmas©
(A Subsidiary of Invisible Tabloids©)

Miss ______ reports

Do you find yourself crying cold, frozen tears while couples around you enjoy each other's warmth and company? Do you crave love and solace during the holiday season? Well, suck it up! Well, you are not alone!

The team at IT investigates and compiles a handy guide for you to turn this lonely, lonely Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Secular Consumerism Day into one you can share with a partner under the proverbial mistletoe.

For the Star-Crossed Lovers:

Have a loved one but cannot spend the holidays with him or her? Don't worry, IT has a few tips from (a) relationship experts which will help ease the loneliness.

Miss HHC, love consultant with deep expertise in these matters, gives these suggestions:
1. For the students, the best bet would be to apply for an overseas exchange or two. Passion blooms with burning enthusiasm when one is in a foreign land, and if it isn't all that rosy, think of the hotel fees you could end up saving! It's two birds with one stone, baby! And nothing warms the heart more than spending a loving day or two with your smoochie-poo in the cold.

2. No money for a fancy-schmancy exchange? The internet's always there for you. Indulge in innocent flirting over old media like MSN messenger, or have some frisky fun frolicking on Skype. It's like hanging out without actually moving your butt, perfect for that slacker in you. If your pesky friends talk to you online, you could always pretend to be busy "doing some housework".

Miss HHC and her feminine charms. Photocredit: Miss _____

For the Mugger/Closet Mugger:

Love the school library too much? Find yourself hanging out with your books more than with humans? You're probably a true-blue mugger, fueled by the passion you have for your grades.

IT staked out in the library and observed the behavioural quirks of such muggers, and here's what you can do to find love.
1. The holiday season sadly signals the end of the mugging season, and with the dying of these passions we may find the typical mugger to be at a loss. IT suggests those with such hardcore passions continue hanging out in the library, in search of the illusive partner who just may possess that amount of passionate muggery like you do. Either way you wouldn't end up too bad, the library is your sanctuary.

2. Talk to that cutie seating opposite to you! Sure, he or she may punch you in the face for interrupting their highly productive mugging session- a sign of serious passion- but you'd be thanking* IT for that innovative method for picking up people. Besides, it'd make a good story to tell the grandkids one day.
*IT holds no responsibility for any consequences brought about by reader's actions. Reader discretion advised.

3. Read a book on Christmas day, because if all else fails: "The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest men of past centuries"(as said by Descartes. Day-kah-who? Oh never mind), so you could possibly imagine yourself in the company of the finest men. Just hang a mistletoe over your reading table and you're set, dahling!

For the Otakus:

Whether you're a gamer, a manga/anime addict or a creepy basement-dweller with an internet addiction, this holiday season can be wholesome and un-lonely for you.

If you realise that you're slowly identifying with (forced) memes such as forever alone or sad Keanu, fret not, as IT has five four solutions to kick-start your mojo and charm.
1. Addicted to the internet? Find love the easy way by begging on Craigslist! Take this opportunity to practice some flirting. Studies have shown that the best compliment to women online is "you have beautiful lips". While we at IT find that compliment rather creepy on various levels (how did you come across those photos? And even if you had consensual access to those photos, lips? Really?), if studies are involved, it must be true. Unluckily, we at IT have not found studies on compliments to the men, but ladies, do try some like "you look like you have nice abs under that shirt", or "you look so hot like Justin Bieber", which would definitely** work some magic on your flirt partner.
**IT does not guarantee success for all individuals

2. Hopelessly addicted to manga/anime? Have a deep, passionate crush on one of the characters? This holiday season need not be one filled with self-loathing. Instead, why not indulge in a little bit of the addiction? Print a life-sized cardboard cutout of the character, hang a mistletoe above him/her/it, and knock yourself out! Christmas could be ho-ho-hot. Make sure you hide that figure from your friends (assuming you do have them) or mother; things could get pretty awkward.

3. For the gamer, the perfect solution would be to play more, of course, because everybody knows that humans are overrated. Therefore, instead of crying your heart out and being jealous of the couples you see on the streets (streets? What are these streets you speak of?), why not train your team to be the strongest ever? Or kill one or more of those orcs/goblins/lamias/dragons to level up? Nothing beats the satisfaction of pwning your opponents, not even love.

4. Finally, if you can't beat them, join them! Communities exist all over the world where gamers/enthusiasts meet and mingle. Who knows, love could be one convention away! IT suggests you to hop down to Tampines Mall, where all the cool kids are gathered to have Beyblade tournaments (Toys "R" Us) and Pokémon battles (near Isetan and Fox). FIRST PRIZE IS A COUPON FOR POKEMON BLACK AND WHITE ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG WANT


Gamers of all shapes and sizes, all sharing the same burning passion! Photocredit: internets

So, with all the love and warmth in the wintry air, YOU could be the next one to get lucky. Dress up, put on some false eyelashes, shake that booty, because you never know when love might come to you in this wonderful season of consumerism miracles!

(Invisible Tabloids© and How not to be lonely on Christmas© are not liable for any emotional turmoil, bodily harm, mental instability and/or loss of friends brought about by the following of advice within the article)
*

No, really, Tampines Mall is having this super-awesome Pokémon promotion now. I saw a girl cosplaying as Pikachu there. And people playing the card game. Damn Pokémon's great.

By the way I didn't quite proofread, so whatever.
Laughing all the way
Saturday, December 18 02:02


A joke I'll always remember (and think of as funny):
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
*Badum tsh*
Tell me what's my lesson
Friday, December 17 02:25


I remember in Primary 5 I wrote an essay- no, wait, what did they call those in primary school again, uh oh compositions- or rather, a composition and used the word "blustery" to describe the wind. I read that word in a Winnie the Pooh book. Then, while she was marking it in class, my form teacher asked me if that was even a word.

I think that planted a small seed of doubt in me toward teachers and authority figures which later grew into what I'd call this stage of unresolved teenage angst in me. It's still somewhere, waiting for something to set it off.

You can't be an English teacher and not now a word used in Winnie the Pooh book. Not even the real philosophical ones, but those kid-Disney version books.

But I remembered liking and respecting this elderly substitute teacher who was gentle and kind and everything you'd think a gentle English-teaching old man would be like. That probably didn't make sense but he was my favourite teacher, and I'll always remember how he pronounced the word "thoroughly" as "thu-row-ly" during dictation instead of the more familiar "tha-ruh-ly", which was utterly interesting to me when I was 11. I don't know, it's just one of those weird memories you keep as a kid. He probably would know what blustery meant.

I watched Gintama because I'm a stalker of both Choo and Chip's blogs and they're all transformed into no-lifers because of it. It's pretty funny, especially Elizabeth(?) the bird-thing-which-I-have-no-idea-about and her(?) signs.

All right, time to sleep. I'm thinking of reading more non-fiction, because the library doesn't have that many intriguing fiction books, with the good books on loan indefinitely, leaving behind Victorian soft-erotica (I don't know, that's what the cover suggests) and serialised chick-lit by authors I don't recognise with their doubtful titles suggesting hot sex and mindless protagonists. I don't mind Sophie Kinsella but usually her books aren't even on the shelves. Oh, but on a happier note, we can borrow 12 books now! If it weren't for the possibility of breaking my back I'd totally do just that.

Well, (smell ya) later!
Haven't seen you in a while
Wednesday, December 8 01:43


My Nanjing Buddy just emailed me! In Chinese though, so I had to reply in Chinese because it'd be really weird to do so otherwise. But since I don't have a Chinese software installed I had to Google translate everything, and since Google Translate's not the best of them all I pretty much spent ten minutes on a short reply. It'd be easier to do it in English, and I'd like to find out if she's still with the aggravating boyfriend of hers.

But it's nice (despite all the stress that period of time gave all of us. And how it cut short my lifespan by about 10 years) to hear from an old friend.

Hungry now. Maybe I should eat the cake haha. There's a weird chiming sound coming from somewhere every few seconds or so. Creepy. From my sister's phone. >__>
With a little help from my friends
00:42


Hola! I finally went out of the house today, so I didn't play any Platinum. Shocking, isn't it? I went to have lunch/dinner at Yuki Yaki with Charmaine Neo, Ada, and Soke May. It was just a random thing (really random, because Soke May apparently suddenly had the craving for it). But it was great meeting up and catching up, which you don't really get to do when you're singing for six hours straight, not counting the dinner after.

They bought me a slice of cheesecake! Which was wholly unexpected, because I was just glad to be out of the house with something to so that I didn't expect anything better. It was after we ate and Soke May was like "I want to go to the toilet", and Ada said she needed to also. So I went, "Okay why don't we pay and go to the toilet together?", to which Sokes replied, "But I still want to drink this (Green Tea) mah". I believed her, because she does have her little quirks which I don't really get sometimes. Speaking of which, if you're on FB rehab, this will make you piss your pants laughing.

So anyway they left for the toilet, but after what seemed like half an hour (I think it was) I was completely convinced that Soke May was having the runs. Suddenly, the "Happy Birthday" tune played on the sound system (I was like, wow, nice coincidence; corny choice of song) and they came with two slices of cakes (one for Charmaine and the other for me), which really took me by surprise. Because I've never been surprised by cake before, and I think my surprise was the thing that caught me by surprise, if that makes sense. That was a long description, just wanted to say thanks for that, it made my day. :D

Anyway watching the Mr and Miss Teen Earth video brought back good memories, like how we'd use to complain about Vanilla and how we're just saigang warriors, how Soke May totally loved it that the mascot flirted with her, how we watched the nursery kids perform their recycling songs so many times it numbed our brains, how Sokes and I thought we were going to be like Mr Jay (ANTM) and do the cool backstage stuff but actually weren't in reality, and just hanging out with really awesome people.

Shall digress from the ol' nostalgia path now. I haven't watched Deathly Hallows P1 yet! I need to watch it. I do. Oh by the way I tried wearing my blue suede shoes out today, but after a mere twenty minutes of walking and escalatoring I developed a blister on my left little toe and one of those chafing cuts on the back of my ankle (whatever that's called) so I had to buy slippers from CottonOn which were two sizes too big. Horrible. Luckily they cost like, 5 bucks so all I have to do is skip a meal or two to offset the money spent.

I'm sick of Facebook actually. I mean for today. It's 1.03 now. I'm supposed to be sleeping, but sleep isn't my priority right now, too much time on my hands. I could go for choir chalet, but I really don't feel like dealing with people whom I'm not that close to during the holidays. But I would go for carolling, because that's singing and thus totally different.

My FF is lagging like crazy. O: Because I'm bored: Sad Trombone.

Okay, good night!
It's ma Birthday
Monday, December 6 02:38


So I'm officially twenty. Happy Birthday to me. I changed the info thing too! No more nineteen. (BAWWWWW)

Just kidding. It's not that bad. Vina's birthday card (and by card I mean Pokémon card) on FB was full of unbridled win. I mean I wouldn't say I have the most friends who'd wish me on Facebook, but those who did were mostly just really awesome. And I mean it sincerely, because I'm feeling the love man. This is the point where I'll interject some typical hippie phrase, but I shall refrain from doing that. And I should really be sleeping but I was playing Pokémon Platinum for the past 4 hours or so. Way to spend a birthday. If I end up not going out with anyone tomorrow I'll probably go shopping alone and splurge on a birthday gift. Damn the NTU semester timetable!

Okay, time to sleep; feeling a bit woozy.
You wake up, Another year is gone
Sunday, December 5 17:24


Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

I learnt that blogging doesn't really have a cathartic effect, unless the feeling you're trying to express is anger, because when you're depressed and bummed out blogging about it doesn't help, it just makes you feel even worse.

I also learnt that good essay grades only make you feel happy for a short while, because you then realise you're just a loner with no friends who's going to turn twenty and haven't left a mark in the world.

Plus, I learnt that I'm starting to turn somewhat lactose intolerant, because I've been unable to drink normal HL milk without having the runs lately. It's not a nice feeling because there are still three cartons of that stuff in the fridge and no one else drinks HL but me. Furthermore all I want to do now is booze until I don't know it's my birthday (tomorrow). Eff.

Day 30—Whatever tickles your fancy

I recently bought some blue suede shoes after my last paper. Because I was in the mood for some mindless consumerist splurging, mainly due to the fact that I'm just a mindless consumer. Oh, and I was influenced highly by the song title, so I was like, "wouldn't it be cool if I had a pair of Blue Suede Shoes?". Thus I bought that pair. Haven't worn them though. Haven't been out much. Haven't had a life in a while.

Oh gosh Vivien suck it up.

Day 30- Who are you?

Oh my gosh! The last flipping one of this thirty day challenge thing! I'm the first to complete it hahaha. D:

Who am I? I'm twenty, my name's Vivien, I'm an ordinary girl with extraordinary talent for slacking and coming up with long essays within short time-frames. I like messing about with my hair, and wearing the same pair of shorts every day (so much so that it's threatening to tear apart). I know a bit about fashion (as in, what every single flipping person is wearing nowadays, not so much Karl Lagerfeld or Vivienne Westwood) and trends (again, what every single flipping person is wearing) but I'm not so much a follower than an observer, because you know sites like Tumblr and those featured on StumbleUpon are chock-full of these "fashionistas" who may seem different but after a while (most of them) look the same. And I'm not a follower because I'm often broke and I don't really care about the way I look most of the time (if I did I wouldn't be wearing the same pair of shorts every single day).

Right now I don't know who am I, because all my conceptions of me are rather depressing and negative. I know I'm not usually this beaten; I make stupid jokes and laugh things off, but right now I don't feel at home with the world and in my skin, and all I want to do is indulge in excesses and forget about everything. But the thing is, I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm all at once depressed that I'm turning twenty, afraid that one day all my friends will leave me because I'm such a loser, pissed off that I'm such a ninny, nostalgic for the "good old days", yearning for something to happen (anything!), trying to figure out what's wrong with me, wishing to shut myself in my room and blasting music all day long, and hoping tomorrow wouldn't come at all. If I were to buy the whole postmodern thing, I'd say I've been thrust into a meaningless and fractured world, were meanings, identity and everything I knew were just mere constructs. But that's too literary. I just want something to happen! Anything!

I know right, what a Drama Queen.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
This is actually one of my favourite parts of The Fellowship of the Ring, because Aragorn is such a cool character. I like stoic people, okay? Actually my favourite part is just "not all who wander are lost", because of some weird reason which I don't really know. Whatever. And with that, I shall leave. I may blog again, before I turn twenty, but that'll depend on how depressed I am. Actually, I may be wrong about the cathartic thing I mentioned earlier, because I'm feeling a little better now. Oh, remember the "Things to do before I turn 20" list? I counted, and I did about 15 of the 40 things on the list. I didn't "5. Buy and wear a dress to an outing", "2. Bake something awesome", "11. Make a geek friend", "29. Finish LOTR series", "43. Get keyssssssssss" (remember how I'm always griping about not having house keys?), "8. Fall in love", "12. Learn some C++ or Java", or even "32. Guitar Hero!". I guess it just goes to show you that turning twenty isn't the end-all, and also that my goals are really quite insipid. Oh well. At least I got a job (40), joined a CCA (34), did not fall in love (9), and learned some French (4). It's cool. I did some things.

But I really had hoped that I'd get house keys, because it means something to me. It's not just keys; it's symbolic. But nope.

Oh, and because one of the items on the list is to express my love and gratitude for my friends, here goes nothin'! Well. Despite us not really meeting up much this entire semester, I still love you guys to bits. Especially you overseas people, you wouldn't know how much I miss you all. Sometimes in the middle of the night when I can't sleep I wish I could just send a message to you and whine about stuff, because we're all a bunch of whiners who tolerate and love each other. But now I can't, and it feels kinda weird if I were to message other people. Tempting, but weird.

So, whoever you are, if you're my friend, I love you to bits for putting up with all my shit. :D

Okay, dinner (it's 6). See you at the flip side!
Just the way you are
01:44


HAHA
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
Saturday, December 4 23:37


Some of you may have heard these: Google Translate Beatbox

It's, um, interesting I guess. Just listen to it. I don't know; I was bored when I heard it so to me it's pretty amusing.

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

At Choo's send-off last year. Didn't notice that Jamie photobomb.

One of the summer outings. Yeah technically it's already December but I don't have very recent photos unless you count the blur and too-dark Halloween one in which I apparently looked sleazy.

Obviously I'm much less tan. Gross. I hate being all white. I was buying an iPod cover from some rental stall in NUS (it sucked btw. Don't ever buy cheap iPod cases from school) and the seller was making small talk, and he was like "You're really white" (in Mandarin) and I was like "Uh yeah" + grimace. WTF am I that white that people notice? Do I ~*sparkle*~ in the sunlight? D: Yes, that ~*sparkle*~ is really lame.

They're showing Superman Returns on Channel 5. That's nice. But they're splitting it into two parts. When is Mediacorp going to learn that splitting a movie into two parts reduces viewers' watching pleasure by at least 50%*?
*Based on serious research

Okay, when Channel 5 starts showing Hair Matters 101, you know you don't have any more shows to watch tonight. Bye!

PS I'm so depressed that my Birthday is coming. Oh the horror!
Boom boom boom
22:08


Day 29—Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Hmm. Like, next year? When I'm 20 and old? I guess I hope I wouldn't have wrinkles. I know, how shallow, but reallyyyyyy noooooo I don't want to grow old and die! D:

Immaturity aside, I sincerely hope I speak a bit more next year, because although I have to overcome incredible inertia to speak (hate it) and every time I say something remotely stupid I'll recall the conversation over and over again to check to see how stupid it sounded. Speaking=making friends, and even though I'm not hard up for some new friends it's kinda nice to talk to people sometimes. Not all the time though. Oh another hope is that I grow out of my "leave me alone" phase, where in tutorials I'll strive really hard to not make any acquaintances and seat alone. No kidding, even when people seat next to me in some classes, I'll make it a point to not seat beside them the next lesson. I have issues, and sadly I don't think it's a phase.

Dreams next year? I'll not say anything because most probably it'll be like "not do my essays at the last minute", or "put in more effort", but you know I won't. I don't put in effort into things I don't deem very important, and right now I don't really care about anything I'm studying. Yeah it's interesting sometimes, but lately it's more of a daily grind sort of thing. Oh, and hopefully there wouldn't be too many Saturday choir practices, because really, choir on Saturdays? Gross.

Plans? I DON'T MAKE PLANS, SUCKAS. Plans to go out, maybe, but not unfun plans which involve achieving goals and the shit.

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

My wallet, my umbrella, my iPod, my waterbottle, a book if I'm going to be on a train (but I'll usually sleep), some hair pins (always. My hair's really bad), mints or sweets; boring stuff.

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Well, y'know, they're an awesome bunch. Sometimes they can be aggravating (so can I, honestly), but I love them all the same. You know who you are.

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

At first it was to prove that I can finish one of these pesky 30 day things. Then it became handy when I don't have anything to blog about. Oh, and really, it's not much of a challenge.

I just watched an episode of Vampire Diaries, and it's not half as bad as I thought it would be (because really, teenage vampires? Again? Get over it already). They're showing 9 Lives on Okto, which is some pseudo-artsy series about 9 pseudo-artsy individuals. Because Singaporeans really speak with that phony American accent. Whoop-dee-doo! Oh, and bad acting.

Once again I'm feeling under-stimulated and filled with ennui. Which is why I'm an adrenaline junkie with roller coasters and theme park rides and things going really fast while I'm trying not to break my neck. Which is why I don't even mind clubbing with all its sweat and stink and mass of gyrating bodies, because it's just an excuse to get your adrenaline pumped up. Maybe I should try the exercising thing because apparently it's stimulating to some extent. I feel like cycling. But not on roads and slopes, I still haven't quite gotten over that trauma-induced fear. Darn. `

It's really lucky I'm living in Singapore with decent friends because if I weren't, and had bad-influence friends, I'd probably end up as an alcoholic. If not alcohol, then some other vices. Right now my choice of vice is sloth ad occasional greed. If you let me free I'd find other new vices, because I lack self-control. :O

But right now, Pokémon's my main choice of sloth. Speaking of which, smell ya later! *Gary's obnoxious theme da da da da da da da da dum dum*
I feel happy inside
Thursday, December 2 21:30


I beat the Elite Four + Gary Oak but because I never could save my game, I couldn't proceed any further. Therefore, sadly, I cannot get the National Pokédex and I won't ever get to beat the Team Rocket people situated at Mount Ember. That is, unless I start a new game under a different save file, because according to the internet, I'd have to change the save settings to Flash 128K to actually save the game in-game. Before that I just saved it on the emulator at the Flash 64K setting. Curse it! So I downloaded another FireRed rom and am starting it over again. Good thing I like Pokémon.

But anyway, just for fun:


My awesome party! I don't usually use Pokémon like Butterfree at such late stages of the game, but this time I'm all for nostalgia, so my party includes most of the Pokémon you see Ash having in the Anime. And I don't usually use the Pidgey line much, but Pidgey's the first one I caught, and she's (yes, it's a she) actually quite an awesome fighter in her final stage. Plus she doesn't get affected by Gengar's ghost attacks, so.

Anyway, what's your favourite Generation I starter? I know this technically is Generation III, but it's still a remake of Red Version. I've always really liked Charmander/Charizard, because Charizard looks like a badass. And he can totally kick Venusaur's ass and maybe even defeat Blastoise with some Flying-type attacks. Plus Blastoise and Venusaur just look fat beside it. Oh, and Fire-type's sexy. The only Grass-type starter I had was in Gold Version, because I thought Chikorita looked the cutest. Anyway I just started a new game, and this time my Charmander had a "RASH" personality, unlike my previous one which was "GENTLE". Why all-caps? Because that's how it's written in the game.


And there's Gary Oak. Looking all zhuai with this "I'm better than you" pose. I like the credits scene for FireRed, especially the part with the Team Rocket theme music. Awesome.

Time to play some Diamond. But only after:

Day 28—This year, in great detail

Riight. This year. Well.

Last semester I was staying in hall. Now I've got to travel to school from Pasir Ris every single flipping school day. In comparison, I'd say I totally miss staying in hall, but I don't want to be in such debt (because the hall fees are exorbitant) before I even start work, so no hall for me. Besides, I'm trying to build up a long period of home-stay so that it's easier to persuade my parents to let me go on SEP. It's a plan, people! Last semester I had several group works. This semester I had none. Therefore, not too many new Facebook friends, but every grade I earned is my own, so I'm not complaining. Last semester I stayed up till 3 am in hall regularly, painting and building sets. This semester I stayed up till 3 am regularly, doing nothing productive (not too dissimilar). Last semester I was hanging out with more boys than girls, this semester I hung out with my invisible friends. Last semester I wasn't in any NUS-based CCA; this semester I'm in the NUS Choir. Weird though, I would never in a million years have thought that I would sign up for a CCA. I worked at The Company during the holidays, but before that I went to Hong Kong with my friends. It was awesome (both experiences, but in different ways), and I really learnt a whole lot during the stint as a journalist.

This year, I turn twenty. I guess this whole year has been about not wanting to turn twenty. But this year, I'm probably going to learn that it's okay to turn twenty. Not yet though.

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Really? I'm not a sentimental person usually. But okay:
Dear parents:

Although I'm a prick and a pain and I don't usually open up to you all, I appreciate everything you've done throughout my twenty years on this Earth, and I love you guys.

Love,
Vivien
Of course I'm not going to bare my soul here. I only do that when it doesn't involve familial stuff. It's too weird for me.

Okayyyyyy back to lazing around playing games. Au revoir!
Well I'm the geek (in the pink)
20:09


After copious amounts of Lemonade and Hyper Potions, I finally beat Lance! Oh my flippin' gosh! On to Gary. Sorry for my nerdisms.
Look me in the eyeball
Wednesday, December 1 23:50


Howdy! I was at one of those geeky internet sites and they were talking about browsers. Right now my default browser is Chrome because even though Google is untrustworthy in some ways, its browser is incredibly fast, and I like how it looks sleek and clean. I still use FF along with it though, because I love how FF seems more friendly. Anyway, I decided to download the beta version of IE9 because a few people were raving about how it's much better than IE8 (Durh), and because I wanted to indulge in a few nerdy pursuits to kill my boredom.

After restarting my computer (because it's a Windows thing) I fiddled around with the browser. It took just a tiny bit slower than Chrome in loading- really, just a tiny, tiny bit, which makes it faster than FF already- and it has some potentially good add-ons. I then loaded this blog on it, but it looked a bit wonky with all the wrong alignments because the skinner(?) probably didn't test it on IE. Still, it's Beta, so I should cut it some slack. After that I visited Geekologie, because it's one of my favourited sites on both FF and Chrome, and I realised just how many FLASH! ads there were. I never really saw them in FF/Chrome because of Adblocker, but that just means I need to get IE9 add-ons. It's already miles better than pesky IE7/8 though. But I'd stick to FF/Chrome for now.

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Actually, as (slightly) misanthropic as I am, I think every individual is different. Even though there are all those pessimistic theories out there about the commodification of media and choice in the consumerist/capitalist society which creates psuedo-individuality, I think it's not that bad. People aren't that mindless and homogeneous, in my opinion. I know sometimes I'm mean-spirited and think humans are all stupid, but given our faults and general stupidity, we're actually already trying our best to not be mindless and stupid, and that deserves some applause, no?

/Digress. What makes me different? I don't know, honestly. I guess it's a combination of several of my traits and/or idiosyncrasies. Maybe part of it is my inherent introversion, and another would be my disdain for the elitist system and my general undissipated angst. I don't know why, but I still haven't mellowed despite almost being twenty. I really don't know, but it's obvious I'm different from "everyone else". Everyone is different from "everyone else", even if they have the same faith job environment education. It's all in the nuances, people.

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Sashimi. Ever since I had this awesome sashimi in Japan when I was ten I've been having random cravings for raw fish. I guess it turned on something primal within me. I've never been able to resist slices of fresh(-ish) raw fish. But as of today I haven't been able to find something as good as the first sashimi I had. Probably my memory playing tricks on me, but I think I won't be able to die in peace if I never taste such good sashimi again. Truth.

Oh, just realised something awesome. Because IE9 is integrated with my operating system I can open folders by typing the commands into the browser bar. Nice. Okay, shall leave now; I'm feeling really sleepy for some reason. Tomorrow, I shall either watch Glee or go on a packing rampage (oxymoron). Bonne nuit!
Living is easy with eyes closed
22:15


Day 26—Your week, in great detail

It's only Wednesday, and you really don't want to read about my lacklustre life in great detail. Thus, a brief outline. On Monday I had my English Literature exam, two essays in two hours, which sounds pretty easy, but after spending one hour and five minutes on my first double text essay, I realised that when you have too much to write it isn't a really good thing either. Oh, and I was almost late for the exam because for some reason 96 took a really long time to reach NUS and I had a severe stomachache before the exam. In the end I reached the venue with two minutes to spare, but it's not fun to see everyone already seated. So after the exam the person sitting in front of me whose name I do not know started making some small talk about modules and the texts, and after a few minutes the papers were all collected and I WAS FREE. I went to Tampines 1 to buy my sister's birthday present.

Then you already know how I spent the whole of yesterday.

And today we went to TEO HENG, then, following the tradition, we had dinner at Aston's. I had steak to boost my iron count. Probably didn't help, but I like steak. Oh, and Soot May introduced as to a Tagalog song, which was nothing short of hilarious. But I've said enough, betchu'all are jealous already, shall stop.

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

What. Actually, unlike most girls (generalisation), I haven't really thought of myself as a married person. I don't think I can stand living with a guy and seeing him every single bleeding day. I mean sure, it's nice to talk to some guys occasionally, but living with just one and seeing the same person every day? In a closed environment? With the possibility of having screaming children and nagging mother-in-laws? Working in Hoya for the rest of my life sounds less aggravating. But I love children though. They're so cute and squeezable, especially those little babies you see on MRT Trains, with their big eyes and dazed gazes, a-dor-a-ble. If I ever end up not getting married I'd adopt a bunch of babies (that ain't never had sh*t). I was quoting Billionaire anyway. Darned Teo Heng still doesn't have that song.
Just realised I didn't really answer the question. I guess I don't really know? I've never been in a relationship (unlike a certain someone freezing her butt off somewhere across some ocean) even though I'm almost twenty. I've had a few schoolgirl crushes but those are like, schoolgirl crushes. I've a few guy friends but not one I'm attracted to that way and they'd probably not be interested in me that way because when I speak to guy's I'm one of those "one of the guys" type, all "Dude. Like wtf man", because remember, I like behaving like a guy. Although I'm sure guys don't actually say "Dude. Like wtf man." I'm really picky when it comes to qualities too. Nah, not really, I've only got one really important one, which is that he must be able to hold an intelligent/possibly funny conversation of any topic which I may be interested in, which means he can't be a dumbass himbo. That's all. Pretty much. I guess.

Honestly, I don't think any guy in the right mind would like me, because when I'm in my equilibrium state I'm usually not verbose, I don't giggle or speak loudly while socialising with a large group of friends (unless I am giggling or speaking loudly while socialising with my group of friends, but then no guy in his right mind would approach a girl from a large girl group while in said girl group, because that's like nuts), I have an extremely scary and off-putting poker face (p-p-p-pokerface p-p-pokerface), I don't speak to anyone unless I have to, I'm quiet and seem to be in disdain of everyone around me (everyone I don't know, that is), I play too much Pokémon, I read too much and speak too little, and yeah, you get the idea. My point is, who's crazy enough to want to marry me and my slightly misanthropic idiosyncrasies? No one, that's who. But I like it that I'm so gl. I'M GL AND PROUD OF IT. Someone should make a badge of that and give it to me.

So, to answer Day 20's request, I don't see myself marrying anyone for now. Happy?

Day 27—This month, in great detail

Really? It's the first of December (countdown to my day of turning old begins), so I shall make it November. To kill you all. Right, soooooooo. The last month can be summed as as such: school, choir, home. No kidding. Oh, and Exams. That's about it. I can't remember much of it though, because generally it was colourless. Oh how the great has fallen!

Not really.

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Pardon this spamming of the 30-day thing, I'm trying to complete it by my birthday.


I honestly LOVE Teo Heng and these people. Including photographer Chip. ♥

I'm torn now between playing FireRed and surfing the web. Will do both, probably. Later, peoples.
Dream of californication
00:04


Day 24—Whatever tickles your fancy

Last night I had the funkiest, weirdest dream for a long time. First it was just one of those run-of-the-mill nightmares, one where I got back my NUS finals results, which were A (French, I don't know why either), B (for my NM module), U (for literature) and Z (for the South Asian module which I totally blew). I don't even know what the frag a Z grade is, but it freaked me out. Then I woke up (from the shock, I think) and went to pee. When I came back I slept and had another weird dream. This one involved us going to a concert and getting invited onstage to dance to Far East Movements "Like a G6". In case you haven't had the luck (or rather, un-luck) to hear that song, I advise you not to, because it's one of the more irritating songs I've heard in a while. Seriously. Anyway, we went on the stage and were told we had to dance wearing cowboy hats (why?), so we chose some and started singing the song. And dancing. Suddenly, it became a set for some Taiwanese variety show and we had to introduce ourselves in Mandarin. Having not used the language in a long time, I stumbled over the words and managed to sound like a bimbo. And I was thinking "Hope my dad doesn't see this on TV".

I can't remember anything else. And by the way, I can't really remember who "we" were, but I am very sure Xumei and Soke May were in the group, and they were hilarious when choosing the cowboy hats. As usual.

I woke up feeling very disturbed though, something disturbing must have happened in the dream which I cannot remember.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Hmm. I won't say I'm a very goal-oriented person, because I'm just not cut out for goal-setting. My short-term goal would be not to die, because, you know, I still want to live. Plans? I plan to apply for SEP again next semester, but with lower expectations this time. I mean, five out of all five choices were to UK or US universities, and my CAP really isn't that good (yet!). So the next time I'd put some obscure university in some far-flung corner off the Earth, but hopefully isn't crazy expensive. Because most of the far-flung universities are located in Europe, which means crazy high standards of living, which I cannot afford. I mean, yes, I'd probably be using my parent's money (D:) but because I'm planning to return them everything I owe for this university education, I'd be in debt before I even start working. How's that for reality, huh?

Dreams. I love dreams. Oh wait, you're not talking about those you have when you sleep? Okay. Uh. I did/do have dreams, some rather far-fetched ones, like becoming a spy (early childhood, when my sister and I played those make-believe games and made up our secret codes for all things secret and spy-a-licious), becoming a comic book artist (inspired largely by Sailormoon), becoming a writer (because writing is probably the one thing I do when procrastinating which is productive, and just because reading and writing are two of the things I love the most, besides slacking), and most recently, becoming a journalist (but after the stint I realise I'd probably die prematurely from the inherent stress of the job, and probably also die an unloved spinster). No kidding about the stress part: if I have an interview scheduled on Friday I'd start freaking out about it on Monday, like "What questions do I ask?", "What if I piss the person off?", or my favourite, "What if I get lost and cannot find the venue on time and the Universe implodes?". So, dreams. It's important to have them, isn't it? By the way, being the judgmental person I am, I don't think "earning as much money as possible" qualifies as a dream, because that is utterly selfish and consumerist. However, if you want to "earn as much money as possible to make the lives of my parents and my future offspring better", that's more like it. But in case I go off into the elitist tailspin again, I shall find some inner peace.

OM.

Right, so.

Day 25—Your day, in great detail

Seriously? You don't want to know. I spent the most of today playing Pokémon FireRed. I beat Giovanni today, and am stuck at the Elite Four, before Lance. I'm beginning to think it's impossible to beat the Elite Four with a party of Pokémon averaging level 46. I mean, Lance's Aerodactyl is flippin' level 58, and his Dragonite, with all its "HYPERBEAM BLARGGHHHHHH" one-hit KO power, is at level 60. Crazy, my Level 51 (the highest one in my party) Pikachu can't even put a dent into its HP. Right, so I'm pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place. Back to training then!

Oh then I took a break for dinner (didn't have lunch! That's how much I'm into playing Pokémon) and watched some TV. And then played it again. I spent a hell lot of time trying to beat the first three of the Elite Four, and it seems like Lance is going to be my personal Waterloo, unless something miraculous happens. That pretty much sums up my interesting day.

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Chronologically then:

1. Vivi, which is basically the term of endearment (>__>) my Primary School best friends used.
2. Viv, which was also used in Primary School, which was what some guys called me, because it suited my toughnuts Tomboy image.
3. 猪肉嫂: coined by a Secondary 1/2 classmate whom I still bear a minor grudge (I'm petty, so sue me) against, it was used during the years during which I was downtrodden and slightly bullied. Probably because I was a) fat, b) unconcerned about the way I look, and c) quiet because some people aren't worth talking to. But you know what, I'm glad I have experienced some sort of bullying, because it gives me some personal experience/backstory to draw upon next time in life, and it gave me a different perspective to look from. I don't know, sometimes those popular people don't know what it's like to be, well, unpopular. And you don't develop such a tough exterior/disdain for stupidity without going through some small sort of personal hell, so thanks a lot, classmate whom I bear a personal grudge against! Your 14 year-old stupidity made me who I am (bitter, grudging, you get it).
4. Heng-jie. This was in Sec3/4, when I wasn't as quiet and closed. I don't know how I got this nickname though. One moment you're Vivien, going up tot he board to draw a population pyramid, and the next Xumei's calling you "Heng jie", which soon caught on.
5. Bloody Heng, which was what Yunxuan apparently called me behind my back. (LOL)
6. Vomiting Vivien. If you need me to explain this, you don't know me enough at all.
7. Girl: This should be number one, because that's what my mum calls me. My dad/aunts all call me by my Chinese name, though. Wonder why.

Anyway, a note about bullying. You know how I was in the class with the worst cases of bullying? I've always felt really bad that I never did anything about it, even though I didn't personally participate in it. But what's really horrible is that even teachers couldn't or didn't do anything about it. I know out form teacher knew about it, and she tried to intervene, but it probably made the bullying worse. I wasn't even bullied much, compared to that. It was just some small name-calling and laughing, but that was mostly it (I think). I don't even know what it really feels to be bullied full-scale. But enough about that depressing topic, one social ill at a time, yeah? Besides, bullying's just a way people establish the pecking order, cruel as it seems, because as much as humans have progressed technologically/scientifically/literary-wise, we're still stuck in behaviours predetermined by evolution, as as a species we haven't really evolved since the start of civilisation, so it's difficult to stem this problem unless we're like Pokémon, you know, able to evolve as an individual entity. In some ways, if we consider how we've been stagnant in terms of evolutions, we're not really that awesome after all. We seek constant improvement in life but we never really remove ourselves from our in-born animalistic ways.

I'm not depressed or anything, just puzzled as to why humans see themselves as the superior species when most of us still succumb to our basal nature, especially when our world-views are still narrow and close-minded. Yes, we have organised thoughts and made great progress in some areas, but in other areas we're still the stupid, primal beings ruled by our instincts. This would be an apt part to say something about N. Korea and their "Gotta Nuke'em All!" actions, but I don't really know enough about that. Except that it's freaking senseless and the authoritarian rule by a crazy dictator is really an example of power-hungry individuals grabbing on to their basal, violent tendencies while subjugating innocent citizens. The world is nuts.

I shall now undergo a 180 degree change, because somethings are better left unthought. TEO HENG TOMORROW! IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME, YOU KNOW IT, BABY!

Okay bai.



Chip ★ Choo ♥ Cecilia ★ Judy ♥ Linette & Yingxian ★ Jiayin ♥ Vina ★ Skins ♛ Twitter ☁ Blogger ☢ Facebook ☠ Tumblr ♐

May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011

Credits: x x